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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I wanted to start a new thread to see if anyone else is going through what I am at the moment. I've had 2 attempts of Donor Insemination so far with no success. We are about to embark on our 3rd try very soon.

My DP had a vasectomy a long time ago. We met about 3 years ago and as I have ALWAYS wanted children it was discussed often, we have looked into all the other options, and DI is really our only choice.

I would love some other people to talk to who are going through this too.

Jules x :)
 

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Hi Jules

I replied to your other thread about the Welfare of the Child form.

My husband has a blockage (similar to having a vasectomy apparently - although this was not through choice) and so we are having to undertake ICSI using sperm retrieval (when I have my EC). However because they cant guaranttee that they will be able to get enough or suitable sperm from my dh on the day we have to have a sperm donor as backup. Therefore we have been through all the counselling, sperm selection processes in case we need to go down this route - otherwise my ICSI cycle would have to be abandoned..

To be honest - both my husband and i have now decided that if we cant have children together then using a donor is the next best thing but having said that, there is still alot to get your head around isnt there?!

Good luck with your DI - if we have no luck with this ICSI cycle (either using my dh's sperm or the donors) I guess I will be have straight DI next time!

Do you have to go through all the injections still with regular DI?

CateX
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hi Cate

Nice to meet you!! In answer to your question, no we don't have to have injections etc just yet, it's as natural as it can be. I just have scans to check my follicles are growing nicely then use ovulation predictor kits to time ovulation, then I go in to be inseminated! It's just like have a smear test done!! The only reason that I may have to start taking drugs to help things along is if they encounter a problem with me - they actually think that I may have immature eggs, ie the follicles are rupturing before the egg has got big enough! They are going to try another couple of cycles and then put me on the drugs!

If there are any other questions or queries you have, just let me know, I know quite alot about it all, I am forever reading up and asking questions myself!

Take care

Jules x
 

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Hi Jules and Cate

My dh has also had a vasectomy and before we married we discussed children. I have not been married before and really wanted to have a baby with him, but for us the donor route was the only option.

You are right there is an awful lot to get your head around. Have you told family / friends what you are doing? How did they react? We have told most of our family and friends. At first my thought was I am not telling anyone that way it will be dh's child because noone will know otherwise. But then I thought differntly after a while and dh has always been ok with the idea - it was me who wasnt so sure. I had one bad reaction from a friend which upset me but she has come around to idea since.

I have had 4 cycles of straight DI but no joy. I had a fibroid about 10cm square in front of left ovary which hid it completely. The first cycle I think we missed because I dont give a postive reaction to the ovulation predictor kit. The next 2 we didnt see a follicle - assumed it was on the left as blood test afterwards showed I ovulated. Last one was on right and actually saw it. Was really hopeful that time but alas it was not to be.

Have had dreaded fibroid removed surgically and since had 3 superovulation cycles with donor sperm. Unfortunately I over react to the drugs so after 2 cancelled cycles and a case of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome at last I have had a cycle that went all the way - but unfortunately negative. At least now we know that we have the dose of drugs right and that the metformin is working.

We are headed for another cycle in February.

Looking forward to hearing from you

love
julie anne ;D
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hi Julie anne!! (my name too!!!)

So, it looks like you are going through the same as me - it's nice to find someone else out there that is!! I shall tell you my story. I met DP 3 years ago (i'm 31, he's 41). He has 3 children from his previous marriage (aged 11, 14 and 17 - 2 girls and a boy). He also had the dreaded vasectomy, which he now deeply regrets, we have looked into having it reversed, but the success rate was pretty low seeing as he had it done over 10 years ago, so really our only route to be able to have a child together is DI. I have always desperately wanted children - and I still can't believe I chose to fall in love with someone who couldn't!!!!! ;)

Anyway, we have told our family and friends what route we are taking and they seem fine about it, which really helps! My parents just want to be grandparents so much - I'm the only one who can fulfil that for them - pressure on! I am so open about it, sometimes I think that I shouldn't be, but i'm also so excited about it!! We have told DP's children that we are trying for a baby, they don't need to know the whole story just yet!

Treatment so far: We have had 2 unsuccessful treatments of IUI at a hospital in East Sussex. I wasn't at all happy with the way that they did things there, I just know that they got the timing wrong both times. I too don't react well with the predictor kits, so I had to have follicle scans to check my timing, but the first time I was too early (day 10 of a 29 day cycle?!) and the second time I had already ovulated (they could tell by the scan!) but they decided to inseminate anyway!!! (I felt that they just wanted our money!)

