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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hi all

who else is in the same boat as me? approved and waiting for our babies?

we were approved in April and although we have identified children in CWW/BMP we haven't heard anything about our enquiries as with one thing and another our SW has been off :-\

so we're waiting impatiently knowing yet another copy of the mags are due to drop through our door and we still haven't got anywhere....

how do you all cope with the waiting and the not knowing? - i dont' even feel we can book a holiday at the mo :-[

approved and waiting is a funny place to be - the excitement of being approved has gone - i see others being matched which is fantastic for them and their littlies :) but a little sad it's not me :'( - the future is so uncertain at this point work, money, homelife etc - and the waiting i fear may drive me doo-lalli ^idiot^

so do any of you in the same boat want to come here and we can support each other through the wait? :)

ritzi

approved and waiting ^fairydust^
newgirl
emsina
EML
hewson
daisyboo
charnich
dame edna ^hugme^ recovering from heart-ache
nefe ^hugme^ recovering from heart-ache
Bluebells
Shazjohn
Camly
popsi
Nickyb71
GeorgieB
Nic68
tarango
Ermey
Tracymurph

found their babies ^reiki^ & ^pray^
Littlemissjo - potential match to little poppet
Jojosa3 - linked to a little girl
Crazybabe - linked to a baby girl

no longer waiting ^congrats^
mumof2 - now a happy family with ds2
coxy - now a happy family with poppet
cheshire cheese - now a happy family with babybel
tibbelt - now a happy family with 2 girls
wynnster - now a happy family with ds
ritzi - now a happy family with 2 boys
crusoe - mummy to a little boy
carebear1 - mummy to LR
DeeJay - mummy to monkeypie
HFI - mummy to a baby girl​
 

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HI ritzi

Not in the same boat but have been there....the way i decided to cope with the waiting was to NOT think about the possibilities! Do the ostrich thing!  I carried on with work and life as normal planning as if nothing was likely to happen - it worked for me. With holidays i always booked them because they can always be cancelled - and if they're cancelled because you've been matched you won't care about the money! and if you're not matched you'll have  a much needed break!

It's difficult i know - and i have to admit at times it was really hard ...but we're all allowed a good cry, rant, time of frustration along the way - and a decent bottle of red always helped!

Hope you can hang in there ritzi and stay positive
HHH ^rainbow^
 

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Hi Ritz,

yep, same boat as you, approved in March and still waiting..... ::)

I agree, its nice to hear about other people being matched but it does make you think "when will it be our turn?", we came very close to being matched and then for medical reasons it fell through and it was maddening to know we were so close, so like you, its back to searching the profiles on CWW and BMP and then waiting for the magazine, and then you scan it and hope that the right childs in there and then when theres no suitable children you know you have to wait another month......

We probably havent helped ourselves cos we secretly want a little girl  :) and our sw keeps sending us details of little boys :(

DH kept saying he didnt want to book a holiday incase "something" happens but i have insisted and now we have booked to go Italy for a week on 19th July, i just didnt want to not go away and then nothing happens with adoption and by then its too late to go away. I feel like its ok for my sw to go away and nothing happens when shes away, no one covers her work so she will have to wait for us for a week while we go away.

I nearly realised how hard this part of the process would be, our VA didnt really prepare us for what happens next and the wait.........

Julia x
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
HHH - thanks for the wise words hun  ::) maybe we will book that holiday after all  ;D

coxy -  ^hugme^ after your match that couldn't be  :'(
i phoned my sw today and 2 of the sibling groups she phoned about have been taken  - great for the littlies  ^banana^ but a shut door for us. May was the first month we could enquire so it's our first experience of the sadness when doors are shut. The other sibling group SW was on leave and she'll call back tomorrow - so i guess there is hope......otherwise we wait for June CWW/BMP and see what happens  ::) 
as yet our SW has not found any children's details for us but we're with VA so she has to contact all her LA colleagues and see who they are trying to place - i think it makes it more frustrating  :-\

oh i see your with VA too. where is your SW sending you children's details from?  ^idiot^

anyone else who's waiting waiting waiting?.......

ritz (who feels much better knowing that she's not all alone in this)  ^Cuddle^
 

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Hi Ritz

I think thats the problem with being with a VA.

