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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi

we live in the very bottom of a culdesac and have been here 4 and 1/2 years. Next door there lives a mum and her two boys age 9 and 7 and next door to her another family with older children and a younger boy of 4. This year Amy has begun playing out the front and it was the main reason we chose this house when we bought it because we wanted our children to have the freedom of riding bikes, playing football etc.
To be honest now the boys next door are horrible  :( I am finally at my wits with them and have just shouted at them in the garden and slammed our back door  :-[ the reason behind this is because they are always leaving her out of their games. Today she has spent 2 hrs playing with the 4 year old and we haven't heard a peep, they have played so lovely as they always do. The older two were out with their mum till about an hr ago and upon their return they began playing outside too. Within 15 mins amy was sitting in our porch on her own crying because they were leaving her out AGAIN. I then sent her out and shouted so they could hear 'amy's playing too', the mum of the 4 yr old knew she was being left out and went and got amy an ice-cream which was lovely of her. so with that the horrible nasty boys went into their back garden and only invited the 4 yr old boy. We only have a 2ft fence seperating our gardens so I asked them over the top of it please can amy play and they said no  :mad: That's when I shouted 'we'll remember that' and slammed the door.

I am so upset and feel like there is something more I should be doing  :'( Big problem is the mother is very unapproachable ( I am even worried about asking her if we can replace the fence later this yr for a 6ft one!) she is the sort who will quite honestly just shout and scream and I really really don't want to make a situation out of this - we as adults get on well and I have good relationships with all the neighbours, can ask for anything etc. So approaching her is not a solution.
Last month at easter after another leaving out episode amy and I went to tesco and we bought a box of doghnuts for them all to share thinking that would be nice, well the little horrors took the doghnuts and invited the 4yr old into their garden to eat them and again said they didn't want amy there  ^bigbad^ It's not the mother stopping her it's them! They also say hello to hannah whenver they see her and always ignore amy  :-\

I am getting myself really upset about this and it's bothering me a lot. Withoit approaching the mother is there anything anyone else can think of to stop this happening.
Amy is a lovely kind little girl who just wants to play with all the others outside and these boys are making her fun a misery  :'( she has never done anything to any of them and I feel at 3/4 yrs older than her they should know better.

Sorry for my ramble, I am an upset Mummy today x x x x
 

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First off, huge hugs hun  ^hugme^

I know that this is not going to help (in the slightest) except to make you think ... perhaps it is a boy thing?  9 year old boys can be quite anti girls and Amy is a girl!  The 7 year old will follow his brother.

On the otherhand, Hannah is just a baby ... cute, easy to say hello to and not a little girl.

Perhaps you should try and speak to the mother ... but without being accusing against her boys.  Seek her advice, whilst secretly doing approaching the problem.  Tell her you are really really worried that Amy is lonely blah blah and have no idea what to do about it.

Could you speak to the Mum of the 4 year old boy?  Perhaps, ,make playtimes a little more formal with him - whereby him being dragged off by the other two isn't an option.  Invite him for tea and the like?

Lots of waffle ... hope there is something in it that can help
Love
Dee
xxx



 

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Ah Sarah, that's a shame, poor Amy  :(

I do agree with Dee though, older boys will probably not be too keen to play with a younger girl, and they're not always as naturally 'nurturing' so won't think to involve her like girls might.

If you don't think a chat with their mum will work, then I'd just concentrate on the nice little 4 year old boy and his mum and try to get some regular play going there.

sorry would say more but baby screaming for milk!]

Cx
 

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I too thinks its because she's a girl and I thought that instantly.   Very young children will play quite freely with others but I think its probably the 9 year old that is the instigator of it and his brother is just following his lead.  At his age its not particularly "cool" for boys to play with girls.   I can imagine how upsetting this must have been for you as Amy's mummy though ^hugme^

I would encourage the 4 year old for play time at your house definitely.   Its probably a bit of a game now to the older boys as kids can be cruel so I would just ignore him completely.

We went to a playgroup the other week and two older girls were playing on one of those plastic see saws toys and there was a seat in the middle free so my friend I was with asked if Hollie could join them.   At first they said no and my blood really did start to boil that they dared to say no to my little girl ;D   You just feel so protective over them don't you.   They then decided she could and all was well but Im sure we've got lots of instances like that to come.

Hope you manage to sort something out for her.

Louise xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for your replies - I think you've hit the nail on the head and now I look at it your right and it's the 9 year old and it's not cool to play with girls especially 4 yr old ones!! I couldn't see that before you all said it and now feel better that it isn't anything amy has done or they are not being conciously horrible but probably a normal stage of a 9 year old boy and his younger bro following. Thankyoux

I will take all your advice and attempt to encourage the play with other 4 yr old and failing that I thought I may ask them all if they wish to play in our garden on some afternoons I see her being left out - that way they have to play with Amy.

Just now the 7yr old has popped his head over the fence and said hi to hannah and ignored amy! I don't know. Altho the mum of the two older boys may have heard me last night when I told her boys off as 10 mins later she kicked everyone out of her garden and told them all they had to play out the front and as a game of football involving all the kids was going on it mean't amy was included - which if that is what she intended and I suspect it was, then that was very good of her.

Thanks girls feeling so much better and on a plus note they haven't played out today so Amy has had a lovely day rididng up and down with her scooter.
Love sarah x x x
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Well today was amazing and I just wanted to update you.

Noticed at 9.30am that the 4yr old hadn't gone to school and was out riding his bike so as amy was home too I popped to see his mum and find out the matter, something and nothing but mean't a day off and she was going to take him to work with her, so I offered to have him. They had a lovely day playing and it was soooo nice. Had him till 3ish.

Then the older boys came home and she immediatley came indoors and said she wouldn't be allowed to play, anyway I encouraged her to play in our garden where she could see the others in their garden including the 4yo. Then half an hr later the 4yo's mum popped round and said is amy not playing out so I said she was in our garden and she said amy was to get herself round and if I ever found her being left out at all I was to go and see her and she would tell the older two!!
She is close to the older boys mum and I have no doubt if probs arrise again she will have a word with the boys, am really pleased that they have noticed too and are making sure that amy is included - looking forward to the summer and seeing them all playing nicely.

When they were all playing in the garden I kept popping out and saying to the older boys how nice it was they were playing with her and they were really good and they could come and play in our garden anytime - lots of positive attention so hopefully that'll have helped too.

Thanks for your help x x x x
 
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