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Billy Connolly's 14 things I hate about everybody

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1People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the f**k is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2People who are willing to get off their a**e to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". f¤¤¤ing right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f**k would you keep looking after you've found it?
5When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No ******, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f***ing floor.
6People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?
7When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
8When people say "life is short". What the f**k?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f***ing does!! What can you do that's longer?
9When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, d**khead?
10People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? Ears, Wellington boots?
11When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
12People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.
13McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering. It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f***ing McTosser.
14When you're involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.
 

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^roflmao^ ^roflmao^ ^roflmao^
I love Billy Connolly - thanks carole  :-*
 

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Fab!
 

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Carol that is fab i just love the Mcdonalds one so so true !!!
 

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Brilliant.
 

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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
 
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