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Hello,

We have an appt to discuss DIUI on 28th October.
We did a natural cycle of DIUI in July last year, I got pregnant first go, but m/c at 11 weeks.   :(     
We did a cycle of ICSI with hubby's sperm this year, but sadly our embies were very poor due to bad sperm, so we're licking our wounds and thinking of moving back to DIUI.
Would love to share this journey with others going through the same thing.

Marie xx
 

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Hi Marielou

I think we went through a cycle together in June....Sorry to hear that things haven't worked out on the ICSI front for you.

I too have an appointment to discuss DIUI on 28th Ocotober (spooky!).

Although we have got pregnant 2 out of 4 attempts at ICSI, I miscarried both at around 9 weeks - so we feel that this is no longer the right route for us.  Although I am devastated not to have my husband's baby gentically.

I would love to join this ride with you.

Love Tina
 

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Hi Marielou,
I'm now on my 2ww for the fourth time on DIUI.
If I can help with any questions, feel free to ask.
Wishing you all the best and also to Tina K. Good luck girls.
 

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hi everyone
we too are doing DIUI, i would love to share our story with you especially at this time as i am feeling very down at the moment.  here's our story in a nutshell:  hubby had failed vasectomy res (he has 4 children from previous marriage) we had 4 isci using hubby's sperm all neg and 1 fet ,well it did'nt get to transfere none of our 8 grade 1 embroys made it through the thaw (could'nt believe it).  after all this our consultant did say we could try again but we both decided that enough was enough. we have already had one natural attempt at diui, we did get a +ive but after 2 weeks af turned up, very very early m/c. we were both deversated. going to try again this month on another natural cycle. is anyone else having a natural go?.
ps  has anyone got step children? dh's daughter of 18 is 7mths preggers i fing this very difficult to cope with, knowing that her child will have more of a link to dh than ours will!!!
 

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Hi all  :)

Just wanted to pop by and wish you all so much luck in getting your little miracles. 

Love & babydust to you all.

Jayne x  ^fairydust^
 

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Loads of luck to you all from me too!!!!

Jules xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

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Hi Marielou

As you know we are using donor sperm, hope your appt went well on the 28th.

Take care
Bitbit
xxxxxx
 

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Hi Everyone,

I've been on the ICSI thread but also following your stories on here.  My DP has azoospermia and elevated FSH levels, we have an appointment booked for SSR and have been told there's a 50% chance of them finding sperm.

Last night DP admitted he would almost be relieved if they found nothing at SSR as he feels we’re so stressed about ICSI and said he can’t visualise us being successful, certainly not first go - in fact the consultant's parting words to me were 'Don't get your hopes up for it working first time, it usually takes about 3 attempts'.  DP is concerned about the risks of tx, to me and to a possible baby, e.g the risk of a boy also having azoospermia.  We were discussing whether it was fair to burden someone with that, as it’s different finding out when you’re in a committed relationship and TTC to always knowing that it's a possibility  (DP’s side is all boys).  He thinks maybe we should go straight for DI;  I'm not sure what to think, but due to the Christmas closedown they think my tx (if SSR was successful) would be February.  The waiting is driving me potty but that in itself doesn't seem a reason to go for DI.  From reading your stories, it sounds as though many of you have given up on ICSI.

Jayne, your boys are gorgeous, testament to the fact that once your baby arrives and you fall in love with him or her you wouldn't have it any other way.  I feel scared about having a child that is genetically 50% an unknown quantity, yet part of me just wants to get on with things rather than battling away with ICSI and ending up back at this point anyway.  DP's mum keeps telling us about a couple she knows, who decided not to bother with ICSI and went straight to DI; by the time the date of the consultation they'd booked had arrived, she was 3 months pg and now they're absolutely smitten with their son.  Yet would it be defeatist to not even try to have DP's baby?

Blimey, this IF thing is tough!  I would love to share thoughts with you on DI, as I'm struggling about what to do for the best.

love Caroline xx

 

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Good luck to all of you using DI.  Just a reminder that you may want to visit our website www.dcnetwork.org for lots of stories about families that were made using donor conception and lots of resources to help you think about who needs to know about your choice and how to tell them;  most importantly how to start the process of telling your child.
Best wishes to you all.
Olivia
 

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Hi All
My DH also has been diagnosed with azoospermia.....and while it took a year for him to wrap his head and heart around the idea of donor sperm- that is what option we have chose.  He decided to not pursue surgerical options to find sperm as he felt the statistics were not strong enough and he wondered what the "health status" of that particular sperm (if found) would be ...given that a man usually has hundreds.  As your DP has expressed Sweet Caroline....my DH also was extremely concerned about the possibility of passing on such a condition to his son (given that we have no idea why he has been affected in the first place).
Anyway, I really left that up to him and supported his decision.  While we initially felt "defeated" with DH's diagnosis (and still grieve).....for some reason I do not feel like a defeatist for skipping the "finding sperm"  option.
 
