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Hi everyone,

I've been reading these posts for a while, but not really wanted to post anything myself because that seemed like admitting that we were having problems! However, after last week's news that not only is it my PCOS that is a problem but also that my husband has really low sperm count - and IVF would be the only way forward for us- I need someone to talk to about it all that understands!

I'm Zoe, and am 29, as is husband - ttc for 3 years, conceived naturally last may but miscarried at 10 weeks. Since then, was diagnosed with PCOS in Feb 2008, but everything else with me is 'good' (!). Husband has 2 million sperm count, less than 5% mobility - don't really know much about it, but presume that's pretty bad! He won't talk to me about it, and has just been drinking heavily every night since to try and block it out I guess. He's completely gutted that he can't make me pregnant naturally, and at the moment is completely against the idea of IVF. He says that it is not natural, and if for whatever reason he is incapable of fathering a child the normal way, then this must be a sign that he is not meant to have children at all.

Has anyone else had this resistance from their partners? I know it's only been 10 days since he found out - and like he says I've had more time to come to terms with it, as I've known since Feb that I had a problem, but I want to be able to talk about IVF with him and what this will mean. Any advice?

I think he just needs time to come around to the idea, and to accept that he is not as much of a 'real man' as he was before he knew about his sperm problems - why do men have to put up such a macho front about it?

This is turning into a bit of a ramble - sorry! x
 

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Hiya angelduck xxx Firstly so sorry to hear of ur M/C  :'( it must be awful hun xx its two yrs now since we found out that our only chance of gettin pg is to have ICSI like u my DH has very low count as well as very bad mobility also, so I can simpathise with you hun, it is still  such early days for you and your DH its probably still not sunk in for you both  :( my DH hid his emotions very well but time is a great healer, and I hope that you and ur DH can talk about it together soon!!! I'm sure someone will be along soon to give you some fantastic links, FF is so great I'm sure it will help you alot Good luck with whatever you decide to do and I hope your BFP is around the corner take care.
hayleigh xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

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Hiya,

Welcome to ff.  Sorry to hear about what you are going through.  We are in a different situation that you (knew from day 1 of our relationship that we would need IVF due to DH having a vasectomy), however needing treatment and going through treatment is difficult to deal with whatever the circumstances.  I think you hit the nail on the head when you said about DH needing time.  Its a big shock and he may just need to get his head around it all.  You can just be there for him when he is ready to talk.  I'm sure someone on here will give you a link to some of the boards (if you haven't had a good look round already).  In the meantime, take care and let us know how you are getting on.

Tracy xxx
 

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^hello^
& Welcome to FF Angelduck ^hugme^
Oh hun, the initail reaction to news lik ethis is shock and denial, with time, less pressure and some facts, most men find a way to be positive and have treatment, it will take some patience on your side and just "knowing" him and how he deals with other big issues ^hugme^ meanwhile get support for yourself, and make subtle changes in your lifestyles, improve your diets see if he will take extra vitamins, Zinc, Selenium and vit C ( or the wellman vits) are a good starting place, We were told we needed ICSi due to DHs SA, but more recently just IVF is needed as the swimmers he has got are improved ( takes about 3 months)
Prehaps if he wants to have children naturally he needs to change diet and lifestyle habits first, before having IVf, Meanwhile see if you can be on the waiting list while you figure this out, as most NHS waiting lists are a couple of years so Time is on your side to reach a descion.
PCOS while making pregnancy difficult, and a M/c more likely, is not Impossible, theres plenty of Info about PCOS and things to Improve your chances of success.
I am going to leave you some direct links to boards here on FF - that you may or may not have found, I would like to encourage you to post in these areas to build friendships and support from members who really do have an understanding of your situation,

Meanings ~
CLICK HERE

Starting out & Diagnosis ~
CLICK HERE

What Every New Member Needs to Know
CLICK HERE

FERTILITY INFO GUIDES
CLICK HERE

PCOS
CLICK HERE

Male factors -
CLICK HERE

Complimentary threapies ~
CLICK HERE

Pre- natal Care ~
CLICK HERE

Pregnancy loss
CLICK HERE

Forget me not ~ A place for our members to remember their loved but lost babies.
CLICK HERE


And don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area
G&B - Community Fun board
CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room.
We have a newbie night in the chat room every week (Wednesday at 8pm), We have a newbie night in the chat room every week (Wednesday at 8pm),
where you can meet other new members and get Chatrrom support
and help to navigate the site and using all the functions available here. CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT

Take some time to look at the help tab too ;)

Check out the Locations boards for where you live & a site search for your clinic ;)

Wishing you Friendship ^fairydust^ & ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^
^goodluck^ Dont forget to let us know how you get on!

If you need any help just ask!

~Dizzi~
^willy nilly^
 

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Hi,

My DH has only 0.5 million little swimmers so there is still hope for you both!  I have read other people telling you that time is a great healer and it is, but as far as the general male race is concerned they don't always like to talk everything through and it tends to come out in other ways.

He will need time to adjust and it probably wise to give him space, i felt like i had to ask my DH if he was OK every 5 mins and it doesn't work. I would give him a month or so and then sit down and have a honest chat, he is probably only saying those things about IVF because deep down he is scared and gutted!

You need to remind him that it takes a real man to come to terms with this, you still have a real chance to make this work but he needs to be with you 100%.  There will be  problems along the way but as long as you are in it together you will be alright.

Our thoughts are with you both, and my DH also said don't let you DH get away with murder-keep him on track!! x x x x
 
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