There was alot more to it than that, we just weren't happy with the way they did things there - they didn't seem to treat me as an individual.

So, we are now in the process of changing clinics, we are going to one in Hampshire. All the bllod tests have been done, forms sent back, now we are just waiting for my cycle really!

I just can't wait to get back on the awful 2ww again ;)

Hope to catch you soon.

Jules x
 

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Hi Jules

My names julie but that was already taken so I tacked on my middle name too.

dh - Martin also has two children through his previous marriage David and Claire 16 and 18. We didn't tell them we were trying either but I didn't hide the operation I just didn't explain the signufucance - just said to help with af. However children have big ears especially when it doesn't concern them, and David caught part of a conversation and after I had dropped him home one weekend he told Claire he thought that I was pregnant. She phoned her Dad and really let him have it. Their Mum had already had a baby and they were the last to know so this was top of her list of complaints. The fact that I wasnt meant that dh said that when we knew anything they would. Then she sarcastically said by what miricle of science were we having it - he declined to answer. She then went on to tell him at 46 he was too old and had nothing to give a child - ouch that bit really hurt. Its really wierd but since then neither of them has even mentioned it, although she still knows my folic acid tablets are in the cupboard.

Dont get me wrong I get on well with both of them but I think they both had a rough time when their half brother Robert was born and they slid down several places in the popularity stakes - especilly Claire as David was always Mums favourite before R was born.

Heather sorry I missed you lunch time I was late signing on. Catch up with you later I hope.

love

julie anne x
 

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Hi all :)

My dh and I were ttc for around 5 years before we underwent donor IUI. We underwent 2 cycles in Dec 99 and Jan 2000, the second of which produced our son who is now 2 yrs & 3 months. Both our cycles were with injectables, one which stimulated my ovaries and one which stopped my natural cycle and prevented early ovulation. There was little difference between the 2 cycles - both produced 2 excellent follicles. The only difference I remember was that insemination on cycle 1 hurt like mad, but was totally painless the second cycle. I was told by the clinic at the time that the cervix tends to open a little at ovulation and if insemmination is perfectly timed it (usually) doesn't hurt. Dh has azoospermia, and we never investigated the cause. We were so desperate after 5 years that we moved straight to donor sperm. We hope to undergo a cycle of treatment again mid Feb, but the clinic we are using in Cardiff is having staffing probs, so who knows! We got turned down already in Jan - was devastated!

As far as tellng our child(ren), we fully intend to. Before we conceived, we had made the decision not to tell, but once he was here and it was reality, we changed our minds after about a year, and have been content with this decision since. We have books for him and have received excellent advice from the Donor Conception Network. I am scared of telling, but hope it will be something he always knows - like adopted children - and with luck that will help him. My main worry is for when he's in school and if he tells his friends, and gets teased. We can't tell him it's a secret, because it's not and to do so would make it seem like something awful, when it's anything but. It's such a personal decision whether you 'tell' or not, but for us, to tell is definitely the right thing to do.

We told my parents and close friends when undergoing treatment, and told dh's parents once we'd changed our minds. We hadn't said earlier as there was no need for them to know if we weren't going to tell. I had to tell my parents and close friends during treatment, as I needed the support. Dh chose not to tell his parents. When they did find out they were excellent about it, and even reimbursed some of the cost of treatment! We have had no problems with anybody we have told, but we have been selective. We will let our child(ren) tell his story when he is older and understands to whom he chooses. We have told all the people we intend to (about 6 altogether).

I wish you all the very best of luck in your treatment and pray each of you get your little miracle(s). Hugs and xxxx. J.
 

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Hello girls,

Just reading through this thread. It's a very hard one this, I think. My dh also had a vasectomy which he did have reversed, unsuccessfully.

We decided to opt for the icsi route as dh just has very high level of antibodies meaning by the time the swimmers come out they are immotile, but the ones inside are OK! So when he had PESA they were able to find some - enough to fertilise 15 of my eggs anyway!

There is a possible but little understood (as yet) risk involved in immature sperm which we were told about.

Dh is adamant he does not want to consider donor sperm and I do understand his feelings but sometimes I wish he would just consider it if icsi doesn't work out.

Julie Anne I can sympathise with your story, my dh for several years refused to have any more kids because he didn't want his existing ones to feel like that - they also had a new half brother only 9 months after their parents divorced ( ;)!!).

