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Hi there, this is my first post so here goes.....My partner and I are both 39 and have a gorgeous son age 4 who is the result of a 1st attempt IVF treatment, we are extremely lucky and grateful.  My partner already has a child from a previous relationship so we were not eligible for funding so paid privately for the treatment.  We would dearly love to have another child together but simply cannot afford to fund IVF again.  I am unable to fall pregnant naturally as I have had both fallopian tubes removed as the result of ectopic pregnancies.  We have decided that we can not afford to have another child together and accepted that.

Here's my problem...my sister and her husband were having difficulty concieving.  They received funding for 2 IVF cycles.  The first attempt failed but i've recently been given the great news that they're 3 months pregnant with twins!  I am really pleased for them but part of me feels completely destroyed and I don't know why I am feeling like this?  I have cried constantly since finding out and realised that I still want another child but know that it will never happen. My partner is great and very supportive but I really don't know how to deal with this, I can't speak to my sister as she is overjoyed that their family will be complete with two children and I don't want to put my feelings on her shoulders.  Am I being really selfish? I feel as though I am!  Has anyone else experienced similar? Really don't know how to deal with this and wish I could stop getting upset when I think about it?  Any advice would be greatfully received.  Thank you for taking the time to read this!  Chezalex x
 

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Hi Chez, I can relate to your post;
I have 3 1/2 year old wonderful little girl, (icsi first attempt)  we've had two icsi since and both failed. Now I am 40, and decided no more money and time down the drain on treatment. That is now officially behind us. I never wanted to be in my 40's and preggers anyway. However .... I totally get why you are so upset about your sister's news. For me, I absolutely loathe hearing other people's "good news" not because I wish infertility on anyone else (apart from people who abuse / neglect their children of course ! !) but other people's pregnancies bring it home how wonderful it is to go through that exciting time and how completely crap, unfair and downright cruel it is that I wont get the chance to love and lavish another baby as much as I have enjoyed doing so and continue to do for my little one. No it's not selfish, its completely normal, I think, to yearn for another, I'm convinced our bodies make our minds yearn for more, and our minds yearn for another so much because being a mummy is better than we even dared to imagine .......
take care chezalex, love Janine x
 

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Hi Chez,

I am in similar situation like you. I have my precious daughter from my 1st ICSI.. She is 3 now.. We have tried so hard since than to have another.. In april I will do 6th trial. We are putting all we got into this.. As I am 41 this year.. We can not do this anymore.. This year is the last year.. We try as much as we can and draw a line to it.. I can not live like this anymore.. I so had enough..

What you are feeling all so very normal.. I usually have a huge problem with people are pregnant.. Once they have their baby it all goes away.. I can be wth them most of the time and enjoy their babies.. And of course do get upset when I get home. Cos I am never going to have that feeling ever again. But I love babies so much.. I would rather enjoy them and suffer at home at night with my tears.. I think I will lose on loving them if I don't spend time with them.. You will find the way that suits you.. And if you are not going to have any more, you might enjoy your sisters for a while no? I think you can try to talk to her.. I am sure she will understand.. But do this if you think she can handle what you are saying to her... I am sure she will cos she had to go through 2 ivfs to get to her twins..

Plus point those twins will be valuable to your singleton.. They can be potantial of very good mates(cousins).. I am trying for my DD to be close with her cousin.. I want her to ahve lots of friends so she won't feel lonely in the future.. For you it is so great that his cousines are IVF babies like him..

We have to see the positives.. Other wise how could we be happy and make our little and big darlings happy.. And at the end of the day all we want for them to be happy..


Love. Kukixx
 

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Hi

I think it is completely normal for you to be upset about a pregnancy so close to home.
My ds is nearly 3 and is looking increasingly like he will be our only.  I found the year or so after he was born very difficult as most of my friends and family who had a baby around the time of ds were onto number 2!  As time has gone on I have have begun to accept that I won't be pregnant again I have found it easier not to be so upset.
Im sure your feelings aren't helped by the fact of you not being able to access the nhs for help or afford it yourself.  That seems so unfair... It's not like you choose to have ectopic pregnancies!

I sure once the twins arrive you will be a great aunt and your sister will be delighted with any help you will be able to give her.
 
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