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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello ladies ,
I've not posted on this board before , but as we have our initial consultation for IVF booked for May i thought it was time i did .
I wanted to ask you about feelings and coping if i may ?
We have been TTC for 4 yrs and found out we would need IVF in Nov 04. Since Nov i have found my confidence gradually seeming to slip away from me . My sparkle and get up and go , seems to have gone . I don't even feel like going out anywhere anymore . I have problems with conversations , i feel like i have nothing to say because my days are consumed by thoughts of our infertility .  motivation and concentration at work is also concerning me , its hard isnt it ,  just everything seems bloody hard with this black cloud over me .We have only told my best friend and imediate family , which i think is the right decision , yet even though they dont know what were going through my confidence is still bashed when i have to talk to people.
I just wondered if anyone is / has experienced the same or am i going insane alone  :-\
thnks for reading
freespirit
 

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Freespirit
I know were your coming from, I ended going to see a counsellor as I found I was spending most of my days sleeping as it passed the time away. I wouldnt socialise with friends and even family. I found an excuse for everything. Eventually I found talking to friends and family did help although i didnt go into everything with them but just the basics. Nobody has any idea what you go through, you and your dh have just got to be strong for each other as that is the only thing that is getting me through all of this. I know its easy to say but stay positive and look to the future.
keep in touch
Deb P.
:) ^reiki^ :)
 

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in the same situation as yourself - found out in December 04 about needing to go through IVF - thought my whole world had fell apart.  Sometimes I have good days and think i'm lucky - I have a good life and a brill DH.  Other days all i want to do is cry my eyes out and wallow in self pity.  The old - why me? question goes over in my head at least once a day.  I used to be the life and soul of the party - now i sit back and find it difficult to engage in 'normal' conversation.

I'm lucky as I have a dear DH who picks up my bad day signs very quickly and manages to at least make me laugh once on those days. 

I belong to a very large family with lots of neices and nephews (i love them all dearly) but it gets really hard when all your sisters and in-laws talk about what their children are doing.  I end up walking away from the conversation and feel like screaming can  you not talk about children any more.  but on the surface my family think i'm coping with i well.  They find it difficult to talk to me about it. Get very awkward - even my mother - all she can say is 'Ill support you no matter what you decide' - I don't even know what I want her to say - I'm probably being mean.  She does love me but can't understand - she had 5 children in 5 years.

I only joined today but already I have received some really good support and had a laugh about this crazy situation.  So don't think your alone - there is lots of us out there with the same feelings. ;)
 

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Hi.  Felt compelled to join you.  I haven't had a worse feeling ever than going for a laporoscopy to be told that I will never conceive and that we'd have to do IVF.  All I could think was of all the horror stories that are splashed across every woman's magazine about years and years of trying to conceive and failed IVF attempts.  As far as I was concerned that was it.  I was never going to be a mummy.

I lay in bed recovering from the op and have to say it was the blackest day of my life.  Beavering away downstairs was my husband (dh?) and he was looking up stats. for clinics. 

To bring you up to date.  He found one in London whose stats were excellent and he got straight onto them.  We had a consultation two weeks later and I started the pill on the same day as directed by the Dr.  A few weeks later I had a positive HPT and then at the 6 week scan there was a heartbeat.  I worried however throughout the whole pregnancy.

I cannot believe that we had success 1st time round and feel so so blessed.  My son is now 13 months old and I have just had 2 embryos implanted hoping for another baby.  I am 39 years old in September, so not a spring chicken.

I do not know what I would have done with my life.  I think I'd have had to sell up and travel for a while with husband if we hadn't been blessed. 

I completely know how awful it is to think that one may not ever have a child and I was so distraught that it would have taken a long time for me to have the courage and confidence to approach a clinic, so I cannot repay my husband.  I also know that if I had been with a different man he may not have wanted to go down this route and I would have forever been resentful, so I think the relationship would have been doomed.  I have been maternal since I was a child myself and although I was a real career girl it really was because I was waiting to meet the right chap.

Good Luck to you all.  As others have said, I'll sprinkle some baby dust for you.  What a lovely thought!
 

