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It was! Had a busy weekend to distract me and I think I’ve got used to disappointment now! 2 weeks and we fly to the South of France! I’m guessing we will be able to try again in October. xx
 

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How's everyone doing?

Wilberdoo have you made any decisions regarding the donor? Hope your settling back into UK life.
Molly hope u had a lovely holiday. Are u cycling again?
Louise any baby news?
Hi 2 anyone I've missed
Love kj xx
 

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Hi ladies
No decisions here! I’ve been looking at clinics and I want to do a cycle early next year. There are a couple of clinics near me which I want to look into as well as trying to figure out how to fund it! I need to chat to DH about a plan and how far we are willing to go. I think we’ll just try a cycle and see. We have also discussed me going back to Aus on my own to do a cycle next year as the cost will prob be about the same with flights and could use the same donor.
At this stage I just want to get on with it, my periods and body are completely recovered. The only thing (of course there’s something else!), is that I need to have my gallbladder out 🙄
So I guess I should wait to do that first, seeing a consultant in a few weeks. So I’m thinking it might be March next year … I’ll be 42. But hey ho, worth a try. I won’t use donor eggs so if mine are crappy, I’ll just have to draw a line under it and find a way to move on. How are you guys? Xxx
 

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Hi all,

So yes I am finally cycling again after delaying last month. I am completely shaken by the Liverpool womens hospital news though! My transfer is tomorrow - I ovulated 2 days later than usual and if I hadn’t I’d have been due to transfer yesterday. It’s so close to home and to think of the damage that could have been done if they got in is so frightening! So last night I was quite stressed out which wasn’t ideal. I blame the progesterone but I can’t stop crying 🙈

I am hoping all will still go ahead tomorrow - I haven’t heard that it won’t.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. xx
 

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Much love and luck molly ❤❤❤❤
 

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Hey molly and wilberdoo.

Wilberdoo thats great u have a plan for next year, so exciting.
Jan is a very good time to get going too. New beginnings! Sorry to hear about your gallbladder though.

Molly im guessing your in 2ww???hope u have some good news ????
 

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I don’t. Yet another BFN. I’ve always been really good at coping with all the disappointment but this time I’m struggling! I feel a physical and emotional mess and I just don’t know what to do to make myself feel better. I’m so exhausted from it all and feel like I just won’t ever get the child I’ve longed for for so long! I can’t work and feel really bad that I’m off sick and what my work colleagues must think!
 

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Oh molly I'm so so sorry !
Firstly its doesnt matter what your work colleagues think. Its not your problem. And they probably dont think anything .
I'm so sorry that your experining yet another blow.
U must be so utterly fed up and dissapointed.
Multiple failed cycles is the worst thing ever to go through, it really is. IVF is a cruel game of numbers and perseverance. So many people just wouldn't survive what we go through.
Do you have frosties? I really want u to get your baby. There must be a way...xx
 

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It’s so difficult because there is just no explanation at all! And then to go from repeated implantation failure, to recurrent miscarriage back to implantation failure feels like I’m back at square 1 and is just heartbreaking! No Frosties left now unfortunately - I was worried about the quality of these ones I will admit but they survived the thaw so I guess still stood a chance! We used access fertility which gives you 2 cycles so I do have one in the bank and don’t think I’d forgive myself if I didn’t use that! I’d always think what if. I have my follow up on 8th so will be interesting to see what he says. I know he is completely baffled as to why it isn’t working. The only thing I will definitely change next time is the sperm! I don’t know about donor embryos because the quality of my blasts has always been good but maybe they are abnormal.

I wish I could focus and look forward to Christmas but I find it harder and harder each year I don’t have my baby! My best friend had her baby the day I found out my cycle had failed which just made things more difficult. I can’t bring myself to go and visit him at the moment. Is that wrong? xx
 

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molly i'm going to bullet point this as don't want to ramble too much as your probably not feeling up to reading it!
I hesitate to offer advice as its rarely helpful and u can take this with a pinch of salt , however from 1 ivf veteran to another I would:

Sack off your friend and her new baby. For as long as u want. Say your not in a good place. Your going through a difficult time. She will be fine. She's got the dream and if she feels offended then its tough sh!t I'm afraid.

Do do do change donor. I'm not sure if I remember u saying but have u always used the same 1? Was he proven? Change straight away regardless. He might have passed the donor tests but remember no man is fertile until they have proven fertility. No matter how great their sperm looks under the microscope.

Consider a donor with the same blood group as u if possible. I only ever managed pregnancy with donors (male and female) with blood group O like me. All the other fell flat on their face.

Turn Christmas into a very selfish affair with you and hubby

If u can do keep going. I've said it once and I'll say it again. ivf is a cruel game of numbers and perseverance. U CAN do this.we r all cheering u on xx
 

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Oh thank you. I felt some sort of comfort in your message. I have changed donor but not in the last 2 cycles. I got really hung up on the last donor matching my husband so perfectly and I couldn’t shift it! That’s the sperm that got me pregnant the first time (and the 2 times after that) so I persevered when maybe I shouldn’t have! I agree it’s a must for the next cycle. I had 2 different donors in my first 3 cycles and every transfer failed so that’s why I wasn’t convinced about changing from a donor that got me pregnant. But I guess things have changed now! I don’t actually know if he’s proven. Now I’m paying I guess I need to look further afield. It’s hard though isn’t it! It just felt easiest to leave it as this ‘perfect match donor’ that happened to be at my clinic! Interestingly he was the first donor that I’d not matched my blood type to (which is B+). I’m also CMV negative which again limits my options. xx
 
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