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Well where do I start? Me and DH (both 26) have been together for just over 9 years, we both met in Highschool and got together when we were 16 years old. I'm a police officer and DH is a swimming teacher and fitness instructor at our local leisure centre.

We got married in June 2009 and were really hoping for a honeymoon baby. I came off the depo injection in the March and my periods came back to normal pretty quickly. For 15 months we ttc... and failed. I cant describe the pain each month when AF would arrive!

Deep down I suspected that something might be wrong so in September 2010 I decided to go to the docs. I had blood tests and a scan on my ovaries and luckily everything came back normal so DH was sent for a sperm analysis test.

Most ladies on here will know what the test involves, getting the sperm into a tiny urine specimen bottle in the first place is a test in itself! but fair play, DH managed!

We had to get the sample to the hospital within the hour, which was quite stressful. We live a 25 min drive from the hospital, then we had to find a parking space then walk over from the car park into the hospital then find the lab which we needed to get to!

Anyway, a week later DH got his results which were not too good.
He had 2 million sperm per ml, and only 5% of those were normally formed and moving correctly. The doc said the average is 20 million per ml so obviously his were quite low in comparison.

When I heard, I felt like my world had ended. For days I felt like crying all the time, and as DH would never talk about it I felt so alone. None of our family knew we were Tc as we wanted it to be a surprise, now I regret not telling our family but feel like its too late now, and anyway I know DH doesn't want anyone knowing.

So in the November DH went for another sperm test. This time, to avoid all the stress of getting to the hospital within the 1 hour time frame we decided to do 'it' nearer to the hospital. We found a quiet road about half a mile away, whilst DH attempted to do what he needed to do in the back of the car I sat howling in the front watching poor DH trying to make sure he aimed right to get it all in the ridiculously small bottle!! I think we both needed to laugh about it, to take some of the stress away over it all.
Another week later the results were just the same as before, so he was referred to a urologist.

So Christmas came and went, but on the day itself I felt abit down. Watching DH's young nieces (aged 3, 5 and 8) opening their Christmas presents made me feel quite sad as I kept thinking that we should have had our own child by now.

I was finding day to day things hard going. Hearing of people we knew getting pregnant or giving birth was so hard. My friend that Ive known sinse infant school had her baby boy, and although I didn't see much of her any more I felt I should have gone to see them but I just couldn't bring myself to. I feel very guilty about not going but i know I would be a blubbering mess and unfortunately I've learnt its all about self preservation.

We had our first appointment through for the urologist which was on the 7th January which I couldn't wait for! in the meantime though a male colleague, who I would consider a good friend told me that his partner was pregnant. I couldn't help but cry, and although I'm very happy for them I felt utter crap, even more so for ruining it for him as obviously he was over the moon and wanted to share his good news. He didn't know what was wrong, so I ended up telling him that we were having problems conceiving. Due to my melt down a few other close friends in work now know, which I actually feel relieved about as I had no one to talk to about it and bottling everything up is no good for anyone. Especially as at that time we didn't really know how bad our situation was, we had no idea if his results were horrendously bad or not that bad.

So we went for our hospital appointment with the urologist and actually came home with some good news. Although his sperm count is low, the ones he does have are really good quality. The doc said that he had seen plenty of men who had lower counts than DH and went on to have healthy children. He also explained IUI and IVF and said that IUI would be a better option for us, so he said he would refer us to liverpool Womens Hospital.

So here we are waiting to hear from Liverpool. I have no idea how long we'll have to wait and as we'll be using the NHS I need to lose as much weight as I can before we go (as I am quite overweight), in total I've lost 22lbs since last October which I think is quite good considering we've just had Christmas. Does anyone know the BMI limit for NHS patients??

I'm sorry for such a long post but when you've bottled something up for so long, and now I've found somewhere where I can talk to Pele who are going through similar experiences its like verbal diarrhea!

How do you all cope when you find out friends and family are expecting? in total 10 friends of ours are in different stages of pregnancy which is really hard to deal with, especially when their shoving pictures of scans under your nose to look at!

Anyway, thanks for reading
xx
 

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Hi

I dont usually only stick to my board but I am at work and fed up so just happened to click on the unread posts and saw yours.

Its so hard I have I dont have any children of my own and my DH has three from his previous marraige.  To cut a long story short he had a vasectomy reversal and whilst all went according to plan and the tubes were re connected the amount and the quality wsa very poor so we had to go and have ICSI.

I find that some days I am fine and I dont particularly think about the baby issue but then there are days like today where it is all I think about.

The board I am on through FF had loads of BFP's at the end of last year there was about nine of us at the time having treatment all within a couple of week of each other a few were also first time IVFers they all got BFP's apart from me I was absolutley devastated it is a hard slog and there will be times where you just think you cant take anymore but the ladies who I have chatted to on this site are amazing your in the right place for any questions concers or any rants you want to have.

I am sure if you have a look round you should find a board that will be specifically for your hospital.

Good luck with everything and may your baby dreams come true.

x x x x
 

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Hi Missy,

I'm not quite in the same boat as you, it's me that has the fertilty problem. I still know where you are coming from though. Well done with your weight loss.... that's a massive amount in a short space of time... you must be soooo pleased. I have been doing weight watchers which has really helped me. My clinic like!s BMI to be 29 or lower.
I have found talking to close friends helpful but my husband doesn't want too many people to know.
It's tough going when peolpe tell you they are pregnant.... I got the dreaded text off a friend yesterday. I snobbed histerically all night and went to bed with a swollen face..... NOT attractive!
Anyway FF is a wonderful site to talk to other ladies about anything.
I hope your journey goes well and that 2011 is your year x
Becks  ^hugme^
 
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