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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hello,

i am just wondering if my group is in the minority or what because i am having probs with it!  i meet up with my nct group regularly and we're pretty chilled out.  my post natal group is another story!  i stopped going a few weeks ago after one of the girls i had gotten friendly with became unbearable (sorry!).  to cut a long story short, in april i had blood work done to check hcg levels following a weak bfp.  the levels were low and i then started to bleed v heavily and obv miscarried.  neway, the day i saw the gp is saw this girl and she didn't even ask me about my appt.  we were walking the babies and i said what the gp had told me and she said oh dear and then went back to waffling on about her retunr to work and never mentioned it again.  she's super selfish and always telling everyoen what to do.  neway, i tried to overlook this.  then she and another girl decided that our group wouldn't go to each other's babies bday parties or exchange presents or cards without consulting any of us!  this got my back up big time as i cannot be dictated to at my age!!  neway, i decided nto to go anymroe and 2 of the other girls know why.  i went over to one of their houses last week who then proceeded to lecture me on having it out with this girl and how i am making her and my other friend in the group annoyed bc they feel they're int he middle.  in themiddle of what, i say?  i chose to stop going to the group rather than confront this selfish woman and the others don't feel they can stay in contact with me outside of the group because of this other woman.  i am too old to deal with school girl /playground antics and am sick to the back teeth of the situation.  i am not a confrontational person and don't particularly want to go up to someone and say hey, you're a selfish cow & i'd rather walk over hot coals than listen to you LOL.  neway, i wanted another opinion on the issue and wanted to know if i am being selfish as well??  aaaaaaaaarrrrgh!!  thank god for my other group!

xxxxxxxxxx

ps thanks for reading if you got this far  ;D
 

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Hmmm..........I think the trouble with ante/post natal groups is that you're thrown together and expected to all get along and become life long buddies when, really, all you may have in common with some of them is that you are going to have a child the same age.

I actually broke contact with my group after having J as I just wasn't comfortable with them. It didn't help that J was so late and the others due near me were early meaning he ended up being the youngest by 5 weeks but, even without this gap, they were all very much competitive yummy mummies which I just couldn't be doing with. Instead I joined groups that were more 'me' and got to know the other mummies in a more relaxed atmosphere.

Go with your instincts, I have to say they don't like the sort of group I could spend my time with.

Chux xx
 

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~ Chux ~ said:
Hmmm..........I think the trouble with ante/post natal groups is that you're thrown together and expected to all get along and become life long buddies when, really, all you may have in common with some of them is that you are going to have a child the same age.


Definitely. Imagine if you'd all started work on the same day at a brand new company; you wouldn't automatically become best buddies. When you have your first baby you're suddenly thrown into this brand new 'job' that you don't know how to do. I think a lot of new mums have a bit of a confidence wobble - I know I did - and can be quite defensive towards others in the group. It can take quite a long time to settle down, and some groups simply don't gel very well.

I think you've done the right thing by removing yourself from a childish situation ^hugme^

xx Clare
 

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Our postnatal group had only 4 members and we never stayed in touch - I saw one of them for the first time in over a year the other week, she text said did i fancy getting the boys together (born same day) it was fine, she turned up with no.2 already 4months old which was a bit of shocker - we got on fine but we are very different...  :)

Your lot sound like a nightmare, congrats on escaping - it would do my head in!!

Bev x
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thank you so much for replying  ^hugme^ ^hugme^

bev - i am so glad to see you are ok after your surgery.  how are you feeling and how is bubs?  xx  glad to know i am doing the right thing in breaking away from the group.  tbh the only other normal mummy has escaped as well and we see each other a few times a month. 

clare - that's right about it being a new job - it is really.  i think the other girls in our group are quite happy to be told when/where/how but i am way too much of an individual to have that work on me  ;D

chux - they are seriously mad!  i have a lot more confidence in myself after reading the replies :)  i have done the right thing.  i am joining a new music class and joining waterbabies soon, too.  that will be a great way to meet other mummies.

thank you for helping me!!  xx
 
G

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moondoggie... ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^....

like the others have already said..you've done the grown up thing by removing yourself from the situation..dont feel bullied by them..stand your ground.... :)

i also dont meet with any of the mums in my group as they weren't friendly at all... ^bigbad^

hope it goes well for you..

:-* :-* :-*
 

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I'm the same! I had a post natal group on a Monday and a singing group on a Friday. Luckily the girl I bonded with most went to both so we've become good friends in the last 5 months or so. I really thought I'd keep in contact with the Friday lot but god was I wrong ;D one day my friend had heard them talking about going out one night. They didn't try to hide it but didn't think anything of it. Anyway one day we're sitting round discussing ways we unwind when we get a break from the baby, one said 'we go out and dance don't we girls' to 2 of them and then proceeded to tell the teacher that they were going out that Friday night to a club! They'd basically asked everyone but me and my friend :eek: towards the end of the term, the ringleader would say 'I don't know what I'm going to do of a Friday morning now' and wink at her mates! Obviously they had arranged to meet up and again not asked us. Then the last session she came over to one of the other girls who'd not been there the previous week and handed her a piece of paper with her details on RIGHT IN FRONT of us again ;D I have no idea what we'd done, we hadn't exchanged words and I'd even got the ringleader a birthday card. The only thing I could think it was, was me turning down a piece of said ringleaders homemade lemon cake ^roflmao^ i don't like lemons though ;D ;D

It annoyed me at first as me and my friend really had done nothing wrong, I think it was maybe because we were younger?? But then realised I didn't want to be friends with them anyway so we laugh about it now!