But now they are older and he has talked to them about it and I think they would be fine with it now, they know we are having tx but we didn't tell them exactly when last two times. Thankfully also we didn't tell them about my ++ test last time so they didn't know I had a m/c and I preferred it that way.

So I don't think we will go down the donor route, and I think those that do are very brave, whether it be eggs or sperm. So good luck to all of you!

Lots of love

Vicky


 

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J

Thank you for sharing your post with us its good to see that the treatment can work. I agree with everything you say and we were members of the donor conception network too but were put off by the increasing numbers who think that the offspring of donors should know their birth father.

You see although I want our child - hoping we get this far - to know how he / she is conceived thats as far as I want it to go. I am hoping that if they grow up with the knowledge it will hold no interest for them, and your right you cant tell them and say its a secret because then it would be telling there was something wrong with it.

We are having such difficulties getting sperm at the moment because of the possible change in the law.

My cycle has started 5 days early and I phoned and left a message on saturday and they called back today. There should have been a delivery on friday of sperm but snow stopped it being delivered. They dont know if when it does get delivered it will be viable or not so they dont know if the cycle can go ahead or not. Worse than this some of the ladies depending on that sperm and ready for insemination this weekend had to be cancelled because it didnt get there. That must have been awful. Anyway hopefully there will be better news when they ring me tomorrow.

J I hope that you get news of your new cycle and that it will be soon.

Vicky I think anyone who has to go through fertility treatment is brave and I hope that your treatment produces a positive result for you and your dh.

love
julie anne xx
 

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Vicky

I notice form your post that you are having treatment at Bourn Hall. Does that mean you are local to cambridge?

love julie anne xx
 

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Vicky just answered my own question ;D have read your post on the which clinic board.

If ever you fancy getting together for a chat & coffee I would happily meet up.

love julie anne x
 

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Hi Julie Anne

That would be nice although I expect actually the first time we meet will be in Stratford as I won't probably be over to Bourn again until after the meet-up.

(Expect to start sniffing March so depends when down reg scan is).

Do you actually live in Cambridge or outside?

In fact just thinking about it I believe we are buying your pressies for Stratford.

Feel free to drop hints! (probably not allowed but hey!).

Hope all turns out OK with the sperm delivery, yet another thing in the chain that can go wrong I suppose. There are so many obstacles in this game it makes me laugh when they portray IVF in the media as being a way for people to select the sex of their child or for genetic testing - any child by any means would be enough for all of us, wouldn't it!

Lots of love

Vicky





 

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Hi Vicky

We live just outside Cambridge about 7 miles from Ely.

No sorry no hints I am afraid. In fact just trying to start looking for the ones we have to but. This is the first time for us - do we buy for each person in couple seperately or do we buy something joint - any help would be gratefully received.

Looking forward to meeting you either here or Stratford whichever comes first :)

love julie anne xx
 

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Okay, off to clinic this am and hoping to start stims this evening. So far, so good.

Going to move to the 'sniffers and stabbers' postings, as it's a bit quiet here in the IUI'ers LOL


 

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Hi all
we are having the same dilema.
J - so good to hear your success story - what an inspiration. I totally see where you are coming from in terms of telling your child about DI and I can see why you might be nervous about what he'll say to friends at schoold etc. Thats exactly my concern too. Have you ever considered telling him later, when he might be more selective or do you think it would get harder as they get older?
May I ask , how does your DH feel about your child, does he ever have moments of not feeling as close to him as you do, and do you ever think about the donor....or do you just get on with life!! I hope you dont mind my asking - I have become incredibly nosey on teh subject - as we are in the process of making the DI decision. Its funny I always thought this was something that "other people" did and I'd never be having to think about it...never know what little surprises lifes gonna throw at you do you!
Any advice/stories/pointers would be SO grateully accepted!

ps - can someone tell me about teh changes in the law re getting access to the donor information - I have lost track

pps - hello Heather!!
 

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Hi J
am new - just wrote a reply to your message but not sure I sent it!
Just wanted to say I am very inspired by your success. We are ttc and DI is looking like our most likely option
I completely see your concern about telling your child when hes school age and not knowing if he'll be selective about who he tells. Its exactly the "telling" dilemna we have (by the way we haven't told anyone we're even thinking about it including our parents - which I find quite hard but dh doesnt want to tell anyone yet).

