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Hi ladies - you're all so amazing! sassy - I know where you're coming from. Been there and it does upset me I have to say, I know I need to grow a thicker skin! I just feel why do people feel they need to comment at all - I believe in live and let live, and am not judgemental about anyone else's life, so I feel please let me get on with mine however I choose to live it, I'm not hurting anyone. I do think people are bringing their own issues into place sometimes, though I suppose some people don't know. If I am unsure about who is a parent or not, I usually refer to the 'little one' rather than saying your child/grandchild.
I am fortunate in that my family are all supportive as are my friends and work colleagues. I do feel out of it sometimes as all my friends/work colleagues all generally have older children, some already at uni. However, one colleague with two older children also has a surprise 5 year old, and another, has a 19 month old and I see her at toddler group, she's is an older mum but younger than me. I go out to groups as well and make myself chat to the others. There are younger mums, but I tend to chat to the older mums or the grannies taking grandkids to groups. I feel more comfortable now, as everyone there knows I am mum and haven't made an issue of it. I have made a friend there who is obviously younger than me, but is mid 40s, so it is better. As I breast feed my baby, it's pretty clear.
However, to reassure you all that it's happened to me, here are a few bloomers (by outsiders!) I went for a meal at a fish restaurant with my elderly mother and the manageress (a miserable so and so by the way to everyone) came over and said 'Who's baby is she?' I looked at her and said' Mine'. She shut up. I felt like saying I found her outside and thought I'd take her.... I went to Pot Doodles to get hand/foot prints done with James and Lydia, and got chatting to the owner, who had also had IVF at the same clinic as me coincidentally and she had been saying she would have liked another but was unlikely to be able to, she'd used OE. She admired the baby. I then went to collect them, Lydia's wasn't back so she said she'd contact me when ready. I later got an email stating 'Your mother came to collect the imprint but wasn't ready .... ' So I'm now my own mother - don't know quite what to make of this.
I've also had the hairdresser obsessing about my age (needless to say, she hasn't been given this information) and commenting that the trouble with having children later in life is you don't have a ready made childcare provider (as in grandparents). She said this to my sister who responded that as the hairdresser's son is in Australia with girlfriend, he is  unlikely to have a babysitter if he becomes a father! Mind you, she's plain nosy. She asked if both children have the same father (they do, via double donation but again, she isn't going to find out!)
After my first baby was born, I took my mother to the hospital for a gynaecological scan so obviously the nurse knew her age. I gave her a lift so waited for her, with James in his pushchair. The nurse came over and said to me 'We're getting lots of older mums now at the hospital and asked if I'd had problems with my pregnancy.' I was flabbergasted as I was merely waiting for mother, I was not the patient. I wished I'd had a suitable response!
I feel strongly we ought to have a support group online via FF perhaps as I think we all need a bit of peer support.
By the way, I'm also doing it without a partner, so I suppose I'm the worst kind of person according to certain aspects of the media, such as the Daily Mail.
I don't regret it, I love my children and would do anything for them, and they adore me. I'm going to grow that thick skin by the way girls!
Go for it
 

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By the way, I was 47 when I had my son, and 49 when I had my daughter. I turned 50 in March and kept it low key - I know I should have gone and celebrated big time - but I think I played it down as I had a baby daughter. I also had her christened in February so didn't want to broadcast my party!
 

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Thanks Clara. Dreaming - so glad you're so in love with your baby. Lily - hope you get that longed for BFP. I'm moving house this week so a new start, so have decided to stop brooding on ignorant peoples' comments and to just focus on my gorgeous children. I had them late not through leaving  it too late or focusing on my career at the expense of motherhood, it was just the perfect guy didn't come along in time! So I decided I didn't want to miss out. I think we can be wonderful mothers whatever our age. I do everything for my babies and am proud how I manage on my own. I take them to loads of groups - toddler group and music group for both, baby play, baby sing and sign and swimming for Lydia so she gets time without James when he's at nursery.
I'm now thinner and fitter than before I was pregnant, so it's been good for me. I had a over 40s NHS health review a few weeks ago and was given a clean bill of health - they want a score of less than 10% for your risk of cardio problems in next 10 years. I scored 1.39% so they were very happy. My BMIs has gone down from 34 to 28, so I'm on the right track - it's running around after two little ones, not always getting to eat and breast feeding!  I don't have a social life at the moment as Lydia doesn't want to be left at all, spend all my time interacting with my children so I do a good job I think.
I feel that nature wouldn't let us get pregnant if we weren't mean to, although I know obviously we've used fertility treatment.
And think ladies, because we've left it later than other mums, we've more than paid our fair share of taxes!
 