Most of the children we find on the internet sites of BMP or CWW, its very rare that she actually rings us about a child, the agency does have a referall book that we are meant to go and look at once a month but tbh its sooo out of date, there are kids in there going back to last year and when you enquire you find out that they have already been placed, but i feel that if the sw was doing her job right she should be looking through this book on our behalf and letting us know. I feel our sw was very good pre-approval but now her interests have waned slightly.

I find myself having to literally stop myself from texting or emailling the sw to see if any updates as she gets quite narked if i keep asking her.

I would have thought there were quite a few sibling groups available? ive just had a thought so will pm you.

Julia x

 

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Hi Girls

Although recently 'linked' we are not quite there yet and very very early days so still technically waiting....  ^pray^

It is a very very hard place to be and this is for me by far the worst part of the process.

I've been up and down with feeling frustrated and sad and then trying to be patient.

We scanned BMP and CWW monthly but did not make one enquiry from that as there was nothing suitable, I have kept in contact with our sw regularly though and i think that helps. 

One thing that I would recommend you doing if possible is to contact any local authorities direct, I emailed 50 seperate authorities and had approximately 30 responses saying we are welcome to forward our profile for their records, this we did and as a result were contacted about our recent link  ^pray^
I have a link if you're interested in the list of email addresses?

Best of luck to us all - Hope all our babies are home soon  ^hugme^
 

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Hi Wynnstar,

thanks for the response and yes, the link would be good if you can pm it to me, did you send a profile you had put together or did you get yours from your sw? did your sw know what you were doing and i assume she didnt mind?

This bit is by far the hardest part of the process.

Julia x
 

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thanks thats great, we are already on the adoption register, i just have to pluck up the courage now to ask our sw for an email version of our profile.

Thanks again, it feels good to be able to do something ourselves without having to wait for the sw to do it!

Julia x
 

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I've always said that the waiting is the hardest bit about adoption and you all think its the getting approved bit that is the hard bit..................well the getting approved bit is hard but nothing to compared what you are feeling about the "possibilities" that lie ahead.

My advice is to keep yourselves busy, plan things a week at a time, a meal out with your loved one as it may be the only chance of just the 2 of you, meet up with friends, tidy out those cupboards you've been putting of, catch up on the ironing BUT moist importantly RELAX, it will happen, I know it can take time for some and it happens quicker for others, that's life unfortunately.

YES your pleased that others have been matched quickly & you can't help but feel a twang of jealousy. YOUR only human  ;)

We were very lucky and matched after a couple of months with our DS BUT we waited nearly 13 months for the baby we looked after through concurrency & that ended in tears as she was returned to her BPS. :'( All I can say is that you know that no matter how long you wait once you have your family with you all the heartache of previously getting to this point of being a family will disappear & you won't look back.

sending hugs to those who need them  ^hugme^ & a little  ^pray^ prayer &  ^reiki^ positive thoughts for your dreams to come true a bit quicker!!

Love
Andrea
xx
 

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I agree with all that Andrea has said, it is definitely the hardest part. Realistically though if you had been matched after only a couple of months that would be really quick. We waited 6 months for Sunshine it seemed like a life time but I now realise we were extremely lucky and it was very quick. My advice would be Plan those holidays that's what we did and it was the best thing we could have done.

Keep your chin up JD x
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
thanks for all your kind words

after i posted i went on some of the websites and some new children are advertsied who may be suitable - so my SW tomorrow should be looking at a list of possibilities i have sent her and making some calls  ^reiki^ (advice on how you get your SW to do things in your timescale would be great  ;D though dh has suggested a rocket placed in a very delicate part of her anatomy)

coxy - that is a bit silly the book is not updated  ^idiot^ the VA is frustrating at this point - up till now it's been great though  ;D

wynn - thanks for the idea and the list - though i think i'm not allowed to send our own flyer or contact agencies direct...our SW is making a flyer to send out to all the agencies in our consortium (we're in wales) and so again we have to wait till she has done that  :-\
great news on the link - more waiting though i guess  ;) hoping and  ^pray^ it works out for you...

andrea and jd - thanks for the wise words - spoken to dh and we're going to plan a holiday....need to keep my brain busy if nothing else  ;D

ritz  :)
 

