[justone]

Hi folks
Have come on to have a bit of a moan and some advice as I'm feeling rather sorry for myself tonight.
Apologies in advance!
DH put up Christmas tree yesterday after quite a bit of moaning about fairy lights not working. (It was a noble effort on DH's part to get me to get into the mood for Christmas as I've not been looking forward to it these past few years.) Anyways house is now beginning to look and feel a bit Christmassy. Today when I arrived home from work to an empty house (DH works away during the week.) there were some Christmas cards on the mat. One was a beautiful one from a very good friend of mine with a letter telling me she's 5 months pregnant! She definitely had not planned it and has never truly considered motherhood as such. She knows all my difficulties in this area and therefore was very sincere in her letter about it. No need to moan yet although while I'm really pleased for her and know she will be an absolutely brilliant mother, I can't help but feel envious of her and rather down too. She and I were supposed to be meeting up this coming weekend and staying with another very good friend of ours (who again knows about my fertility problems) who gave birth to her second child in October.
Time to moan. I was already dreading this visit as I haven't seen the new baby yet (considering the fact that I had a bfn in late August this year) but was consoling myself by thinking that at least I had my first friend with me as a form of support and to be honest a bit of distraction too from baby talk.
Goodness! Even as I type this I realise that I sound so terribly selfish. I just don't know how to face the visit.
I do want to meet the new baby and I do want to catch up with my two friends but I don't know how I'll be able to cope. Do I put up a brave front and go ahead with the visit or do I come clean and say I don't think I'm up to see them or do I blame my inability to visit on the poor weather forecast for this weekend?
All advice greatly appreciated!

 

[livity k]

Hi Briege,

I really feel for you in this position,  I think you have to protect yourself really and if ducking out helps you to do that then I would, It is a big double whammy seeing a baby and a bump at the same time,

The only thing I would say is that if they are good friends and are understanding it might be better to see them now rather than later, I got myself in a state about seeing a preg friend earlier this year but once I actually saw her it was better than I had thought, she wasn't only pregnant she was still my friend if you know what I mean?

Good luck with whatever you decide,

Livity K x

 

[justone]

Thanks Livity K so much for taking time to both read and reply to my post!
I think I'll go and meet up with the girls but I'll give them both a ring and have a wee chat first.

 

[livity k]

i think that sounds like a good plan, they sound like good friends and I think this fertility journey can leave us feeling isolated enough without not seeing good friends, Its a tough balancing act though,

Livity x

 

[ANGELA29A]

Its really hard to deal with events like this, I have a friend that is expecting twins with ivf, (shes around 22 weeks)i was dreading seeing her, as my 1st ICSI cycle failed, as I found out hers had worked, but actually didn't feel as bad as I thought I would, and as she has had IVF it was nice to talk about it all.
2 other friends recently have had babies and we should be visiting them sometime over the weekend, so deep breath needed, presents bought, opted for personlised pictures as couldn't bring myself to shop for newborn clothes.
You will have to go with how you feel on the day, I'm sure your friends will understand.Hope all goes well.xx

 

[justone]

Hi there
Thanks for advice!
Due to the adverse weather conditions I have been unable to meet up with my two pals after all. I'm both disappointed yet relieved.
Hopefully when my second ICSI tx starts in Jan and the weather improves I'll be able to see both of the girls separately if not together.
Thanks again folks for your support.
Sending you on lots of

 

[sebsie]

hiya Briege, just read this and wanted to send you a hug 


you dont need to feel like your being selfish hun, this is a big issue for anyone struggling to conceive and its a natural thing to feel envious! dont feel you need to apologise for how you feel or think, its all part of the journey to motherhood


good luck for your next cycle hun 

 

[justone]

Thanks Sebsie for your lovely post!
As I wait my 2nd ICSI tx do you mind me asking you if you did anything differently during your 2nd tx from your 1st tx?
Sorry to ask such a personal question. Feel free to ignore it!

 

[sebsie]

i dont mind you asking at all
its gonna sound really corny i know but all i did different was relax!
my 1st cycle was pretty awful from start to finish, i was really stressed out and felt like i was totaly alone (stupid i know)  the whole way through the 2ww i was like a woman possessed, if i wasnt crying i was yelling at someone and then af arrived on day 8
when it cam round to cycle number 2 i was determined to not let it go the same way, i joined FF which helped me to understand more about the treatment and realise i wasnt the only one hurting! talking about how i was feeling helped me to relax and the whole cycle went alot smoother, i had more eggs and more fertilized!!!
i went back to work during my 2ww so i had something else to think which also helped keep my stress levels down!


sorry its not anything more technical, i wish i could say i took a miracle pill or something to make it work

 

[justone]

Hi again Sebsie
I truly appreciate your honesty and find it truly refreshing. I was really full of PMA for my first tx and couldn't believe how smoothly everything went. When I started bleeding lightly on day 10 I knew something was wrong... and this unfortunately proved to be the case! This time around because of my disappointment last time I feel it is hard to have a PMA...

 

[sebsie]

its gonna be hard to a PMA after everything seemed so good 1st time i guess, at least i had my stress to blame for my BFN.


ive heard that people have more success with a 2nd tx but thats just what people have told me, i havent looked into it...


how long ago was your 1st tx?

 

[justone]

Just this year. Began with AF in May...

 

[sebsie]

so its still very raw 
i went again pretty soon, got BFN november and started 2nd tx in january! focusing on the new cycle helped me move on from the BFN and stay positive, hopefully it will for you too xxx


have you spoken to your consultant about why it didnt work 1st time and what they could change this time round?

 

[justone]

Consultant from 1st tx is same consultant from 2nd tx. She just said we were really really unlucky and couldn't give us any proper explanation as she said she didn't honestly know.
DH and I had applied for tx in October 4 years ago after ttc for 2 years. GP had told us waiting list was very short and so we decided to go on NHS waiting list for funded tx. GP was totally wrong as it took all that time for us to get tx.
This time we are paying for tx ourselves. This is our last chance as we honestly can't afford it due to recession...
I lost a sister to cancer in November last year so I feel as if I am grieving 3 people right now which explains my lacking a PMA!!!

 

[sebsie]

oh hunni im so sorry 


gotta be your turn for some good news then....