[Dydie]

Hello Ladies, I thought maybe we could start a thread where we can share our experiences to show what benefits we have found from living child free......

I hope everyone had a good weekend, I just thought I would tell you about my weekend
and the effect it had on me....We had a big BBQ party for my dh's birthday, the weather was
rubbish most of the time but no one seemed to care, we had a marquee in the garden so being dry
with an endless supply of alcohol was enough to keep everyone happy, one of my friends was there
who has a 4 week old baby, she spent the entire evening indoors because of the baby, she could not relax
and join in, and you could see in her face that she was not having a good time, her dp kept wondering off
and leaving her and she just had snippetts of conversation with people all evening as they were passing through, of course all the women wanted cuddles with the baby and you could see that she was getting worried about the amount of passing around of her baby (who was also sufferring with colic).
Bottom line she looked tired and stressed ! some other friends and family who have older children were constantly dealing with their kids getting into little scrapes and throwing the odd tantrum, getting tired and moody and worrying what their kids are up to when they are quiet........Bottom line.......Parents are stressed people who cannot relax at social gatherings 

Lots of love to all of us Non-Stressed people (one benefit of living child free)
Dydie xxx

 

[flipper]

I like the topic, it’s easy to forget that there are advantages to LCF, even if it’s not the way you intended your life to turn out. We met 20 years ago, married 17 years ago and decided fairly early on in our relationship we’d like 4 kids which, 17 years on, is obviously not to be.  I guess that means we’d had more practice than some at the LCF game although are only just positively accepting that this is our future.

There is no doubt in my mind that having children would be life enriching however I believe that there are other life enriching experiences to be had.  Whilst we’ve waited for our miracle to happen I’ve noticed the following which I’ve turned into personal positives:

Having fun is a high priority and as a result, so are our holidays. We have a ball and it doesn’t matter if it’s a cheap or a less cheap holiday; we always try to make them interesting….and we never, ever go in August.

Going out is another.  We are able to indulge in our shared love of the theatre, contemporary dance, eating out, visiting friends and generally living it up. 

I’m only reminded of how “lucky” we are when we get home to answer phone messages from friends saying “I should have known not to call you on a Saturday, I forget you still have a social life” or “if you’re ever in long enough, give us a call”.  My all time favourite is a friend who rang up wanting to meet for “an evening with grown-ups”.

We’ve got a number of close friends and in turn their growing children are becoming friends which is quite nice (and a not too subtle reminder that perhaps we’re too old for the baby game now anyway as some are in their teens!).  We enjoy their company enormously, but when they get hard work, we restore them to their rightful owners without a flicker of regret.

I’ve experienced similar party type environments as you describe dydie and yes, I’ve been conscious of being able to flit around enjoying myself whilst parents have to pacify screaming kids, break up fights, apologise for the broken whatever and it really does look stressful!

I’ve watched female colleagues tear themselves apart trying to be all things to everyone.  Good at their jobs, good home providers, good wives, great mothers,  and then still feel obliged to fit in endless school committee meetings, sports days, cake making and all the rest of it.  I simply don’t know how they do it and stay sane.  (Needless to say my male colleagues are happy to leave it all to their working wives!)

And finally…when our friends come to stay with kids, we (almost) always thoroughly enjoy it, but we also thoroughly enjoy the peace that reigns when they’ve gone and we open a bottle of wine.

The above totally discounts all the pangs of regret and disappointment that involuntary LCF brings with it but every cloud has a silver lining. 

flipper

PS sorry for the long post, I got carried away trying to be positive!

 

[lucysmith]

Great post, Dydie. It was sooo refreshing to read. As it started off, I thought, oh no - here comes another "My weekend was awful because there were so many babies around and I ran into the bathroom and cried, then told everyone to go home because I couldn't deal with it" tale. (No offence, we all have 'em!)

There are definite advantages. A couple of weeks ago a woman down the road came to my big BBQ and she was also constantly indoors, watching baby crawl on steps etc., not having the opportunity to talk much to anyone. Can't be easy.

My friend with a three year old reminded me of the negatives of having children: no time to yourself, body wrecked, down there never quite the same again, no money, no lie-ins, constant angst you are bringing your child up the right way etc.