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Hi Ritzi

Its lovely to hear from you, I have been looking out for you but TBH our internet has been playing up lately so i haven't been able to get on here as much - I hope you have some very good news soon of a match, you have had enough of delays with one thing or another haven't you hun, we still haven't heard from SW at (St. D) V.A we completed prep course 09th of may, sent completed formal application form and consent forms etc, the three people we said for references have all completed and returned reference forms, we are waiting on GP for a date for our medicals (£74 each)  WOW,  but haven't heard if we have been allocated a SW yet, I know its only been a few weeks, but it seems a lot longer  :'( how long did you wait to be allocated a SW,sorry for the moan, we have thought seriously about adopting a sibling group of 2 children 0-5 instead of one as we originally told SW, I should imagine we will have to  talk this through with SW when we get allocated as we would really like a girl deep down in our hearts and SW informed us that they don't often get girls go for adoption except siblings and at least the children wouldnt be split up.

Good luck

I am here whenever you need a chat - we will support each other  ^pray^ ^pray^

crazybabe
 

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Hi Ritzi,

I felt just like you when we were approved in fact i was expecting the phone to ring the afternoon after panel, after 3 months had passed I became very frustrated and we even asked our s/w to look at international adoption for us, this did not go down well and we were told it would take even longer and a lot of money! We were then told about 3 little girls all seperate and we got really excited but then never heard anything since and they were matched elsewhere.

6 months later my dh father died he had been ill for a while, the LA wanted to put us on hold for a least 6 months to allow my dh to grieve but we managed to talk them round thank god! it would have made things a lot worse.

We were eventually matched 10 months after approval and worth the wait.  I can only echo what others have said and try and get on with your life while waiting the busier you are it will pass quicker and stop you dwelling about what is not happening.  I used to read other peoples posts about been matched but this inspired me as I realised if it can happen to them it will happen to me.

Good luck and take care of yourself :)

Dawny

xx
 

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just want to add another 'been there, seen it, done it, bought the t-shirt.' voice to this.

Like Jilldill, we were 6months from approval to matching and my goodness, it seemed at time like it would never end.  So much so that i didn't book my adoption leave til the day before because when we were finally matched it seemed almost surreal after reading sooo many profiles and reading so many adverts and everything!

Here are my 'tips' for what it is worth:

Have a holiday - a really nice one which you couldn't do in a million years with kids present.  We went touring in Spain - just driving around and getting hotels when we arrived and seeing what we could see. Otherwise spa breaks, city breaks and luxury hotels are good as you can't do those so easily with children in tow.

Catch up on DIY  - especially in the proposed kid(s) room(s).  We thought we were ready but it wasn't til we actually cleared the wardrobe we discovered how much we needed to re-home elsewhere in the house and how much time it takes to touch up paintwork, put up radiator guards and child-proof bits.

Try and do a big spring clean - as the others have said - you might not get another chance for a while!

Make time for friends.  Adopting is as hard on friendships as TTCing and having birth children.  not everyone will want to see you for a while (especially friends still going through treatment who might have problems about you 'moving on') and you may not be able to see people for a while whilst you do attachment bonding in the early months.  Book nice weekends with friends; hold dinner parties; go to BBQs etc. if i could do it again i would have spent more time with my friends in the 6months prior to placement.

Start writing lists at work and getting you r boss 'ready' for when you leave. so if you 'get the phonecall' you are halfway there to being able to hand it over to someone else.  if feasible, try and train someone else in your team to know how to do your jobs or at least bits of it.

Have 'date nights' every week with your partner and really stick to it.  It is a good routine to have in place before you become a family of 3 or more to make time as a couple. Ok...so we have only had 4 or so 'dates' out in the last 18months but we still watch a movie together once a week as a 'date'.

Start buying Christmas presents/birthday gifts.  trust me. once you are matched you will not have time to 'lovingly chose gifts for your nearest and dearest'  - at best you end up grabbing things at the last minute from ASDA with a screaming toddler in tow and/or older child wanting things for themselves! leisurely shopping rarely happens with kids!