Turned out I've stayed friends with the Monday group lot! We began meeting once a week at each others houses or in the park if weather was nice and was good to get out and speak with people going through the same things. That said I'm friendlier with two of them out of the 6 of us. Like the others have said just cos we all have babies doesn't mean we are going to be best mates. One of the girls can be quite overbearing and she rubs the others up the wrong way but I don't stand for it, I always stand my ground ;) and another is totally different from us! She's a punk type with dreadlock extensions, attends festivals, takes drugs, etc and a few of us have found her to be just too different. Which there's nothing wrong with at all, that's just life!

I say stick to your guns and tell the other girls how you feel, they shouldn't feel stuck in the middle

x
 

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I've sort of come away from my postnatal group.  One of the women was uber-competative and it just wound me up so much that we ended up having an argument about 3 months ago and haven't spoken since (oops!)  - when a friends baby does something new, even if Ethan's already done it, I clap and say how clever.  When Ethan clapped for the first time, for example, she sniffed and said 'Oh, A has been clapping for ages now, its because we sing clapping songs with her, don't you ever do that?' (implying that I'm somehow lacking, or that she's better?! - and of course, we're always singing songs and clapping!)
She also told me her DD had been born 10 days early, and when I told her Ethan was 5 weeks early she was very interested, then the next time I saw her, she was telling me HER DD was 5 weeks early  ^idiot^ - I just nodded and thought I'd heard wrong, but things didn't add up - she kept on and on telling me I'd never imagine how small her DD was when she was born (at 6lb 4oz and I had a 5lb baby so yes, I can imagine how small a 6lb baby is! Ethan was 6 weeks old before he hit 6lbs!)  and she was hugely competative about whose baby weighed less  ::) it was silly.  She'd tell me one week seh weighed 12lbs and then if I had Ethan weighed at 11lb she'd tell me her dd was 10lbs  ::) ::)  ^idiot^  All silly things really but ... but ... very annoying!
I found out her DD wasn't 5 weeks early when she told me she'd concieved over christmas and her daughter was born mid september ... so pretty much 9 months later.  ::)
She also made snide digs about me - we were having the house renovated and instead of saying something like 'Oooh, why not get your bathroom window extended, it'll give you so much more sunlight!' she said 'I'd get the bathroom window extended, its SO dingy in here'  :eek:
She's no longer a friend after her husband did some electrical work for us, telling us he was a qualified electrician and could certificate his work - when he refused to give us a certificate, we got an electrician in to finish the work and 3 seperate independant electricians told us the work he'd done was illegal and higly dangerous and we've since found out he's not qualified at all  :-\  That was the last steaw, we had an argument and I'd rather not see her again.

Sad really, but as others say, you can't get on with everyone just because you had babies at the same time!

Marie xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
marielou- omg i feel awful for you!!  sounds v similar in terms of nastiness.  i am just so surprised that people carry on like this to other people!  i think that you are best out of it as well.  good riddance, i say!!

stroke of luck today - i have enrolled lo on a waterbabies course that starts next week on the day the meet up usually is.  i sent a very curt email to them all saying we are now too busy and might see you in town  ;D ;D  boy oh boy do i feel better!

thank you all again for your continued support xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

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My twin group was a bit like that.  My HV kept on and on about getting all the twin mummies on her books together and they arranged a meet at the local surgery in February 2007.  I instigated a second meeting at my house to get to know each other as the first was just a facilitating meeting.  3 other Mums (there were 6 of us to start with) turned up and we met twice a month for 3 or 4 months.  Then we realised one of the Mum's whose sister used to go everywhere with her (in fact I saw them in the park last week and there she was pushing on of the twins in a single pushchair) had never hosted a meet.  There'd been 3 of us (who all managed to host and look after our girls on our own) doing all the work while she didn't even as much as bring alone a packet of biscuits.  I firstly mentioned it to the girl in question and she said that her house was small (I know where she lives and it's bigger than my house) and when I asked again (casually - honest!) she said she could host because her DH worked from home (what kind of policeman works from home!).

The others in the group asked me to drop it and I decided that other than having twins in common we really weren't very alike and never going to be really close so I stopped going.  They've met once since I stopped going to my knowledge.

Sometimes things just don't work.

HJG
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
hjg - so true that things sometimes don't work.  so glad it's not just me!!  xx
 

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Hiya C ~ long time no speak hun :-*
Well i havent gone to any playgroups purely for that reason. My child can do this etc. I was going to go to one this week, but tbh i'd rather go to a soft play once a while so i dont get to know people that well, sounds strange but i'm not into that. We have a couple of mill factory shops with huge soft play areas where people just drop in, the type where you never really gonna see the same people twice.
The end of the day you dont owe these people anything, and theres nothing to say you HAVE to stay in touch. Like the others have said the only thing in common is you all have babies a similiar age.
So long as lil one is happy, contented, stimulated and gets to mix with others now and then i'm sure he'll be fine hun. Do your own thing, we do! (and its suits us)
Cant be doing with the clickyness of groups of women so i stay clear! Not all of us are like that but it only takes one to ruin it for everyone! And theres always one!

Love Ceri x
 

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Hi al

Just on a kind of related matter - it gets worse when they start school !!!!

Ahhhh don't exoect to be invited to birthday parties/nights out/PTA Meetings unless you are a member of the mummy mafia !!!! 

Some parents make me laugh !!  Marielou - the woman you mentioned made me giggle the most - honestly how pathetic can you get ???

((hugs))

T xx
 
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