I am currently planning an absolutely amazing dream holiday for next Feb/March, cos I'll be 30 in May next year. Currently thinking KL, Borneo and Langkawi. The beaches look amazing. The cost and time of year we are going is something I would never be able to contemplate if I had kids.

 

[flipper]

Now KL, Borneo and Langkawi, that's my idea of life enriching! Nice one.

 

[Juel]

Mmmmmm the lovely holidays at lovely times of the year,the stress free socialising,the not having to worry about drinking/being sensible.....sounds good to me!! 

I am at a stage where i'm starting to see more & more +ve's about LCF.....we, like you flipper, go out lots & our friends joke that they have to book appointments to see us.
When we do go out our nightclub buddies have a 3 yr old who is always really hard work after a boozy night where as we can slob out  & get up when we want to....nice!!

Lots of my friends children are about to start school/nursery & i know that they are so worried about it.....i definately would be too & i'm happy that i won't have to face that stress/heartache/worry

Tonight we finished work & my last customer was telling me about a really good local pub....so we just popped in for one!! Not possible if you have kiddies!!  ....it was a quicky though 'cus of our pooch

Food shopping is a real poo time for me...i hate it but how much harder would it be with bubs/toddler in tow......i'm sure we all see the stressed out Mom's & Dad's pushing their trolleys.

My neice is now 15 going on 25 & is a really lovely,sensible girl but is starting to want to go out alot now.....OMG the worry!!!!!!  it's bad enough being Auntie but if i was her Mom i'd be a nervous wreck. My brother/SIL pick her up now but that wont last for long this will be her last year in school so she'll soon be making her one way home......i'm so pleased that i wont be the one waiting up for her,worrying myself sick!

Great thread Dydie  we all get down days,i know i do but i always try to see the positives when i'm on a downer 

luv to you all,
juels xxxxxxxx

 

[RUSTY1]

I'm new to this so just wanted to say how great it is to see a different side of the story!! I've become so bogged down in everything you forget that there was a time that life was great without thinking 'is it going to happen this month?' then being distraught when it hasn't again! Just think of all the lay-in's we can have after a big night out when our friends with kids are getting up at 6am with a stinking hangover!!! Although I shouldn't be having any hangovers as I shouldn't be drinking whilst STILL TTC after nearly 4 years............Good Luck!

 

[Dydie]

Hi Rusty1
Thanks for your post hun, you are welcome here anytime you feel bogged down with the ttc   
Good luck and we all deserve a small hangover occasionally no matter what were up to 
Love Dydie xxx

 

[Mrs Nikki]

I too have popped in and out this thread quite a few times but this post is really interesting and has made me smile broadly and warmly.  I am surrounded by friends with new borns and I'll admit that 6 months ago I was a bitter wreck about them but recently have been talking to DH about what we can do without kids and what our friends can't do, even DH has been happily gloating about the fact that we could do what we wanted and they couldn't.  We are still ttc as most of you who know me will know but I just wanted to say that this post was really nice to come into and read - I hope you don't mind me popping in ladies.
Love Nikki x

 

[Dydie]

You know you are always welcome hun 
I think having the odd reminder of what life used to be like
before we all started ttc can help us move forward and enjoy what is to come
(whatever that may hold for each of us individually)
for those of us who have made the decision to LCF or those who have been
forced into coming to terms with it, it is nice to be able to gloat occasionally about the
good things we can look forward to, and for those of you still on that rollercoaster
maybe reminding yourselves that life still goes on can help keep some much
needed positive vibes in your lives until you reach your dream 

We always welcome input from any of the other ff members no matter which
direction you are facing we are all still sat in the same boat 

Lots of Love
Dydie xxx

 

[astrid]

hi girls
Greart subject Dydie - full of good ideas to keep everyone active on this thread..
I have read all your postings girls and i couldn't agree more, that there are so many positive things about LCF.
I mentioned this topic to my hubby and he thought it was a great idea and also very encouraging for girls in this position to try and look at the positve side instead of the negatives of being childless.
My positive thought about LCF is ' an extended youth'. I never thought i could still be going out, enjoying all my friends. Having quite a busy schedule and most of all going on holiday when we choose. Not being stung over the school holidays with high prices..
I really enjoy watching 'rebellious teenagers' on telly. Strange but thats what helped me to start learning to come to terms with being child free...
One thing i do enjoy though is being able to spend my money on what i want ( i haven't got much)...
Love Astridxxx

 

[wynnster]

sorry to intrude ladies but i wanted to add that i bet Astrid wont say what else is a benefit    (she'll only tell you that one after a few vino's) 

sorry Astrid 

 

[astrid]

ha ha kim........
I am going to get you back when i see you next.....??