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I agree Lily. I believe that using donor eggs reduces the risk of miscarriage as many miscarriages may be down to chromosomal abnormalities in the embryos, which are more likely to occur in older women. It can happen in a few cases, but I am very sceptical of any celebrity claiming to have used OE and getting pregnant in their late 40s and at age 50. There's no proof but I think it very unlikely, but obviously don't want to be open in the media. I feel it does women a disservice as it gives them the false hope that it can happen more than it does. It's important to be realistic if you want to have a baby in your 40s.
I would not swap my DE babies whatever - they are who they are meant to be and I love them. They are mine.
By the way, on a negative note, nursery informed me today that they think James might be getting chicken pox as there's been an outbreak and he has a few spots! That will probably mean baby Lydia will get it as well! Oh the joys of motherhood!
 

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Hi dreaming - the progesterone for IVF pregnancies is usually prescribed up to about week 13 when the placenta starts to take over production of this hormone. In naturally occurring pregnancies, I think progesterone is produced naturally. Once the placenta takes over, the supplement is not needed.
 

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Ivyf - so glad you got your little one and sounds like she had a great day on the beach! I plan to take my little ones down to beach. James was off nursery today as he has suspected chicken pox - but not sure at the moment if it is, they've a few cases at nursery and he has a few spots but not characteristic of it. Weather's been great here.
I think a group for us older mums would be great - I chat to mums of all ages, but is good to speak to other mums of similar age and have things in common.
 

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Thanks for your lovely words elbbo.
Madalay - how amazing to have children in different life stages - you must bring such experience to it now.
I don't tell other mums how old I am either-  don't consider it any of their business. My friends and work colleagues know my age, and I haven't had any negativity from them. When I was pregnant, the community midwife informed me she was an older mum herself, but I guess not as old as me. She was lovely and very positive and said I would be an inspiration to her younger expectant mums, who tended to moan about symptoms of pregnancy etc, but she felt I was very relaxed and not moaning about it. I had great pregnancies thankfully and I was also so happy to actually be pregnant. I do worry sometimes and try not to add up the maths either, but life is as it is. I try to be fit for my little ones and to eat healthily. I plan to make sure they don't lack anything because of having an older mother.
Congrats lily  and betty.
I like the idea of a support group too.
I joined DCN and am in touch with some other single mums in the north. We are hopefully having a get together soon. I also know some older mums or would be mums - one from FF who posts on here and I so hope gets her wish soon, and one I used to work with who felt inspired by my story and is now pregnant with DE at 48.
By the way ladies - James definitely has chicken pox - the spots came out with a vengeance yesterday and today he's totally covered - got them all over. He's ok in himself. Just watching Lydia to see if she catches it.

 

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Dreaming - DCN do promote telling, but there are useful contacts and info, just need to be aware of this. I'm still undecided myself.
 

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I never risked it either! Thankfully my hair is mainly still brown, though I have some white hairs. I'm planning on having it touched up once I can leave my little one for long enough. At the moment, she's very clingy and doesn't like to be parted from me for very long at all. She likes nothing better than to be cuddled by me. She'll sit with someone as long as she can see me!
As for DCN, I wouldn't get too worked up about telling/not telling. I looked at it as I wanted to see what resources were there, to make contact with other women in the same situation .... I am trying to make up my mind but not decided yet. Thinking of maybe being open, but its a personal thing, people need to decide what's best for them. Just look into it with an open mind.
 

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Dreaming - I totally agree with you. I for one, would much rather be an older mum with children rather than an older woman without, regardless of what ignorant people think. I am now thinking much more positively, glad for the support on here and feel better that other people know what I'm going through. I've decided to revel in being a mum and I feel proud that we have all had the guts to go ahead, despite any disapproval. It's been a long, difficult journey and I'm relieved I've reached my goal. I love my children absolutely and I'm not ashamed to be an older mum. We've all paid more in taxes than young mums, some who have never worked. If anyone makes a negative comment to me, I'm going to respond in kind, but dignified. And I'm going to say proudly that they are my children and I am not granny!
By the way, anyone seen the speculation about Halle Berry and a possible third pregnancy at the age of 50. If it is so, the likelihood is that she's used DE, but I bet she won't be forthcoming about it. Has anyone noticed that celebrities who have children later in life, even female ones, seem to get admiration, but us women who are not celebrities, get the negative comments.
 

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Thanks dreaming. It is hard work but so rewarding. I'm glad you feel inspired. I agree about the media - when any male celebrities father a baby at a very advanced age - such as Mick Jagger or Ronnie Wood- even in their 70s, it's celebrated in the papers, yet older mums (who are generally a lot younger than this, are decried). There's always an article about the perils of motherhood in your 40s .... I have not regretted it. I agree it's no one else's business about how we got pregnant. I have not told anyone about the donor eggs except my sister for the reason I was giving her false hope that it was easily achieved in your 40s. .... I'm sorry you've had negativity from friends or family, it's the last thing you should expect. I'm beginning to think that its other people's issues not ours, and they're not worth worrying about. If we're happy about it, so be it. I am not planning on broadcasting to other people. I am not ashamed of using donor egg either, but why should other people speculate and have an issue about it. I don't want people thinking they're not my children as they're not genetically related. They are my lovely children and that's all that matters. They'll be brought up by me and be influenced by my parenting style. I don't know why people have a big issue about the genetic link.
 

