Fertility Friends Support Forum banner
1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,548 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi

My friend has a LO who is 3 weeks older than DS2, now 12months.  DH and I had thought for a while that there was some developmental delay, but this is now becoming very very obvious.  Their LO does not sit unsupported at all, does not roll, crawl, he can walk if supported under armpits (not holding hands as LO cries), LO has a strange posture, quite rigid but also no strength if that makes sense.  Their LO does not grasp for objects and will not pick up finger food to put it into mouth.  LO can be quite engaging and very responsive with mummy, but appears almost afraid of other people, especially children, when LO almost shakes.  My friend has been abroad for probably 7months since their baby was born.(3months over christmas) and we have not seen them that much.  I have met up with her since she has been back and her LO is so obviously now so very far behind my DS2.  Her LO has a high pitched cry and kind of gazes and seems to take a while to acknowledge things and has had a floppy larynx since birth. Her DH is currently away and she does not socialise much with other mums/babies, so has probably not been able to compare their LO to others.

I have a history of working with SN adults and children, my brother has DS.  I work daily with families and young children, so am very aware of the differences in development, but this just feels different. I said to my husband that I thought their baby may have CP and he dismissed it saying their LO was just a bit delayed.  However after their recent visit he went away and researched it and also thinks the same.

Our HV service is shocking here, they have done away with 9m and 2 year checks.

I really feel that I need to say something as I am one of her only friends locally, but with her DH being away I feel it would be too hard for her.

How can I tackle this please?  I really want to support them and feel that she is now looking to make comparisons for herself.  I feel really torn of saying why don't you go and see the docs, but then if she feels her LO is doing OK, it will upset her and I know she feels lonely and values our friendship.

Thank you

strawbs
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,048 Posts
I would bring it up in conversation about development, and ask her is she is worried about X she might be worrying about and not know how or who to turn to, i would recommend her going to her GP (maybe offer to go with her as her DH is away)  and ask for a developmental paediatrician to see the child. 
L x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,548 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks I know I have to say something, so will say something along the lines of are you not worried that LO is not sitting?  My DH is adamant I should not get involved and his opinion is that she is seeing more of me so she can compare for herself.  I will play it by ear when I next see her, but if it were me I would rather someone said.

Thanks strawbs xx
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,105 Posts
Hi Stawbs

I agree that it sounds as if something is not right with your friend's LO, and I suspect that your friend is very aware of the differences between her LO and other children when she sees him/her with others, but may not want to acknowledge that something may be wrong.  In that situation, some people try not to see the problem, because, understandably, they don't like to think that anything is wrong with their child.  If your friend is in that situation, she may be upset by you saying something, or may be relieved that someone else has seen things which are worrying her, and that she is not imagining or exaggerating things. 

As you know, if the child has CP or some such condition, once it is recognised and diagnosed, he should be referred for specialist help, so it is in his interests to be diagnosed and 'in the system'.  It will also enable your friend to meet other parents in similar situations and to get support for herself.  So my feeling is that even if it upsets your friend initially, it is in both her and the child's best interests for something to be said, but I don't envy you having that conversation.  Possibly you could work round to it by talking about your special needs experience generally, rather than specifically about her child, and see if that gives her an opening to mention any concerns she has about him.

Good luck!
EG x

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,548 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hi ladies...


This situation has gone from bad to worse, I finally got my friend to agree that she would make conact with the HV, this was after an afternoon with their family over at our house.  Her baby is still not rolling, pulling to sitiing (he can now sit unaided for around 2-3 mins) he will not search or reach for objects that are placed out of his sight.  if you lay him on the floor, that is where he stays.  More worryingly when my friend goes for a shower, she puts him on the sofa and he stays there without moving (he is 15m).  I had said to her, I would be worried and she agreed she was and was in fact getting worried and frustrated that he was doing very little physically.  Her husband talked her out of it said she  was over reacting and the baby was laid back.  I feel so sad, I know there is something wrong, I am pretty sure I also know what it is....what can I do, other than state it, which I know her husband would be devastated about.  I know their baby probabaly needs some therapy now to help him sit or walk and that is what I am finding so hard.

strawbs xx
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,105 Posts
HI Strawbs

It's difficult for you watching this one from the sidelines.  I think telling your friend what you think is wrong with her child may not be helpful (unless you work in that field - I am not sure what you do), but encouraging her to see her HV is.  You can couch it in terms of  getting help to make him more mobile.  However, it sounds as if the child's father is in denial about the situation, either that, or he has not seen many other 15 month old children and so does not know that his child should be doing a lot more by now.  I would still encourage your friend to go to the HV.  If she is worried about what DH will say, could you help her to find some reason to justify it that she can use to explain to him if necessary?  Otherwise, do the HVs in your area do standard development checks, and if so, could you help your friend arrange for one of them to be done? 

This may not be an easy thing for your friend to deal with, but basically if she thinks there is something wrong but she allows her DH to overrule her, she is putting his needs before those of her child.  Her husband may be devastated to think his child has something wrong - that is an entirely normal reaction - but if the child has a problem, he will have to face it some time.  Does your friend accept there is a problem?  Could she talk to a counsellor or support worker confidentially before facing her DH? 

The more I think about it, the more I am surprised that if the child is as developmentally delayed as you say he is, that he has not come to the attention of the system by now.  Has he been to the GP for anything?  Or the HV?  I would have expected someone to pick it up by now and make a referral.  Could things be happening which your friend has not told you about? 

I share your concern about this situation and I hope that someone is able to look at this child and get him the help he needs soon.  I also wonder whether there is anyone on this site who is a HV/children's nurse/social worker who might have other thoughts about what can be done.....

EG x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,548 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hi thanks for the reply. My friend finally went to the HV on Monday, they have agreed something is delayed + referred him to physio. Hopefully now he is in system things should move quite quickly. My friends have gone away for 4weeks (split their time between here + europe which I think is part of the problem) they also did not register him properly at docs, not that it matters we have no development checks here any more! 6weeks + the rest are a checklist you review yourself, don't see anyone at all, very poor. My friend hasn't  had these checklists only her 6week check. I will keep you posted
Strawbs x x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,548 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
just to update really.after an emotional + tough journey with our friends where my dh had to be very frank with his friend. sadly their baby has been diagnosed with cp. highlights our appallling hv service really. But after delays their LO has now got special shoes + is seeing a physio
Strawbs x
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top