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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all

We are linked at mo with 2 little ones. Things are very slow waiting on some outstanding medical info (another story all together grrr) but one of the things we learnt today was that the 2 little ones call their FCs, "Mama" and "Dada". With youngest its not too much concern as not yet talking (though still learning this) and very young but eldest will openly call for "mama" and "dada" and thinks of them and refer to them as this.

This has caused us some concern as we were under the impression that this was discouraged with FCs and that the children should be taught to refer to them by their first names and that be told that they are not Mummy and Daddy but then when we (or whoever is their future adoptive parents) come on the scene, then they would be told that "Mummy and Daddy / Mama and Dada are coming soon / next week / today" etc etc.

With relation to attachment and bonding with us, we are a bit concerned since we think the eldest in particular will find it confusing that we are mama and dada AS WELL as their FCs. They have no recollection of BM or BF. We also think that they will then easily get confused and think that just how their current 'Mama and Dada' will leave them (the FCs), then they will think we will too. Given attachment issues with adoptive children anyway, we are a bit concerned and surprised that this calling of Mama and Dada has been allowed.....

Is this normal practice? We didnt think it was..... ???    Should we raise with SW? or is it minor and we should not make mountain out of a molehill (so to speak)and in fact nothing to be concerned about??

Confused....perhaps worrying about nothing or not??

Any advice gratefully received

xx
 

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noooooooo, very very naughty FC's ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^ and i would make sure that it is widely known what they have done to all involved if people arent already aware. very bad practice ^police^
you dont say how old the children are but i would think /hope they are young enough for it not to matter too much in the long run..but i would be very clear from the start that you 2 are mummy and daddy and that is what you are to be referred to at all times by everyone inc FC..young enough children should see that as a totally different name and therefore be able to differentiate given a bit of time and extra effort. i know same sex adopters and their LO managed to learn Mumma and mummy very fast and knew the difference..
dont stress on it too much..its not ideal but it will be ok ^hugme^
kj x
 
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As a former foster carer, its not unusual with very young children - they tend to refer to lots of different adults as Mum/Dad and derivatives.  I had a two year old who called me Mummy and I was told not too worry - I (or DH) never referred to myself as Mummy, but used my name.  I remember at a similar age my nephew would call random men and women Mum and Dad.

It does really depends on the fc attitude to it - if they are encouraging it, its a no-no, but if the little one just does it and they ignore and model the more appropriate name, that's OK.

In terms of attachment, its not really an indicator either way - if anything it shows positive attachment to the fc, which means they are more likely to make a positive attachment with you. 

Hope that helps
Bop
 

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hiya


when we met our 2, our youngest was just starting to communicate etc. she called her fc'er mummy. our eldest called her mummy sometimes or gran - there were alot of grandkids about or 'her first name'.  our girls were with fc'er for about a year (aged 2 and 3 when we got them). i understand about attachment etc but i think kids just follow the lead sometimes? when we were first introduced to the girls they said 'this is your new mummy and daddy'. our edlest kept saying 'mummy?' mummy?  which i found strange to start with  ;D  but tbh i think if we had been introduced as barney the dinosaur, she would have called me barney!!  ::)  our youngest (who mostly called fc'er mummy) started to call me mummy straight away and now if you were to tell her someone else was her mum then she would have none of it!!  ;D  try and not worry too much, its not ideal but i think its a hurdle you would be able to tackle.


best of luck and keep us posted xxxxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hi everyone

Thanks for all the wise words. We are in a limbo at the mo, we can't progress til we get some outstanding medical info and so wont really know if we 100% progressing (bar matching panel) for about another month. If then things do go ahead, I will mention to our SW see if she can find out if its a case of the FC encouraging the Mama Dada thing or if its just come about naturally from LOs. I know its not a massive deal but I do think that it needs to be considered. The FC seems very good I have to say and clearly loves them loads....Will keep you all posted on any progress! xx
 

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Hi, my littlie called his fc mummy and daddy when we went round for introductions but at that point she started calling herself aunty and uncle and us mummy and daddy when introductions were going ahead.  She said she always used mummy and daddy with her foster children so that littlie was the same as everyone else and had a mummy and daddy he could "talk" about while waiting to be matched.  She said that it saved him confusion in the long run as he knew that all main carers were called mummy and daddy and that he was the same as everyone else.  Made sense and worked for us although littlie was only 18 months when we brought him home and not talking more than 5 words at that point.  We never had any problems with attachment as littlie attached very strongly during introductions with me - so much so that his coming to live with us was brought forward as he was getting distressed when I went home.  I was shocked the first time FC referred to herself as mummy though  :eek:  so understand how you feel.  ^hugme^
 

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It's not too uncommon if the children are young. I'd like to echo a suggestion from earlier in the thread saying to differentiate by using different names - if the FCs are "mama" and "dada", perhaps you could be "Mom" and "Dad" or "Mummy" and "Daddy".
 

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My neices and nephew would call  me Mummy when they were little, I think at that age it is more a label for grown ups than anything else.  You don't mention if the FC's have birth children but if they do it would be easy to understand why they are using Mama/Dada.

Hope things don't remain in limbo for you for long.

Cindy
 
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