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New home ^daisy^
 

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Hi All,

Ruby...I don't really know what to say hon, except please don't give up. Miracles can and do happen and you deserve this so much. I am sending you  ^fairydust^ and also  ^Cuddle^. Does the clinic monitor you at all during the 2WW? Try to rest as much as is humanly possible and try to do stuff with your DH that makes you feel better (I usually go for chocolate and Robbie Williams music, but whatever takes your fancy!)
I am praying for you hon and you are in my thoughts...

Sunfizz, well done on smoking. I am also doing well, although haven't been running as much this week and have overeaten as well. The HSA health policy is excellent and you can use your own dentist, hopsital, optition, accupuncurist, homeopath, osteopath, physio etc. You and your DH/DP can both claim and you don't have to commit for any length of time either, Feel free to IM me if you want details, if I recommend someone we both get M&S vouchers!

Talking of all this natural stuff I am going to the homeopathy and am going back for more accupuncture on Weds. Also reflexology on Friday, so just as well I am claiming 50% off these appointments back!

I had a bad day yesterday. On Friday I stayed with an old friend who miscarried earlier in the year. She has always been prone to depression and this sent her over the edge a little. Anyway, they waited 3 mths, tried again, and on Thurs on the phone she told me she was pg again! I was happy for her esp as I knew how upset she'd been. However, she is so anxious that she will miscarry again that she isn't celebrating and is very down. She is also worried that her anxiety may be effecting the baby. I ended up offering quite a lot of verbal support, both on the phone and in person on Friday. When we left, we were on our way to my parents party when Dh and I disucussed it. He said he didn't envy her at all. I said that I didn't envy her situation and could understand why she was so cautious, but that I envied her getting pg naturally so easily. She only started ttc in Jan and has already been pg twice this year. I hope this doesn't sound really bad? Anyway, I ended up very upset all day yesterday and cried loads. I think being around a few pg's and knowing I have never ever been pg really started to get to me. I honestly think, if it's not going to happen I'd just like to know so I can try to deal with it and maybe look at adoption! Does that make any sense?

Anyway, feeling a bit brighter today, mainly because of a trip to the Next sale which always helps and DH also took me to La Senza to buy some lovely undies. Even then though, there were so may pg women around and I kept thinking I'd love not to be able to fit into my clothes because I had a big belly. Am I never happy?!!

Hope everyone is OK. Thinking of you all, couldn't cope without my FF buddies!

Take care,

Love,
Philippa
xx
 

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Hi Girls,

Ruby - I'm sending you all my thoughts and prayers for the next week or so, I really hope this is your time. Please just try to relax an hold on to those little embies - embies if your listening  - hang on with all your might, because that's a fantastic mummy you've got there!! I know there are people on these boards who have got a BFP with less than top grade embies, so let's hope and pray this happens for you too.  ^Cuddle^

Sunfizz, excellent news on stopping smoking, I'm sure that will really help with all the IF stuff, I bet you're so proud of yourself!!

Phillipa, glad you're feeling a bit better, a spot of shopping always cheers a girl up doesn't it!! It's so frustrating when other people seem to get pg at the drop of a hat and some of us have never seen that second blue line. It's good news that you are finally getting somewhere with the hospital, at least you know now that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but one thing I will say is at the beginning of October I would start ringing the hospital and chasing them. if you just wait for the appointment to come through you may wait a while, I always take matters into my own hands now where possible. I know both my consultants secretaries (NHS & private) and always chase up appointments if they don't come through on time.

I had a great time in Scotland. I went to visit my family near Glasgow and got to babysit for my little niece for one evening, she is just adorable!! My little sister, who is about 20 weeks pg also started to feel kicking for the first time while I was there. I am just so happy for her that everything is going well as she did have some spotting early in her pregnancy but everything seems fine now, and the baby is due on my birthday!!

I have an appointment at the Lister on 8th August to discuss my FET, so starting to get a little nervous about starting tx again. I am both looking forward to it, but dreading it at the same time.