WIthout the "opportunity" of donor sperm, we would have had to consider adoption.  So I guess we try to look at donor sperm as "half of an adoption".  I would be lying if I did not note that I do have periods of feeling anxious and scared about the awareness that we are using donor sperm.....but ultimately, I find  peace in knowing that "a sperm does not make a father"....it takes commitment and unconditional love.  I think for all of us women and DPs who spend hours upon hours CONSIDERING the donor sperm option.... we definitely reflect the ultimate unconditional love for a child and commitment to having a family!

We have gone through 3 donor sperm IUI treatments with me taking clomid.  Next month is our 4th attempt and this time we are using a new donor and I am also doing puregon injections.  Let's hope the new factors bring new success!  ^reiki^
Take care and best wishes to all!  Gwendolyn
 

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Gwendolyn,

Thanks for your reply, I found it so helpful to hear from someone who has given so much thought to DI and you make such good points about it.  When I expressed the worry to DP that he might feel a pregnancy was nothing to do with him, he said that was rubbish as it would be a joint decision made out of committment to each other and to the child.  As he is a stepfather to my DD he already has proof that he can love a child that isn't biologically his, and in that case he didn't know her until she was 6 and she already has a father.  I think the donor option is more than half an adoption, given that you have the pregnancy and birth and it's never really anyone else's baby. 

I hope next month is successful for you!  ^goodluck^
Caroline x
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thank you girls for all your replys - after my appt last week, we have decided to try doing an IVF cycle, Half ICSI/Half IVF with donor sperm, and at ET we will make the choice over which embies to use, based on which ones are doing the best. 
We're both feeling fine and positive about using donor, probably because I've been pregnant with a donor baby before, who Mark loved, before we lost him.  It actually took him around 2-3 years to get his head around it in the first place, but he's just happy to love a baby that is made from our love, and is half of me.    Makes some kinda sense!  ;D
Caroline - when he sees the scan, with the little heartbeat, and when he sees the baby move and grow inside you, he'll love the baby, as much as if it were his own.  :-*
Marie xx
 

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Hi Marie

My DP has no doubts about bonding with a baby conceived by DI, it's me that's a bit scared.  I was very interested to hear about you planning to do half ICSI/half IVF donor;  did you come up with that idea or was it suggested to you?  Seeing as the priority is to have a healthy child, it makes sense to pick the strongest embies.  You and Mark have certainly been through a lot, I'm sorry to hear about m/c Charlie;  your experience goes to show that once you're pg you're rooting for that baby to make it, you no longer focus on where the sperm came from. 

So you're actually starting tx in December?  The Christmas closedown seems to have forced lots of people to wait until January, so that's lucky.  We have been phoning the andrologist for a week now, to try and bring forward SSR to December so we know where we stand.  After leaving countless messages he phoned this evening and didn't have our notes so told us to ring back on Monday!   ^snarl^ Grrr, I feel like everything is stacked against us doing this ICSI thing.. I just want to be sure that we make a decision for the right reasons and not out of impatience.

Looking forward to hearing how everyone's tx is going,
Off to a bonfire now! love Caroline xxx
 

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Caroline - Thank you for your lovely comments about Jack and Ben  :) 

We are also a couple like your dp's mum talks about.  We didn't go for ICSI either, and went straight to DIUI once we found out dh had azoospermia. 

Reasons really were firstly that we couldn't afford to pay for even a single ICSI cycle privately and just couldn't face the waiting list to try for an NHS cycle.  We could however just about manage a couple of cycles of IUI as we'd just moved house and incorporated the debt into the mortgage.  Don't know what we'd have done if we hadn't of been so lucky, so quickly, with DIUI - it doesn't bear thinking about actually as I'm positive we'd have never ended up being blessed with children. 

Dh was completely comfortable with using a donor from the start and says he wasn't bothered by his azoospermia either, and these emotions definitely helped things along in the decision making process.  I probably had to do the most thinking, so we did take some time out between diagnosis and treatment - about a year I suppose - and got married during that period (married in the July and first IUI cycle in the December). 

Then it was straight into DIUI, which was the best thing we ever did  :)  Of course we are all different, and have to do things our own way, but I definitely don't think it's 'defeatist' to not try ICSI and to go straight to using a donor. 

Loads of luck to all of you in your decision making and cycles.  I hope you all get your dreams  ^fairydust^

Love

Jayne x
 

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Jayne - thank you so much for your reply, I find it so helpful to hear about other couples who have gone straight for DIUI, and to hear about happy outcomes too.  :)

When I said I was the one scared, I didn't mean I have fears about bonding with the baby, I mean it's the unknown quantity.  To be totally honest, if I could just know whether the donor was 'normal' looking and had a decent character I'd be ok about it. By the very fact they are donors I'm sure most are decent people.. I guess it is a 'looks issue' -  I realise this makes me sound shallow but when you fall in love and want to have a child together you want to see your partner in your child, and suddenly I feel thrown into a 'gene lottery'.  I am trying to overcome these fears as I realise they're a bit irrational, it's this in limbo 'what to do?' phase that is hard and none of us do get a crystal ball, unfortunately!

