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Good morning

Its 3am and yet again I am wide awake searching the internet and worrying about my unborn baby.

It’s my first pregnancy and I’m 18 weeks via IVF egg donor due to my age of 50. I never really believed this would happen for us and constantly told myself it wouldn’t work as the statistics and my gynae issues were stacked against it being successful.

I had a lot of bleeding and trips to EPU in first 12 weeks and since then my anxiety has rocketed. It can about different things such as birth defects, baby’s health and I’m very worried about my 20 week scan. I was on a large amount of drugs due to IVF but slowly reducing as pregnancy progresses not sure if they contribute to my anxiety.

I found out that it’s a boy and my Husbands nephew has autism and wonder the chances that my baby might have it??

Is all this worrying and anxiety normal or should I see my doctor / midwife? One minute I’m ok and then this wave of anxiety comes over me and I go into a complete panic.

I feel thankful & blessed but this is ruining the whole experience for me.

Please any advice would be appreciated.
Many thanks
 

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Hi Nikki,
Rest assured that this is COMPLETELY normal. I think even with a natural pregnancy, you would worry and stress that things will be ok. Its all that we want for our babies. But with a donor you have an extra stress.
I was in the same position as you. At my booking appointment with my consultant, he mentioned doing a test for Downs Syndrome. I was so upset and convinced that he must have known something that I didnt! I did not do the test as it would not have made a difference at that stage.
I put my faith in my clinic that they would find a suitable match and fast forward 9 months and I have the most perfect little baby.
Its easy to say “try not to worry” but its only natural to worry. Treat every scan/appointment as one step closer to meeting your little one. This is the baby that you were meant to have.
Good luck in your pregnancy 🙏🏼
 

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Hi Nikki

The 3 am wakenings are definitely normal - I'm 26 weeks with our second DE baby and have only stopped the early morning wakenings in the past month or so. Had the same in first pregnancy also. It is miserable.

One thing that doesn't help with the anxiety - which I'm sure you're aware of - is Dr Google. We're all guilty of it, but really the best thing to do for anxiety is step away from the internet and Google. Sounds like it's not your friend at the moment and definitely not helping 😔

Definitely some anxiety is normal, especially after IVF, and the difficulty getting to this place. I also think hormones have something to do with it. However, if it's spoiling the pregnancy and really interfering with your quality of life I don't think it would hurt to mention it to your midwife. She may be able to offer you some suggestions or help.
 
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Hi Nikki,

I’m sorry you are experiencing anxiety. I agree that some amount of anxiety is completely normal and part of the pregnancy process, however if it’s getting you down or you feel that its having an impact on your well-being I would speak to your midwife who might be able to refer you to peri-natal mental health services for some psychological support. I think the stress of ivf and then dealing with pregnancy can be hugely emotionally draining and isn’t given enough acknowledgment. You are not alone and lots of others will be able to empathise with what you’re going through.

with regard the early morning wakings, sadly I think a big part of this is hormonal. I have had it in both pregnancies (1natural and 1 after 9 rounds of ivf). If I was worried or stressed about anything (normally work related) my mind would focus on that and I would struggle to switch off and get back to sleep. I tried a mindfulness app which helped.

good luck with it and hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly.
 

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Hi Nikki

Just wanted to say I hope you are feeling better soon, I am still on my IVF journey but did have a miscarriage before Christmas. I have to say during this time when I was pregnant I was exactly the same, my anxiety went through the roof!

Hope you find something that helps soon. There is a free app called "Mindshift" I find useful and it has some very short relaxation sessions on too.
 

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@Positive20 I am sorry to read your story.
Nikki, your anxiety is completely normal, and it might be the start of your journey of being a mum who will be worrying about first steps and teeth, bruises, 1st school day, etc. If you wish to work on that, I would seek some professional help.
 
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