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all having a nice Monday morning  :-\ :-\

Nicolaxx



 

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hi girls,

thanks for your positive thoughts and messages.  i just cant' seem to muster up the energy to feel positive or do anything.  i've been avoiding everyone and everything since ET on friday and i can't even face leaving the house cos i'm scared of seeing hundreds of pg women and everybody else playing happy families!

phil - sorry you were feeling down also, i think it's perfectly understandable that this whole thing affects us all the time.  pleased you are feeling a bit better now and that you got a nice shopping trip in also!  your HSA policy sounds really good - my last one i had wouldn't let me claim for acupuncture with zita west cos they said she wasn't listed. anyway i cancelled it in the end cos it wasn't working out cost effective for me, but yours sounds like it is so that's great news.

sunfizz - great news on the smoking and hope you are ok too. how's your mum been?

nicolah - pleased you had a lovely time in scotland also and spent quality time with your family.  hope you are feeling lovely and well rested now?  know what you mean about looking forward to but dreading your appointment on the 8th aug but try not to think about it too much for now.  before my EC i was literally trying to be really good and take one day at a time and was doing quite well - it was just after they told me about my bad quality embies that it all went downhill!

i completely know that people do get pregnant with low grade embies but somehow these stories always seem to happen to other people!  in fact a friend at work told me last tuesday that her 2nd tx had just worked and how her embies were really bad!  there was another girl at work a year or so ago who also had a bad treatment and ended up with twins!  but like i say, always other people and never me!

my best friend at work is also 8 weeks pregnant with her 2nd child which i can't really deal with either!  it's all so horrible!

anyway sorry that i'm being so down - maybe it's best i just don't post for a while because i'm probably depressing everybody else too?

take care girls,
ruby x
 

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HI all,

Just a very quickkie...Ruby..we have all felt down before and we all will do again. I love this website, but this thread is my fave as I feel over the last few months we have all got to kmow each other so well... I can share thoughts and feelings with you and the others that I don't share with anyone else, even people who have known me for years!
So, like Nicolah says...we are all rooting for you. You will one day be a fab Mum, and if it happens now we will all be jumping for joy, an if it doesn't we will rally round and pick up ths pieces. Meanwhile...please don't feel you can't post if you are feeling down hon, please know we all understand and are with you every step of the way. Every night I say a little prayer for you and your DH and have even asked my DH to do the same!!
Take care and thinking of you,

Philippa
xx
 

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aaaah phil, thanks so much for that lovely message, it means so much. please carry on praying for me cos i don't believe in god so it's useful that somebody does it for me!

well i'm still sitting in the house today doing nothing. i can't muster any energy to do anything or speak to anybody (except my mum who is ringing me 100 times a day but not really saying anything)!!

it's horrid because i feel like i've pushed all my friends away and am ignoring all their calls and stuff and now there's only a few that are still bothering with me every day and texting me and checking up on me.  i know i've done it myself and don't want to speak to anybody but then at the same time feel upset that nobody wants to see me anymore either!!!!!  i'm so twisted now, i don't know what i want!

my really good friend at work has said she wants to bunk off work and come and see me tomorrow afternoon.  i can really confide in her and say anything i want and she's usually really good for me but the thing is she is now 8 weeks pg and i'm not sure i can bear that!  so i've told her i'm just not sure at the moment!

anyway just thought i'd say hello and that i'm still a moaning minny today!!

lots of love to you all and hope you are having a better day than me.

ruby x
 

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Hi Ruby,

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you, and please don't be too hard on yourself for feeling the way you do - it's completely understandable. I felt a bit like that after my failed ICSI (it was +ve at first) and felt that people didn't really want to hear all my problems. But we ARE all here to listen and help and you DO still have hope. I know it's like a defense mechanism that you don't want to get your hopes up, but right at this very moment your little embies could be clinging on like limpets - just try to focus on that. And don't worry about upseting your friends, they will understand. Now is the time you just have to think of yourself and be a bit selfish. Remember we're all here for you.