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I totally echo your comments dreaming. I think it's amazing what gift the donors give and I hope they realise how much we cherish our little ones .... I agree about how we nurture and protect them while pregnant, breast feed if possible and then care and love them .. that's what matters, not their genetic origin. I saw a headline online to say Tina Malone is planning a sibling for her daughter who she had at 50 using donor egg. She is planning to use a surrogate due to pre eclampsia in pregnancy and she will be 54 if it works out. So its good to see older celebs in the media ...
I agree that it's becoming more common for older mums ... and that can be only good news.
I think perhaps we should start a new thread for parenting in your 40s/50s - to celebrate it and to relate the highs and lows ... we could name it something inspiring. I think we're trailblazers ... Hopefully we might inspire others in the future. we could call it 'Terrific Trailblazers - parenting when you're 40/50+ ... any ideas guys?
 

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I agree dreaming and ivy. I've also decided I'm going to stop feeling stressed and embarrassed about it. I am who I am and I'm being the best mum I can, I put my children first which is more than some parents do. I'm just going to enjoy them. Just another example of stupidity - and the worst thing is that it was a health professional. When I was pregnant with Lydia last year, my consultant prescribed me clexane injections from week 20 as a precaution due to it being an IVF pregnancy. I was fine. However, what did upset me, was the reaction of the pharmacist. I took my prescription to a local pharmacy and said I had a maternityl exemption card but didn't have it with me, but I could bring it in later. The assistant looked very embarrassed and had been sent over to query it by the pharmacist. She apologised and said that she had been told to say that as my son was now 2, the maternity exemption certificate had expired. I explained that I had a current one and was forced to explain to a room full of people that I was actually pregnant again. The pharmacist had obviously seen my date of birth and assumed that I could not possibly be pregnant. So I had to say when I was due. I was made to feel really embarrassed about it and as if I was trying to defraud the NHS. I almost said give me a pregnancy test and I'll take it. I was going to complain officially about this experience but I was too upset to take any action. When I went in to pick up my prescription I took my new card and the girl at the counter was very apologetic and said she would put a note on the computer. I felt very angry that the pharmacist had made these allegations. After all, if I had been claiming fraudulently the NHS prescription agency would have dealt with it. At the very least, she could have asked to speak to me in a private room. Anyway, feel better getting that off my chest.
I'm setting up a new thread for support and sharing experiences of motherhood in our 40s and 50s. Hope you'll all join me. ....
 

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sassy - I find that woman absolutely incredible! She misses the point - it's flattering to be taken for a grandchild's mother, not the other way around. I'm going to give myself a makeover to make me feel better about myself, once Lydia lets me leave her for longer! I think it's about time society gets onboard and stops make discriminatory comments, which other groups once had to put up with, but now thankfully people are more accepting of other types of relationship. I just don't see why it matters to other people if we're happy. I wish I lived closer and would happily meet up with you - but I'm up in Yorkshire. Maybe we ought to have a meet up some time all of us at a point that we can all access, and give each other some support?
By the way, you're all amazingly strong women and wonderful mummies! Don't ever doubt it
 

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I agree with you opossum - we don't always gel with someone just because we've all got children, regardless of age. I have thankfully found a couple of groups where I'm comfortable and there are some older mums as well as younger ones, also a few grandmas of varying ages. And as I've been going a while, they know I'm mum and I don't get questioned now!
I can see that anyone's view of grandma's ages depends on your own circumstances, but I don't think most grandmas range from 40-55, though obviously if they had children young and their children do, they will be. I know of grandmas in their 50s, 60s, 70s and even 80s.
I am just bemused that members of the public think that they have a right to comment and question whether you're mum or grandma, just what is it to them? Before I had children, and now, I never had any compulsion to say to question whether women with children were mum or grandma, I would just admire the child and talk to them. I never thought that it was my concern. I think people should think before opening their mouth. I am maybe a bit sensitive but find it hurtful. I am really trying to grow a thicker skin and don't want to let ignorant people spoil my enjoyment of motherhood.
I had a few days of varying experiences - had my usual music group Friday morning, loved it, everyone knows me and my family situation and very comfortable. Then in the afternoon, took DS, DD and my own mum to a play area where there is a café which gives work experience to people with learning disabilities and they also have a little farm for children to look at the animals. We went for a piece of cake and a tea. It was practically empty except for two older couples. Both admired DD and her attempts at walking holding hands. One woman just said how lovely she is and what beautiful blue eyes ... felt good. The other one said she was lovely and then said 'are you grandma?' I did want to say 'no I'm mum, it's just sleep deprivation' but thought why should I so I just pretended I didn't hear it. I mean the likelihood is that I'm mum and my mum is grandma, seeing we have 3 generations of a family here, and not 3 of 4 generations. It nearly reduced me to tears but managed to contain it and gave myself a strict talking to. I will not let anyone spoil it, I've waited so long - not through any fault of mine, just never met a guy who was on the same page as me! Then yesterday went to a different group with DD and a group of young mums were there, and not one of them questioned whether I was mum or grandma - could have kissed them!
Sorry for the rant ladies - just needed to get it off my chest.
 