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Flumpette
Its really nice to hear positive news, I have been thinking to myself that it cant possibly work first time round as my body will not be ready due to all the zoladex injections I have had recently. I have had et today and I know these next two weeks will be a nightmare.
I also find it very difficult when friends inform me they are pregnant or talk about the children they already have.
I trained as a nurse 2 years ago and met some lovely friends who majority are either now pregnant or have given birth. I feel the odd one out, although I have talked to them about my problems they have there own families and lives to lead. Sometimes I find it easier not talking about it but when I dont talk about it I feel know one cares. I cant win really.
Lets hope for positve results.
^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^
Deb P
 

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I hope you dont mind me jumping in and joining you, but I know how you all feel when we were told I had pcos and would not concieve naturally, it was told to us so casually, as if you know oh well never mind lets put a plaster on your knee and everything would be better, well I wish it was that easy, and friends as good and as much as they listen and say I know how you feel, They dont and never will they have there babies/children and there is no way in the world they could know how you feel.  I felt like my heart had been taken out of my chest, and my partner he was just as heart broken, I lost interest in friends and the house, everything, my family were fantastic my partner carried on picking me up when I was down and my parents and family were and still are very supportive, we talk about it a lot and dont hide anything. I still get very down and sometimes hate people with children I know I am spiteful but its jealousy, why do you have a beautiful baby and I dont or can't??  Its something we will always ask ourselves I found it very hard to come to terms with fully, but I am getting on and push myself everyday, please just remember we are all here for each other no matter how bad or down you feel scream at us so we can scream back lol, good luck to everyone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hello ladies ,
Thanks for reading the post and giving me some feedback , i guess i'm neither insane or alone  ??? .
Ginny , i'm not sure when we'll be starting our cycle , in my head i am imagining it will be July / August .
Flumpette , thanks for such a positive story hun . I do try to stay positive ( and have my  ^spot^ to stare at when i'm not  ;)
Deb p , although i have questioned myself as to if i should visit a counsellor , i have thought up to now theres been no need , i also havent been asked . The clinic we will be using does offer free counselling , so when that is explained to us i might pluck up the courage and take it .
thanks ladies
freespirit
 

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Hi freespirit
counselling isnt for everbody, I found it useful to a certain degree. Dont think you have got to do it. Discussing things with dh is much more effective I found in the end.
Good luck for july/august
Deb P. ^goodluck^ ^goodluck^
 

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Just wanted to pop in and say hi to you all and also say that it can be even harder going down this infertility route when you are one of the many "unexplained" and there seems to be no ryhme nor reason for things NOT to be happening!  It is sooooo frustrating!!

I am just embarking on my first ivf and am sooooo looking forward to it. I am trying to remain positive this time round as I must admit I was pretty negative all through my iui's!  Roll on the 11th of May when I have my Prostap injection!

Best of luck with all your tx.

Love

Karen xxx
 

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I just wanted to say: "I hear you Freespirit".....you repeat my own feelings.  I often feel at a loss for words to really now who I am anymore.....as grief and experience in IF has certainly had its impact on my confidence, motivation, zestfulness, energy and comfort to engage in a group.  I dread the "black cloud" and I miss the sparkle I remember in me.  I have become better at accepting that I can have an "OK day", "good day" and "bad day"  all in ONE day!!!!  I also like to believe that the sparkle still exists at my core....but obviously it will be dimmed in times of grief.  IF is grief through and through......it was supoose to be easier!!!!  I have often found myself exercising the whole "fake it, 'til I make it" approach....and it's not a wonder that I am exhausted at the end of the day!

My DH and I have been TTC for 3 and a half years.......4 attempts at IUI with donor sperm and one attempt at IVF with donor sperm  (we were actually "converted" from IUI to IVF due to too many follicles).  We are now gearing up for our second "official" IVF with donor sperm.  Even at my most hopeful moments, I still grieve that our potential child is not biologically my DH.  I trust this won't matter once we hold a baby.

Counselling support has been the ticket to increased experiences of peace and hopefulness.  I highly recommend it....of course, I consider myself lucky to have an exceptionally good one- in that I think she must have a personality much like me...because she "gets" me and the way my mind works.  She speaks of accepting my high energy (and high anxiety) and helps me channel it better by befriending it!
In my profession, I "give" of myself to othersl....so "Mental Health Sick Days" are a must for me every once in a while...regardless of the hauntings of IF.
Chocolate helps too.
I also have recently embarked on acupuncture....and it is definitely helping with managing my anxiety and depressive feelings with relaxation.
I pick and choose who will be near me on my bad days.  This has meant some compromises in friendships, social gatherings with DH and most importantly- my own self-perception....but in the end, if I want to be able to conceive- I have to make my health (physically and emotionally) #1, I figure.  When I do not have the tolerance to endure others ignorance and insensitivities, I keep to  1:1 time with safe people or just distract myself with a loner project.  It's hard at times......I am not sure if it ever gets truly easier....or you just begin to cut yourself more slack on the black cloud days.
I am sending you a hug- you are SO NOT ALONE! xo Gwendolyn
 
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