By the way, my knees are red raw from all the kneeling and praying ;)

Love Nicolaxx
 

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so completely lovely of you too nicola - you ladies are just so understanding and always say the right things.  i so wish my embies were hanging on in there - i'd give anything for a microscope that could see right inside me now!!!

i'm just too scared to start feeling positive cos of the fear it will make a negative worse - but at the end of the day i don't think anything makes a negative worse really does it?

just spoken to my cousin (the one who donated her eggs for me on my 5th treatment) who made me want to slam the phone down on her!  she phones me all concerned (and i think she genuinely is) but then prattles on and on about what she's done the whole week with her children and all her friends and their children and what a nightmare it was today because the place they went to for lunch didn't have highchairs and blah blah blah!  she is so odd - she has the biggest, generous heart sometimes but then other times just annoys me so much and i just want to scream at her!

anyway, am getting square eyes from spending my days staring at the tv and the computer screen!  and to think i never wanted a computer at home - now i dread to think what i'd be doing with myself without one!

thanks again for all your moral support you lovely lovely ladies. carry on hoping and praying that this year will be the year for us all  ^reiki^

rubyx
 

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Ruby,
It's going to be o.k. - whether you get the bfp this time or not.  While this is not a fun time, not a fun situation, and not anything like how any of us thought we would be trying to start families, all these experiences are the things that make up who we are, and make us stronger people.  Short term though, while we're in the middle of the hard parts, it's impossible to see this.

Probably a bit vague for a Tuesday evening.  What I'm trying to say is that you can't feel bad for your reaction to your friends, how you're feeling at the moment - it's all completely understandable.  It's the bigger picture that matters.  The fact that you're doing this, that you've got the courage to go through this, and to go on with this, is the thing that says the most about you - not that you have days, or even weeks where you don't want to see people.  You don't need to worry about if you're feeling positive at any given moment, or negative - it's all part of the small picture, so rant and rave on here as much as you like.  Everything will be alright.

^reiki^

x
 

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Hi all,

Just checking in to see how you all are and to agree with what everyone else has said about you, Ruby. Hope you are looking after yourself and being pampered and watching DVD's and reading celeb mags and eating chocolates etc!!!!
Hope everyone else is OK.
Planning to go to London Napro Centre tomorrow night for an info evening, watching the transport situation carefully though as a little nervous.
Got accupun****ure and homeopathy this afternoon!

Take care all,

Phil
xx
 

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Hi Girls,

How are we all this wet and miserable morning :-\

Ruby, hope you are bearing up (and will be bearing down in 9 months time  ;)) Your still in my thoughts and these knees aren't getting any better either ;D ;D

Phil hope your fact finding evening goes well tonight, you'll have to tell us all about it tomorrow. How did the acu go yesterday?? Hope you're feeling nice and relaxed today.

Sunfizz, how is everything with you?? I really understood what you said to Ruby and it really struck a cord. I think that we do worry too much about other people's feelings, when we really can't help our own. I think that there are times during all this IF stuff when we really do need to JUST take care of ourselves and be  a bit selfish. And the people that matter will hopefully undertand.

Datai, welcome to our thread and lots of luck and  ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ for your tww.

Well have to get on with some work now, this working for a living is not all it's cracked up to be - is it ;) ;)

Love Nicolaxx

 

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hiya,

still here and still going mental!  less than a week to go now and i'm sure will end up testing a day early anyway!  have no symptons whatsoever and feel totally normal - great eh!

had a nice facial today though which helped me to relax a bit. and off to a friend for dinner tonight - so have been trying to force myself out the house a bit.  also have a wedding up in derbyshire over the weekend so that will be nice i'm sure (even though i can't drink)!

datai - welcome to the hideous 2ww!  is this your first tx?  there's a thread for 2ww also that i've been posting on too.

nicola - glad to hear your knees haven't got any better - keep up the good work me cos someone has to and i'm obviously unable to!

phil - how you doing?  hope your acupuncture was good and that info evenings goes well tonight.  i know there have been a few alerts today over london but nothing major so that's good.  you take care of yourself and let us know how it's all going.

love to everybody else. i am slowly going mental............................
 

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Hi Everyone,
Been really busy at work getting into my new job and can't get away with accessing the site at work anymore!
Ruby you have been on my mind and in my prayers too, little embies stay put!!!! I hope that the wedding this weekend is fun and that people restrict themselves to talking about weddings and not babies!

Datai, welcome and please do let us know how you get on.

Nicolah, you have your hospital appointment the day before I have my next appointment so I will be thinking of you...It's weird isn't it how doing nothing feels really frustrating but it's still scary doing something! Although I know that the laporoscopy is the next stage and I have to have it before we can really think about treatment options, I'm still scared of what they might find! The disapointment each month is certainly easier as well knowing that there's no real reason why this month should be any different than the last!