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Thanks dreaming - I totally agree with you.
Why is it that people think they have a right to comment. They have a right to think what they want in their head, but please just keep it there. In an ideal world, I would have had my family earlier, but it didn't happen, so people just have to get over it. My children - and the children of all older mums - are cherished, probably more so than a lot of children, who are just conceived without being planned. After going through all we go through, they really are wanted and loved. Surely that matters more than how old their mum is.
Dreaming  - your son is so lucky to have you.
I shower my little ones with so much love and I do so much with them, I don't want them to miss out because I am an older mum. I have decided that I am either going to ignore ignorant people or say proudly I'm their mum. We don't have to answer to anyone or justify our choices. Anyone who matters to me, is supportive of me and my little family. I know how lucky I am to have them and I hope all other ladies on here can get the same.
 

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You are so right dreaming!
I think it's about time people who have issues with older mums start to concentrate on the fact that what's most important for a child is to be cared for and protected, rather than the age of their mum!
I am usually upbeat, but if I have a bad moment, I think of positive little moments like this evening. When I put my son to bed tonight, I hugged him and said 'I love you so much.' He smiled and hugged me and said 'I love you too mummy!' That's the first time he's said it. He's always given me hugs and kisses and if I've said 'do you love me/baby?' he says 'yes'. His speech is now progressing well so he's moving on with that. It melted my heart and brought tears to my eyes.
 

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dreaming - you'll laugh - until recently, his word for mum was 'madden'! don't know where that came from.
It makes it all worthwhile.
 

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Thanks sassy - you are so wise and I'm glad that you were so measured but accurate in your reply to the lady in the playground. Hopefully it will make her think before she speaks. I am getting there, but it does still hurt and I do worry how my little ones will feel when they're old enough to be aware. I just hope that all our children know how much they're loved and that this won't matter to them. I still wonder why people have to comment at all about the relationship - if they think we're grandma, why do they need to clarify it ... it doesn't matter to me who the person is with a child.
On a more positive note, had a tiring but wonderful day. DS was lucky enough to be invited to 3 birthday parties today - had to turn down one which clashed, so mummy had a day of chauffeuring both little ones around, as DD is clingy at the moment, and both grandma and auntie are reluctant to look after her! I didn't even get lunch. First party was at a farm with play areas and petting animals ... some mums there were from a music group we go to, so I felt very comfortable with them as they know who I am and no adverse comments ... Then we had to rush to the next party at a soft play area. None of the parents (some of whom are young) made any comments about grandma, just discussed my baby's development as there were a couple of other babies as well. A lady who had taken her 4 year old grandson to the play area but not the party, was chatting. Her grandson took a fancy to DD as he has a baby brother at home. He stood in her path, and his grandma asked him to move as she said DD is learning to walk and babies like to walk to their mummy! I could have kissed her. It just shows the impact of a different outlook and experience. So it can happen!
 

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Still a mixed bag of comments but definitely getting there on the developing a thicker skin. It's scary but it's the time for applying for a school place for DS - he was only just 3 in July, so he'll be a young one when he goes to school next year. I have been touring loads of schools since Easter, but there was a final one a few weeks ago. My mother (a retired teacher) has wanted to come round with me to look at schools, and I wanted her to be a part of it, because as obviously I'm an older mum, she's an older granny! And I want her to be able to enjoy as much of the experience as she can. The head was showing us, and another mum around. The head did not want children to go round but I obviously had to take DD as there was no one to look after her. DS was at nursery. When we got to the school hall/dining hall, the cook asked the head to sign a paper and she asked her to tell us about the meals. The cook told us then said, 'Oh, so it's grandma and great grandma as well ... ' I could have hit her! I felt very upset but managed to hide it. I was carrying Lydia so why did she think I wasn't mum. By the way, the other mum definitely did not look young enough to be my daughter so I felt very insulted. I mean why on earth did she have to make such inane comments.
However, since then, I've calmed down. I've been back to my toddler and music groups, and no one has questioned the situation. DS has been to 8 birthday parties so far, and two more to go, and not one person there has queried whether I'm grandma, so I could kiss them all!
 
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