Fertility Friends Support Forum banner
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
198 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
1) On landing, a West Jet stewardess was heard to say "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you are going to leave anything behind, please make sure it is something we would like to have."

2) Also from a West Jet airline : "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover but there are only 4 ways out of this plane, so please pay attention."

3) On a lengthy evening Air Canada flight with a somewhat 'senior' flight attendant crew, the pilot said "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have reached the cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

4) " Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

5) After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest Airline flight announced "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

6) From a Southwest Airline flight crew member "Welcome aboard Soutwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt and if you do not know how to operate it, you probably should not be out in public un-supervised."

7) In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with the child. If you are travelling with more than one small child, please pick your favourite.

8) The Captain's dulcet tones droned over the plane's speakers "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds but we will try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines."

9) Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please use them to paddle to shore and feel free to take them home with our compliments."

10) Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks are in the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children."

11) As you exit the plane, please make sure that all your belongings are taken. Anything left behind will be distributed equally amongst the flight attendants. Please do not leave behind children or spouses."


12) From the pilot during his welcome message "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."

13) Heard from a flight attendant on a WestJet flight just after a very hard landing in Edmonton, Alberta "That was quite a bump and I know what you are all thinking. However I am here to tell you that it was not the airline's fault, neither is it the Captain's fault nor the flight attendant's fault - it was the asphalt."

14) During the final approach on an American Airlines flight into Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant said "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Texas. Please remain seated with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

15) Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

16) A Canadian Airline pilot wrote in his journal a few years ago that on one particular flight due to strong crosswinds, he had unfortunately hammered his ship onto the runway with a very hard greeting. The airline had a policy which required the first officer on the flight to stand at the exit door while the passengers disembarked, to smile and repeat "Thanks for flying our airline." His comments indicated that, in the light of the poor landing, he avoided eye contact with the passengers in an attempt to avoid any smart comments that might result. Finally there was only one little old lady left to exit the plane. Walking slowly up the aisle with a cane, she approached the First Officer and said "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?". The officer said "Why, no Ma'am. What is it?" She then asked "Did we land or were we shot down just now?"

17) After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant came on with "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Once the tyre smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

18)1 Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement "We would like to thank you folks for flying with us today. The next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you will think of US Airways."

19) A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After reaching a comfortable cruising altitude, the Captain made an announcement over the intercom "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight No. 293, a non-stop flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax. OH MY GOD !!"
Silence followed and after a few minutes, the Captain came back on the intercom and said "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I had scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee which ended up spilling on my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger yelled "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
144 Posts
^roflmao^ ^roflmao^ ^roflmao^ ^roflmao^ ^roflmao^ ^roflmao^ ^roflmao^ ^roflmao^
Funny, funny, funny!!!! loved the last 1 ^shake^
Bubbles for you!!!!
Love Nic xxxx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
473 Posts
;D ;D ;D
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
20,592 Posts
I liked these, my favorite one has to be the last one...
~Dizzi~ ;D
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top