We were 'lucky' in that we got regular calls about children needing families...many weren't right for us and we weren't right for others but we got there in the end.  We were with a VA but were lucky/blessed that our sw just passed on any profiels they received if it fell in our 'guidelines'.  If it helps at all - we both secretly wanted a wee boy but now we have a daughter we couldn't imagine having a boy now as she is prefect for us (although it was a HUGE brain shift to get it into our heads - almost as big as greiving for our imaginary birth child - who was obvioulsy a boy because imaginary children are whatever you want).

Anyway - please don't wish your life away. Enjoy this time but be prepared to wait and wait and feel nothing is ever going to happen.  I think we all came on here at some point feeling like that - so it is completely natural.  but when the link comes you will find time slipping away so quickly you will easily forget the months of waiting that came first.

Wishing you all a short wait and a dream come true at the end. :)

Magenta xx
 

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Hi Ritzi and Coxy.
We are also feeling the frustration of waiting its seems like we have been waiting for ages even though we havent. We have emailed a couple of sw who have had children in cww and i would say if you see anyone dont hesitate to contact them yourself. I feel quite frustrated at how laid back our sw is but think thats just there way. He has lots of holidays and my husband says he will have me done for stalking him but feel i have to keep on to him. How often do you girls contact or get contact from your sw ? Never thought the wait would be as hard as it is. Keep your chins up and keep me posted on any news . Ritzi i agree it helps to know others are feeling the same.
Sarah
 

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Hi Ladies

In Feb this yr OT started a thread about the "wait" - here is the link - it will confirm your not alone! http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=129491.0

The wait is hard as its the "unknown" - Our LA dont tell you about a little one/s until all have agreed its the best match for the child/ren and then you find out- we got told 25weeks to the day post panel day and we started intos 6wk and 2 days later! our children have been home for 5weeks now and i never ever thought this day would come (not just with adoption however dur to ttc for over 8yrs before moving to adoption)

We spoke to our SW monthly and it was down to me to ring her however i knew i could ring/text or email anytime!

IT WILL HAPPEN- i know it sound shard however enjoy your sleep, relax and have a holiday if you can as my only regreat is that DH and i Didnt get a few days together as a couple to have a break away once we found out we were matched as time flys past you!

xxx
 

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I'm in the waiting boat too  :(. I was quite down about it last week, but am feeling more resigned this week. I have given myself a talking to, that it will happen, not like IVF which was sooooo uncertain. I'm sure once the ball starts rolling everyone wishes they'd done this or that. I was wondering too about booking a holiday? What if the call came?
MJ- thanks for your reassurance last week- it helped!
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
thank you girls for all the advice  - i have spent the evening looking at french campsites and wondering whether to fly or drive  ;D

CB - it wont' be long and you'll be where we are getting impatient  ;D i have PM'd you

dawny - i like your 'if it can happen to them it can happen to me' - will give that one a go  ;)

magenta - maybe i should forget france and look at a very luxurious hotel somewhere  ;D thanks for the tips

MJ - thanks for the link - i'll give it a read....i know i'm not alone and the FF girls always come up tops  ^hugme^

wigantwo - i think i stalk my SW - about every 2 weeks - but she was off for half-term and sick the week before that so its been a few weeks - and i'm disappointed that enquiries we wanted to be made 3-4 weeks ago won't be done till tomorrow..... ^bigbad^  do you feel like a stalker too?

carebear - how long have you been approved and waiting? it's frustrating isn't it...... ^hugme^  i'm not sure what happens if a call came while on holiday - i guess i'd tell my SW the dates i'm away and they'd have to follow it up the following week. (i'd only go away for 1 week though just in case  ^idiot^ )

so approved and waiting we have:

ritzi
coxy
wigantwo
carebear1
wynnster (with a link  ^reiki^ and  ^pray^ )

anyone else? Lets keep sane together  ^Cuddle^

ritz.
 

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We are finding the holiday situation a tricky one to. My dh boss has allowed him to carry hols over knowing the situation. We would love to go away but also know if we get matched we want as much time off together as possible and paternity pay is rubbish . Also never know how long intros would be as dont know age of little ones till matched. Does anyone know how they do intros if it is a sibling group who are in seperate foster homes have seen a couple of groups like this and just wondered how they would handle it.
Sarah
 
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