ANYWAY have a couple of Qs - hope you dont mind! Did you ever consider telling your son when hes a bit older - ie so that he knows who not to tell etc? Or do you think it just gets harder to tell as they get older?
Are you pleased that you have told a small circle of friends - has it made it easier - do you worry it get leaked at all?
We thought we wouldnt tell anyone - but then I thought shouldnt grandparents and godparents have the right to know?
Finally (ish!) do you think your dh feels as close to you baby as you do, given the genes thing - do you think hes ever felt a bit "excluded"- am worried my dh might feel like that a bit??
So many Qs - hope you dont mind my asking !

I have see the story books on DI and they seem a great way of telling.
I have spoken the the DC network and they were great too .

One last thing generally.....
Does anyone know whats the update on teh law w.r.t. donor parents giving identifying info - I know they were looking to make it more open (not sure I like the idea??) .
There was someone on Radio 4 earlier saying how difficult it is for donor children not knowing who their gentic father is...she was a bit "righteous" actually.....I dunno if I agree with this , I'd guess the VAST majority of DI children either dont know they are DI at all or if they do have just accepted it and gotten on with their lives....do you agree?

ps hello heather!!

 

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Hi Caz

We're having donor IUI on Tuesday of next week and are feeling really excited that it could result in a sibling for our son ;D

I'm more than happy to answer your questions.

I wouldn't wait to tell until he was older, as I think if he knows whilst he's growing up it would be less of an issue. I think to tell him when he was, say a teenager, would be a disaster - especially with all the things that teenagers go through already. I hope it'll be like if he was adopted and will always just know about it. I will tell as soon as he asks questions about sex.

I have never regretted telling a small circle of close friends, and I don't worry about it being leaked as we plan to tell our son anyway. I know the people I have told would never 'leak' it anyway, but it's not the end of the world if they did. It may hurt our pride a little if our private business became public gossip, but that's all. If we had decided not to tell our child(ren) then I wouldn't have told anyone. I think in this case it would be best to find support during treatment from elsewhere - like this site. The risks of 'leaking' later in life would be too great a risk.

My dh has been fantastic since the day he found out he had azoospermia. We in fact got married 6 months after he was diagnosed. I had no problems with this as he was so good about the fact we may need to use a donor and never seemed to go through the trauma that a lot of men would when faced with this diagnosis. We always knew we could never afford ICSI and that donor IUI was our only option, and therefore never even had dh investigated. We decided to just put the money that investigations would cost into having DIUI.

He is as close as any father could be to a child, and is absolutely amazing with our son. I work Wed-Fri each week and am dh works Mon-Sat. Every single night, since our sone was about 3 weeks old, dh has given him his tea, bathed him and put him to bed. He says that this is his time with him as he is out to work so much. I on the other hand have plenty of time with him when I'm not working. He has always been a hands on dad and has been involved with nappy changing, getting up in the night, etc since day 1. He was fantastic during treatment, fantastic through my pregnancy and has been fantastic since. What more can I say, I make him sound perfect don't I LOL He isn't, but he is with our son.

We've been together for nearly 12 years now, and married for nearly 4, so I was pretty sure of him before we entered into treatment anyway.

I too found the donor conception network helpful, but to be honest, have only bought the books on 'telling' from them. I'm not a Member.

As far as the law goes. My understanding is that the Department of Health made an announcement a couple of weeks ago saying that donor children had lost their fight for the right to find out who their donor fathers were. If the law changes on new donors no longer being anonymous, it will definitely not affect children already born, and donations already frozen, ie. it won't be retrospective, but will be from that point on. I believe this would be a disaster, as men would no longer donate. Children can currently consult a register when they wish to marry to check that they are not marrying a sibling. We can also currently find out non identifying info like hair colour, age, occupation, etc.

I have never been interested in what my son's donor is like or what he does, etc. I just assume he is a student who has no family ties and wanted to make some money. That suits me just fine. He got what he wanted, and I got a gorgeous baby boy ;D

Best of luck to you.

J.
 

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Hello. My name is debbie and my husband and I are soon to embark at our first attempt at a natural cycle using donor sperm. We are going through the process of selecting a donor at the moment and the clinic has provided us with a number of suitable donors. Its hard to decide. Was wondering if you had any advice on the whole process.
Thanks
Debbie
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Hi Debbie!!!

Nice to meet you!!!

We too are going through Donor Insemination, I am currently towards the end of my 2 week wait of our 3rd attempt.

Where abouts are you from and what clinic are you at??

It would be really nice to 'chat' to you sometime, if there's any other info you need, just let me know.

Love Jules xx
 
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