Fertility Friends Support Forum banner
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
448 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello All,

I am reaching out in the hope that someone has experience (or has read of experience) of the above.  I'm a straight single female with many Gay, Bi and Lesbian friends.
I have recently been diagnosed with low fertility and am considering all of my options.  One option which I had not considered until this weekend was having a child with a gay male friend.  P and I have been friends for about 4 years and know each other quite well.  We socialise in the same circles and he is a single confident gay male who is stable in his job, well educated, intelligent, polite and lovely.  We have spoken in the past about children and I know he has the desire to have a child in a healthy relationship.  I have no desire for a relationship with him (which sometimes straight women can fall(delude themselves) into with their gay friends).  I would like a healthy relationship myself one day but am in no hurry to find Mr Wrong. 

I am trying to wrap my head around a suggestion that a friend made to ask him if he would consider co-parenting/known donor with me.  This is a lifetime commitment to a child and one that is very serious to me.  I care for P a lot and know this is something I am not considering lightly. I need loads of time to think about this. 

I have a couple of lesbian friends in the US who used known donor sperm from a friend in Chicago to have their son and live in Portland.  This relationship seems more like known donor than co-parent though.  I would want P to be a father/dad to this child though not a partner to me. I value our friendship deeply and totally respect my and his sexuality.

In either case what is people's experience of co-parenting?  Do you think this could work?  How the hell do I approach him with this "idea"?  What have others done with their known donors?
Thanks for your honesty and support!
Dawn
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,048 Posts
I am also a single striaght woman and have been TTC with my gay friend (he is in a long term committed relationship) and we have been trying starting with AI and then ICSI with my own eggs, then donor eggs and now taking a different track.

But we are not co=parenting, he is my known donor but they will be known to the child and part of its life in an uncle sense, but all the financial issues, choices for the child and living arrangement will be mine. 

I have a gay colleague who wanted to co-parent and he was very upfront asking and talking about his desire with colleagues- there are distinct differences and you need to be very clear which you both want, shared parental responsibilty or not.  He wants the child half the week, and now has a daughter with a lesbian couple which is working out well. The guy was in a civil partnership at the time but now is separated and in another relationship- you have to consider their lives as well.  Another lesbian lady I knew was embarking on a KD with a straight man, and then she overheard his girlfriend saying 'Won't it great when our baby comes along' this worried her and she went off to LWC and has her child!

I think if you start talking about your desire to have a child I found that men were offering sperm left right and centre and then you have choices to make. 

Good Luck
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
448 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
♥JJ1♥ said:
I think if you start talking about your desire to have a child I found that men were offering sperm left right and centre and then you have choices to make.
Thank you for the sage advice. I have loads of decisions and more reading to do.

I noticed you are using Create. I was there this week and they seem a very good clinc. I wish you luck!

Dawn
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
685 Posts
♥JJ1♥ said:
I think if you start talking about your desire to have a child I found that men were offering sperm left right and centre and then you have choices to make.
On a lighter note - before I decided to go it alone, I found that when I started talking about my desire to have a child, men generally ran a mile in the opposite direction ;D . JJ - what's your secret ;) ?

Dawn - good luck with your thinking ^reiki^. And good luck if you decide to raise the topic with your friend!

B xx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
448 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Conversation went well.  He's gone off to think about it.  :)  I am so lucky to have found this board when I did as there are other posts on here from Gay men in the same situation.  (Thanks for pointing out Stuart's thread JJ1)

Feeling much less alone with it all!

Dawn
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top