[Nubly]

Hello ladies - This is a new thread for me, having previously been in 2ww, negative cycle and now the only option is living child free.

I got told last week that after all this time the only real option left is hysterectomy and my name has now been added to the list, should be done in about 4 weeks.  I am gutted and trying desperately to get my head round it.  I have had two opinions and am left in no doubt that's it.  Finished.

Have any of you had the op and if so how did you cope with it?  Any tips for moving on or just how do I convince myselft that I am never going to be a mother.  I still cant believe in my heart that I am not.  If someone can answer please do so as its very difficult to talk to anyone about how I trully feel.

Best wishes to you all.

 

[kez23]

Hi Nubly

I am sorry that I have no advice for you, but I am truly so very sorry.

Sending you loads of 

Have you ever thought about surrogacy or adoption?

Love Kez xxx

 

[Laine]

Hi Nubly,

I am so sorry to read your news.  Unfortunately, I cannot offer any advice with regards to the hysterectomy.

As kez said, have you thought about adoption?  After initially trying to live childfree we decided to go down the adoption route. 

Living childfree is not easy but this board has some very lovely ladies on it, who will support you.

Hugs

Laine x

 

[Dydie]

Nubly
I am so sorry to hear of what you are having to face, it is never an easy decision to live with not having children of your own but to have that decision made for is very very hard to face, I know it is difficult to talk to those close to you but do try your best to involve your family and friends as much as possible, we are of course here to support you but you also will need some "real life" support.
Try to allow yourself to grieve over this loss but also allow yourself to look at some more positive aspects, many of us are learning to live a happy child free existence but I don't think you ever truly lose those maternal instincts.
When my SD turned up in my life I fell into deep depression over not having kids of my own, I felt envy and bitterness and thought I would never be able to accept having her in my life but just 15 months later I love her as much as any mother ever could, so maybe adoption could be a way forward for you at some point in the future.
I don't know about the op but I do know that we are here for you over the coming months and years, don't bottle up any feelings you may be having if you cannot talk to your freinds and family then please turn to us, even if we don't have all the answers we can always understand and give you those cyber hugs when you need them most  take care hun speak to you soon.
Love Dydie xxxx

 

[Topsy]

hello Nubly

I am so sorry and send you lots of hugs. What a dreadful shock for you.

I myself have not finally got my head around being child free. However this thread has been so supportive and as Dydie says the ladies are wonderful. Do keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Specifically on hysterectomy, I wonder if you might find this link helpful? (Ithink it is one that Eilidh came across some time ago-thanks Eilidh!)

http://www.childlessnotbychoice.com/

It is an American site and may not be everyone's cup of tea. However I like reading it for a different perspective and I have noticed that there are threads relating to hysterectomy on it.

With love
Topsy

 

[irisheyes]

Hi Nubly, i have just joined. One of my best friends had to have a hysterectomy at 28- she found out she had cancer of the womb!! She had only been married for 2 yrs and was starting to think about a family.

Although she was devastated she had to think about getting well first as she couldnt even adopt until she was 3 yrs clear!! Thankfully she is now 6 yrs in remission but she and her husband actually went thru surrogacy.Her husband's sister(who had already had her kids) carried the baby for her! Her daughter is now 2.

Maybe this could be an option for you- it doesnt always have to be family, there are other people who do it regularly.At least it could be part of one of you and you would be there from birth. It can be expensive- they had to take out a loan. My friend was nearly 33 when this happened so i dont know if there is a n age limit.My dh and i couldnt do this as his sisters are too old and mine arent married yet to have had their own kids.Dont think i could do it not knowing the person well, but at least its an option.

