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Hi Everyone

Firstly, like everyone says, I'm so happy I found this website.
Apart from DH, and a loyal friend, I have not shared my story with anyone until now. Its too painful, and basically everyone I know seems to get it on the "first go". One time I made the foolish mistake of telling someone that I was about to start (how silly). Of course she got pregnant with the second kid (2 boys). Anyway, one day she stood there giving out about a neighbor who had just had a girl (what she really wanted), and said to me that she wasn't jealous of her neighbor because she had everything she had ever wanted. I just kept quiet. Well, with remarks like that you just may as well throw salt in my eyes while you’re at it!!  :'(
Apart from that it’s private and can be depressing. What can they say to me anyway to cheer me up - its not mortgage advise or anything. Basically, the way I feel its just better when the whole 'kid' thing doesn't come up in conversation.

Anyway, I'm sorry, I'm waffling on. Like everything else in life, I had a plan and thought cos I had regular (and painful) periods that when the time would come, it would happen. 2 yrs later, and I don't know anymore. We did all the tests, and everything came out fine. Did the HSG though and they told me the left fall. tube was blocked. Big disappointment as my left side is the active side (got to know this from IUI and regular trips to hospital). When I eventually got the results, (BTW, I live abroad so the level of English is never comforting) I got the ole' statistic textbook answer - there's a "high probability that" there's access. It was said with much doubt, but nevertheless, it was better to hear. I thought the next avenue would be IVF, but they recommended that we try IUI with clomid this time. BTW, I took part in a study to see which was better Gonal F or Clomid. I’m curious about the clomid now.
After that I took some time off, and have decided to wait until 2005.

I'm sorry for waffling on, and I don't want to be a moaner - I'm normally not, but I guess I have never told anyone this, and this was my chance to say it.

Anyway, you have all inspired me - there are some really wonderful people out there and I'm glad to have met you here. I have come to realize that I wasn't going insane, that my feelings are totally normal, and that I'm not alone.
I really wish you all the best!! :)
 

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hi Trislan

welcome to ff

i bet you feel better for letting it all out hun, dont worry we all understand how you are feeling coz i think we have all been there at some time or other, although our stories are all different we are all shooting at the same goal so to speak ;D

why not join the chitter chatters and hang out until (well during and after too) treatment the girls on there have kept me sane this last few months.

good luck for 2005 lets hope it's going to be all our years and we see lots of ^reiki^ ^BFP^ on this site

take care

pam xx
 

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Hi Trislan
Welcome to FF.
I am glad that you have been able to share your thoughts and emotions with us here, because we have all experienced the same or similiar over the months and years we have been ttc, and it certainly comforting to know that you aren't alone and that there are others who can identify with what you are going through.
Remember, all of us here and there for each other no matter what so do feel free to vent whenever it is needed.
Wishing you the best of luck
Chick
 

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Hi Trislan,

A warm welcome to FF!  So pleased you decided to join us.

If there is anything you are unsure of, please ask.

Laine x
 

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hi

Just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel when it comes to friends and the whole baby subject.
although I am always happy to hear when some one is preg ans I wouldn't want to taking anything away from there joy, for me it is always very upsetting.
friends and family try to be supportive but what can they do, they can't get me preg can they??

Donna
 

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Hi guys, I can also sympathise with you. I had to have my parents cat put down today as he was ill and they are away - after doing this a friend (who is 4 months pregnant) called me and started carrying on about how she is really worried about getting a bump and not fitting into her clothes!! I ask you! Its not her fault as she does not know our situation, but all I wanted was a few words of sympathy as I felt really sad and all she did was make me feel 100 times worse.  Poor DH got the brunt of my tears. Still feel really miserable, hoping Xmas will cheer me up.
Just nice to know there are others who understand.
Love Sammy  :'(
 
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