Your DH sounds so like my DP, Jayne - I think they have shown amazing strength of character.  I know if the IF had been my 'fault' I would have been saying things like, 'Why don't you leave me and find someone fertile?' and I definitely would have felt his family would be thinking that, especially as I already have a child.  I'm sure it makes things easier when your partner is able to talk calmly about the options and isn't just beating himself up over Nature's cruel blow!

lots of love to everyone  ^fairydust^
Caroline xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Caroline - I did'nt even know we could do half ICSI/Half donor sperm IVF until they mentioned it.  Its almost like having the donor sperm there as back-up, as there is no fertility problems with me or my eggs (I got pregnant my first DIUI) its all DH. 
It might be worthwhile talking to your clinic about the possibility of it - its costing me £160 for 2 vials of the donor sperm on top of the ICSI charge - so all in all, not that much difference in price. 
I'm with you on being worried about what your child will look like - when you have a child 'normally' or with DH's sperm, you at least know about your partner physics, and can get some idea, or dream of what your child will look like.  With anon donor, thats almost taken away, as you know what your family looks like - but not his. 
Howeve,r remember that any child born through donor will take some of his/her characteristics from your hubby. 
My Nan had an affair with an american soilder during WW2.  My grandad was also away fighting, and when he came back, she had a newborn daughter.  He took her on as his own, and they later went on to have my mum.    My grandad loves both of them equally, even though it must have hurt him deeply, what my nan did to him. 
Anyway, the other month, I was watching my aunt talking, she pulled a face, and I thought 'She looks just like grandad' before it hit me she couldnt.  But, for what its worth, she looks more like him than my mum!  ;D  I take heart fromt he fact that my grandad loves both his daughters so much, and that they have both taken their characteristics from him. 
Hope that helps you.
Jayne - thanks for your story - I have followed some of your posts before, you have two beautiful little boys there!  ;)
Marie xx
 

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Hi there
It is so good to read this thread.
These are the dilemmas that we are just starting to wrestle with. I do feel a huge sense of responsibilty with these decisions as the implications are so long term.
I love my DH so much and didn't want a child until I met him. Since then I have wanted  a child with his big green eyes, so coming to terms with this is taking time. ^eyes^
The two people i know of, both divorced a few years after successful use of donor sperm, so that scares me too as well as the genetic lottery factor.  :(
But then icsi has a slightly increased risk of genetic defects anyway, Oh god this is all so difficult!!!
  ??? ???

Marie -Thanks for the info re half icsi/ivf i was not aware that that was a possiblility. And what a lovely man your grandad sounds and that is a great story about your aunt likeness to him.
Jayne -it must be great to know you made the right decision.  ;D Sometimes I can't imagine how it will feel to not be in this limboland. Am i right in thinking you were able to use the same donor for both boys? I would feel happier using DI if I knew that was possible, so that any children were full brother/sister. How was that arranged? Was it very difficult?
Olivia- Thanks for the link to dcnet i'll have a look.
Caroline- i think we will be a bit behind you on our journey our first consulation is at Bourn on 13/12.
Thanks everyone- good luck with achieving your dream.
^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^
Love selina
 

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Good luck Gwendolyn for your next attempt.

My DH has azoospermia and therefore we have had 2 goes at DI which were both neg, doc things i was not ovulating as progesterone levels very low, so have spent last 2 months on metformin and this month started clomid and just now waiting for my LH surge and hoping for DIUI on monday 15th so fingers crossed!!
 

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Hi Everyone,

Thanks for sharing the story about your grandad, Marie - he sounds like a wonderful man.  :) I was relieved to hear you shared my concerns; I'm sure just about everyone has some concerns and fears when considering DI and it's nice being able to share them. ^gossip^

Good luck for Monday, Alex - hope that these new factors will make all the difference this time!  ^goodluck^

Hi to everyone else,
love Caroline x

 

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Marielou said:
Jayne - thanks for your story - I have followed some of your posts before, you have two beautiful little boys there! ;)
Marie xx
Marie - You're welcome and thank you :) :) Loads of luck with your cycle ^reiki^

Selina - To answer your question re using the same donor ......... When Jack was conceived the clinic mentioned to us that we could buy vials of the same donor's sperm and pay for that to be stored at the clinic for future use to ttc a sibling. We did look into it, but it was too expensive for us to do. So, we just took our chances really. When we went back to ask about ttc a sibling we were fortunate in that the same donor was still available and I think there were still samples sotred at the clinic as we only had to wait a month before being able to start treatment. So for us it was easy, but I imagine it could've been very different. Our donor had reached the max of 10 children and was therefore only available for sibling use anyway.

I'm not sure how all this will change now, with the change in the law, but it would probably be worth talking to your clinic about this. No doubt each has it's own policy on this type of thing.

Love and babydust to you all on this thread

Jayne x ^fairydust^
 
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