 

[Juel]

Astrid!!!!!! 

Here's a few beers from me to you..... ......please tell,please tell 

 

[nicky30]

Hee hee I think I know exactly what Kim means!!

What's it worth Astrid for us to keep your secrets?? 

Nicky xx

P.S. Sorry to gatecrash this thread. Its a great idea. One thing I like to do every now and again is look back at old photos pre TTC and focus on being that carefree again if we do end up LCF

 

[Barbarella]

What a wonderful thread!!!  Something that I have tried to live by... and been quite successful I think  during my 8 years of ttc. 

But maybe I shouldn't have come on here.. as have recently made the decision that adoption is for us... and now you've all confused me and I feel like changing my mind... 

You naughty people...
Cxx

 

[astrid]

hi barbarella
Longtime no hear...i hope that you are well and i have been thinking of you recently and what you have been up to...
Yeah you are right sometimes things do confuse us and we never know what direction to go in with life  . I think it will just takes its natural course and you will come out of it somewhere with the answer...Goodluck with the path you do choose...
Hey Jules i am going to throttle Kim and Nicki when i see them on Wednesday.. . ..ha ha.. Yeah like yourself and i am sure many others i have been partial to a few drinks every now and then. .The beauty of it now is we can enjoy ourselves as and when we please and do not have to worry about the next morning....its just me, thee and a few headache tablets...I think i have calmed down with the age, it now takes about a week to get over a good night instead of a morning...Ummm showing the age...
love astridxxx

 

[Barbarella]

Hi Astrid

Thanks for thinking of me.. yes, I've had a lot to think about (not sure if you saw my post about being offered donor embryos... which confused me no end as well... )...  Also broke my leg, and oooh you know what life can be like!!   

Yep, I think I change my mind every day as to what I want... and I'm sure when I get there, I will want the reverse... LOL... As I've said before, too much time to think... oh how I envy those who click their fingers and get pg... and don't have time to think..

How's things with you!?? 

Love Cxx

 

[astrid]

hi Barbarella
I hope the leg is ok? how did you break it? when it rain it pours sometimes?
I can understand where you are coming from with the 'donor eggs'..Its like another carrot being dangled in your face.What do you do? where do you go from here? I still believe what ever route you take it will come to you in its own way. Also as much as its probably sending you 'around the bend', changing your mind each day. This is also good (in a strange way) because you are actually deaing with your thoughts and emotions and trying to work out what is best for you both...
I am fine, its not as bad as i thought being childfree, there are some positive sides as you have seen on this thread..I think the only way i deal with it, is by taking one day at a time..The only difficult emotion is how do you switch off the maternal feelings. If there was that magic potion i would probably be a rich woman...
I have just had my niece for the weekend and as much as she is lovely i am quite relieved that she has gone home..its definately a 24/7 job. I think you tend to look at things objectively when they are not yours and living with you. Its a full time job, but i think when you are childless you tend to not look at the real reality of motherhood and it did open my eyes over the weekend..
Although as you say tomorrow could be a different issue and i will see things differently..
I think you have a lot of determination and all the feelings you have about the future are real whether negative or positive...just follow your heart we are all different and whatever path we choose there will always be good and bad points..Its a case of learning to make the right one and then living with it thats the hardest part.....
Hey Barbarella we can change our minds its a woman's perogative...
Love astridxx

 

[sarahstewart]

Hi my friend is now 50 and LCF with her hubby & 2 cats!  They have the most amazing life and holidays about 4 times a year.  Although at the time having a baby seemed the most important thing in the world she is happy with her life as it is.

thought I would share that with you - she tells me that and it helps!  We have only  been TTC 2 years and just been to docs to investigate.  so who knows?

Sorry I am not good with the jargon yet on the site but I am sure I will get there.

Sarah