Hope this helps a bit, love Irish eyes xxxx

 

[astrid]

hi Nubley
I have just read your post and i just wanted to end my wishes to you as i cannot come up with the right words to say to you...
I hope you do not mind me saying but is there any supportive help out there for you in respect of having to deal with a hysterectomy. Maybe thats what you need to deal with first and as Dydie said that you need to go through the grieiving processs..Maybe when you have gone through these transitions of the grieiving process you can address all the feelings and emotions that will come with your loss. Have you thought about counselling?...
I really feel for you and i cannot imagine your pain and grief at the moment. Like the girls are saying there is a ray of sunshine in the future and i just sincerely hope you get there, as you deserve it more than anyone..
Lots of love Astridxxxx

 

[Nubly]

Dear Kez23, Laine, Dydie, Topsy, Irisheyes and astrid 

Thank you all for your kind replies.  Its so good to know that there are ladies out there supporting each other.  Selfishly in my own sadness I had forgotten that each and every one of you have your own personal heartache and I wish all of you success in whatever path you are taking now.

My date has been set for 31 October (halloween!  hmmm.............., puts a new light on trick or treat).  I am handling things in my own way of laughing it off.  I am not fooling myself but I know that afterwards that is when it is going to hit me.  So for the moment I am concentrating on as many pub visits as possible (cos I believe I will be off sick for 3 months, which makes Christmas a wash out) and generally enjoying life.

Also the positive side effects are good, no more  no more knicker checking or injections, sniffing, checking dates, times and places...... gosh dont the list go on.

Topsy thanks for the site information.  I found it quite useful.  I have found another one hystersisters which is full of information and support.  I believe my best friend will be a grabber!!  You know the things they use to pick up litter. 

Irisheyes - I am sorry about your friend and glad that she has been able to get the child she wanted.  A very happy ending. 

Laine and Kez23 - Thanks ladies.  I actually am an approved adopter, having fostered some years ago, but I had to stop because you are not allowed to adopt or foster when you are having ivf and I have been told that after a hysterectomy not through choice, they like you to have about 18 months to get over the emotions of it all.  Aint life complicated.

Dydie and Astrid - As always you two give such heartfelt, lovely answers.  Dydie you spoke to me a lot when I first had the cysts and I was considering donor eggs and then your advice was warming and well received.  I will certainly grieve and go through the loss process (what we all have to go through!).  Thanks again for your support

Love and all the best ladies xxx
Again

 

[astrid]

hi Nubly
All i can say is you are such a humble person and as i am reading your reply it has brought tears to my eyes. Sorry thats all you need...
You are definatley not 'selfish' and i cannot begin to put myself in your situation.....
Please let us know how you are when you are ready to do so...I would hate to think that you will go down this road feeling alone. You know where we all are if you need us......
lots of love astridxxx

 

[Womb with a View]

Hi Nubly.  So sorry to read your posting.  The first thing that came to my mind was, have you had a second opinion?  I ask this as we so often put all our trust and faith in our doctors, who are wonderful but also human.  Also, I was told I had two blocked tubes but it turned out that it was only one partially blocked tube.  I wasted 9 months putting all my faith in IVF and giving up hope of getting pregnant naturally when I could have been really monitoring my cycle more carefully as there was a chance I could have become pregnant.

I've just been advised to have my fibroids removed (I am 46) but I am now seeking a second and then third opinion by experts in the field of fibroids, IVF and donor IVF.  I'm not leaving it in the hands of one opinion.

I hope this helps.  You may have done that already and so sorry if this is the final decision but I'm sure you'll find your way through it.  We always do. 

Thinking of you.
With love,
AJ of London x

 

[Bangle21]

Hi Nubly

I have just read your posting and we are fast approaching 31 October now.

I hope you are finding the strength for this and are getting support through FF.  I don't know what else to say to you but that you are a very brave, strong person and just remember that.

I really dont have the words for you ........

Just to offer you love and support and to say "good luck".  Be good to yourself afterwards, you will need time to heal physically but more importantly, emotionally, to get your head round this and decide on what next (if anything).

I believe there is a happy future for all the good people out there in this situation.  We just haven't found it ........ yet.

Wishing you all the luck in the world.
Love Gill xx