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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband and I are batting around the idea of adopting rather then go through ivf.  I'm American and he's English.  I will have my Indefinite Leave to Remain, which I need to be able to adopt, this September.  I've already contacted an adoption agency and they are sending me an information pack.  I would like to know a few things that maybe someone on here can help me answer.

1) As I am American will there be a background check of my life there?
    This info. would be helpful to know so I can get the things together
    or sent to me now.

2) Will the fact that my children from my previous marriage don't live in the
    UK reflect badly upon me?  When I was offered a job in England I was
    fully supported by my ex and family.  It was a very difficult choice to
    make as I love and adore my kids.  Being apart is difficult...thank god
    there's phones, letters, internet and planes to ensure contact  :)

3) I suffered from depression in my early 20's.  It became quite bad, so I was
    given antidepressants to help.  I am happy to say that I made it back
    from hell and have not needed meds for many years.  I've been free of
    most depression...just normal blues that anyone gets.

Right, well that's it for now.  Thank you in advance to anyone who offers info.   :)
   
 
 

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Alice

I've IM'd you.  On the medical side, all prospective adopters have to have a medical with their GP who has fill out a form detailing all kinds of things.  Be up front and open about this as  they need to ensure that your health is appropriate to be a supportive and stable influence to the kids.

In terms of back ground in the States I am not sure how long they ask you to have been a resident in the UK before you can adopt.  The best thing is to contact Social Services and ask to speak to somebody as these sorts of questions are so specific they probabaly wouldn't be covered in an open evening it would be more beneficial to try and get a one to one.

Good luck
Karen x
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks again Karen.  This is what I've found out about my status.  I have to be married for at least two years (although that's for a UK resident as well) and I must have a Indefinite Leave to Remain Visa.  That means I've done my 'probationary' 2 years and if I'm still married and done nothing illegal I get the ILR visa.  I will have mine in a couple months  ;D

As far as the medical goes I'm not too worried.  Just the depression thing has me a bit on edge.  It would be a shame if I was denied as I've worked so hard to overcome it. 

Good luck to the rest of you who are beginning or in the midst of adopting a child/children.  God bless you  :)
 

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Hi,
I'm also considering the adoption route after first having an attempt at icsi.  I am adopted myself so think it's a really positive option!  I've had a bad bout of depression where I had 3 months off work & took anti ds for 6 months - it was caused by a couple of specific extreme situations so I'm hoping this won't count against me.

Actually, many,many women who have been through the traumas of infertility seem to have been on anti ds so I guess S/Ws must be used to it.  Also, depression can affect almost anybody quite unexpectedly so provided it's not a series of episodes that requires hospitalisation I should think we should be ok!  Hope so anyway!

Good luck, hope it all goes to plan!
Jess x
 

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hiya,
A little bit of infoon mewhich might help. I have had three episodes of "reactive depression" (when it is caused by a major incident) over ten years, but managed well on antidepressants and only once have had time of work- ten days- timed with the start of a course of anti depressants, and when the infertility stuff and work were at their worst.

I was clear of antidepressants when we applied initially, and saw the social worker last august who said the best way to proceed was an early medical- then just an update medical before we go to panel.

So I had a medical last september, and it was decided we had to wait out the november prep course and do the january one (thats now in march- we start this week!) to give it more "time".

The sort of things that were relevant were the type ofdepression, the effect of it on my life,work and relationships, how debiltating it was andwhat the likelihood of it recurring was.  Also my ability to recognise the signs, and have a good support network was vital.  The gp wrote all this and had to write how he felt it would affect my ability to be an adoptive parent. luckily that went very well for me.

then it was reviewed by the medical adviser (who just happened to work on the victoria clumbie case, so knows her stuff) and she gve her advice to the social workers. there is a chance you will then be asked to see a psychiatrist for further investigation.

Its hard, because coming though something like that gives you a whole load of life experience, self awareness and self help skills, allof which will be vital when you come to adopt, but the sws do need to be sure you will be resilient enough to cope with the process and actual adoption- their first priority must always be the wellbeing of the children they place and recognising the amount of upheaval these children have had it is no wonder they want to make sure we are strong enough for them.

mine looks like it will be a happy outcome on that front, but I think there were a lot of other strengths in our initial application that made them keen to persue this knowing I have had some depression. 


On the "from another country" front- i'm not really sure what will happen there. I have lived in the UK since 1994 so most of my adult life is here, but I am still in contact with a friend and my immediate family over there so if needed they can provide input- its just that as they rarely see me they probably aren't the most qualified to speak about me and DH.

The thing that is important though, is your future plans. The important thing is not just having your right of abode document (I'm lucky enough now to have dual citizenship) but that you are considered "domiciled" which means you intend to stay in the UK with the UK as your permanent home. This is so that you can fulfill the contact requirements and avoid upheaval for the child or children you adopt.  This was a real thinking point for us, because it made it final that we couldn't one day cash in on the property market, sell up and move to a nice beach town in sleepy queensland aus.  But it is what we are commited to. We have already made that commitment to any children we are lucky enough to adopt.

I hope this is helpful in some way,

kylie
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I went through 10 years of depression.  Highs and lows.  The last 2 years were horrible.  I hit rock bottom and was unable to care for myself or my children.  That stage lasted a few months.  I was given antidepressants and I went to counseling.  I was diagnosed with mild chronic depression.  I worked so hard to get better.  Once I was in a healthy place I found I was so unhappy in my marriage that we eventually separated and divorced.  The kid's took it well.  We shared joint custody until I moved and settled here  in the UK.   

I have been off meds and psychologist free for over 7 years.  I am happy and healthy.  My children are wonderful and doing very well.  I still get depressed, but it's just normal now.  It's never someting that prohibits me from living a healthy life. 

I do agree with what you said Boomerang girl...you do get a lot of life experience, self awareness and self help skills after going through these types of problems.  I believe I am in a much better place in life because I had to deal with it and trust me it was difficult.  I appreciate each and every moment...the good and bad.  I wish the bad didn't happen, but I think how could we really appreciate the wonderful things in life if there wasn't a bit of crud in there too!

As far as me not being a UK citizen, I found that once I have my Indefinite Leave to Remain Visa we will be able to adopt.  I will not be dual nor a citizen even after I get the visa, but it's all they require of me as far as residency goes.  It just means I am out of my probationary 2 years and able to settle here indefinitely.  I've not yet decided if I want to take citizenship, but that's a coupe years off.
 

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yep pretty fly girl,

you don't need citizenship- just the right to stay- and the inclination to stay. the catholic chns society were keen toreinforce this bit- its not just about the passport/visa but the intention to remain in the country. which is fair enough really.  Its a sacrifice I will make- I'm not even unhappy about it, I just did like the option of going back one day, not that we planned to.

as for the depression, they will want to know what you have learned, what support networks you have, if you are able to recognise the signs and avoid the triggers, and what coping strategies you have. I don't suppose it will be an easy journey but there are a lot of adopters who have had depression. i knew a woman who used to sit on panel, and she said they had to query a woman who had been on antidepressants for three months after her Mum died. Apparently one of the panel members turned around and said put you hand up if you have never been on antidepressants and hardly any of them could.  its part of life these days. they will be more interested in the things I mentioned above.

best of luck,

kylie
xx
 
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