Phil, how was your evening? I also noticed that your now on the waiting list for IUI which is great do you know how long the list is?

Sunfizz I hope that you're well and are feeling all fit and healthy now you're off the ciggies!

Love to you all and have a good and relaxing weekend
Viva
 

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hi girls,

how is everybody doing?  hope you all had good weekends?

we had a lovely weekend away in derbyshire for a friends wedding and it was really nice to get away and not think about my 2ww!!!  i couldn't drink which was a shame but had a good time anyway.

and now am back and have started to dread having to test on weds!  i've got no symptons and feel completely normal - i'm so sure it won't have worked and i'm scared to find out cos know we will fall into that big black pit of depression again!

anyway just thought i'd pop on and say hello in the meantime.

love to everybody,
ruby x
 

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Hi All,

Just wanted to post a quickkie to say a big  ^goodluck^ to Ruby!
Thinking of you hon, and sending you loads of  ^fairydust^

Hope everyone else is OK.

Take care and speak soon,

Phil
xx
 

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Hi all,

Just wanted to check in and see how everyone is...

xx
 

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No news from me.  Still just going on with the napro charting, the acupuncture (apparently I've still got too much on my mind!), trying to do everything with fingers crossed all the time, and trying to stay positive.  I've got into this new and amusing state of mind though that I dread talking to dBil and dSil who we know are ttc.  Especially if they call late in the evening, I'm on tenterhooks to find out if this is "the" call to tell us they've got a bfp.  Stupid, aren't I...  Oh well, I read somewhere that a pessimistic outlook is actually quite a good one as it means you're subconciously prepared for the worst all the time, so handle bad news better than the happy-go-lucky person would.  Hmmm.

Anyone else got anything going on?
 

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Hi,

Sunfizz, I can understand why you feel like that. It's always hard when you are expecting that call...every time anyone tells me they have something to tell me I try to brace myself. I usually feel quite pleased for them, cause heaven knows I'd hate anyone I know to go through what we are going through. For me, it's afterwards when I feel the pain.

I am fine, obsessing as normal though. Have had quite a busy time. Went to a local IF support group meeting last week which was very useful and positive. I have had another Day 21 Ovulation test and also an Day 3 FSH test and DH has had LH, FSH, Free Testosterone,  Total Testosterone and SHBG bloods, alol have come back normal. I have been advised to have an ultrasound scan to check my ovaries. Desperately trying to find something that can be treated I suppose.

Am also getting increasingly worried about IUI's in Brighton. The deal here is you have to have 4 unassisted cycles before you can have 2 assisted. I have been researching the success rates of unassisted and they seem to be very very low. So very worried about putting my body and mind through that. Have found a private clinic with a 25% assisted sucess rate, but it's about an hour a way and I suppose part of me feels that if the NHS is offering it for free we should go with them first, also worried about getting to scans etc without disrupting work too much. So, very confused!

And, we are thinking of putting our flat on the market and buying a house, so lots of decisions need to be made.

Hope everyone is well.

xxx
 

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Hi girls,

Have just come across your chit chat and just wanted to say how I feel the same. It seems that in the last 6 months everyone around us either pregnant or have just had baby - two announcements last week, so annoyingley both unplanned although you either use contraception and if you don't then it's planned because anything can happen. Anyway as usual put the brave face on as I am absolutely delighted for them both but am soooo envious. dh and I talked about it and he is great in making me feel positive and saying that our time will come and it will be sooo much more special to us and it will. One of my friends is already showing and I just kept thinking how much I want to be able to grow out of clothes and be pregnant and when I do I think I'll burst with happiness.

Anyway today I am feeling positive, tomorrow could be a different matter, I keep telling myself it will happen, we all have the same organs etc it's just some are a little different and require abit more work on them. It's comforting to listen to you all as I sometimes think I am going crazy or even worse getting depressed when seeing other women with children and been pregnant. It's only natural we will because it's something we all want desperately, as my dh says it's not a matter of 'if' it's a matter of 'when'.

Hope you are all well,
xxxxxx
 
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