[Danuna]

I'm Danuna and I'm about to start out on my first surrogacy for two very dear friends of mine.

It all started for me when I was eleven;  Aunty Flo made her first visit and decided that I should be one of the unlucky ones to get very bad monthly cramps.  The old wives suggested that it would stop when I had a baby, not much comfort for a young girl!  Years of treatment from my GP followed.  I tried everything to manage the condition.  I assumed that I must have endometriosis.  I finally got to see a gynaecologist.  After more tests she said I was perfectly healthy - which was not what I wanted to hear.  She also said that the best hope for a cure was for me to have a pregnancy.

After lots of tears, soul searching and discussing things with the people I care about, my initial reaction was correct - I was just not willing or ready to have a baby.

It's difficult not to get angry.  After all, the human reproductive system evolved at a time when most young women had their first baby in their early teens.  Nature does not care about what I want in life, about my agendas, or whether or not I'm ready to reproduce.  I'm a modern girl with a uterus that thinks it is in the Stone Age.

I got round to thinking that maybe I could help somebody else.  I felt a certain kind of empathy for people with fertility problems.  After all, my own problems were none of my fault.  I was just unlucky, the same as someone with fertility problems is just unlucky.

I contacted one of the UK's surrogacy organisations about a year ago.  Due to various circumstances, I've had to wait until now before starting an arrangement.  I've gotten to know a couple who have become really dear friends of mine and we hope to start "trying" very soon.

 

[Jaq]

Hi Danuna (aka Cybermintz)
Lovely to hear from you and great news that you are hoping to start soon, wishing all of you the very best of luck 
Love Jaq

 

[sunrise]

Hi Danuna,

Goodluck with your surrogacy.
This is my third surrogacy,  my first was back in 1998.


Lorraine

 

[Danuna]

Hiya Sunrise

Are you with COTS, SUK or indie?  I'm really itching (not that kind of itching!) to get going.  For the first time since the age of eleven I'm actually looking forward to Aunty Flo so that we can start the next cycle!

I'm a straight surrogate, which means that the intended father will be the genetic father and I will be a genetic and gestational parent.  Before anyone asks, surrogates definitely DO NOT have sex with the intended father, it's all syringes and instead cups.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much.  Anyone in surrogacy will tell you that surrogates feel ever so guilty if they get a negative.  I'm trying to be realistic whilst hoping for the best.  Intended Parents, whilst no one can ever get used to disappointments, are perhaps better at dealing with them, or at least, that's what I've been told.

Surrogacy is, and always should be the option of last resort.  This means that the intended parents have already suffered more in their lifetime than most people will ever know.  From what I know so far, every intended parent is giving the surrogate the hope of their hearts, with total faith that she will keep them safe, whilst surrendering their dreams of getting pregnant together.

As the wise people say "sometimes you have to let go of one dream to catch another" and in this case, it's so very true.

That's why, despite what some unenlightened people might think, that surrogacy is not the solution for every couple, just as either foreign or domestic adoption is not for everyone.  It's a whole different mindset from conventional treatments.  It's about dealing with another person (the surrogate mother) and her family, letting them into their home and hearts and knowing that whatever happens, your fates are going to be bound together for the rest of your lives.

Like I said, I'll keep you guys and girls posted.

 

[EJJB]

Hiya Minty.
Congrats on your good news.  When are you going public on the other board?
I am a regular user of that board.
Hope it all goes well for you and your couple.
EJJB
  x

 

[Danuna]

  Like my signature line says - keep watching that space!

 

[EJJB]

I watched and I saw.
Good Luck to you all.
EJJB
  x

 

[Danuna]

Thanks EJJB - I've been very fortunate to find IPs who are willing to travel so very far for this arrangement and who were willing to consider someone who has never been pregnant before.  It's a real leap of faith for them.

Like I said, first cycle (goddess willing) is September 2005.

 

[crownmum]

Hi

Good luck. Looking forward to following your journey.

By the way you are your IPs make a great team.

 

[Danuna]

Thanks for that Crownmum.  I'm so very hoping that it works.  If we get a hit first time that will be the icing on the cake - but we all know that it's very unlikely to happen. 

 

[Jaq]

Hi there
Keeping fingers crossed for you all    and hoping the 2ww leaves you with a few fingernails  - and don't test too early hun, its an up and down ride enough as it is 
Best of luck!
Jaq

 

[Danuna]

Thanks Jaq

  It certainly is an up and down ride - a very long up and down ride, it's no wonder that people get sick of it sometimes.  We've not even got so far as our first "try" yet, if you know what I mean, but already I'm counting the days.  It's a fine balance between being realistic and idealistic.

At this stage, all I can offer my dear friends is hope.

I pray that it's not false hope.

They really don't need another disappointment.

 

[Danuna]

Okay, so here we are in the two week wait.  Having done all that needs to be done I'm feeling strangely calm and relaxed about the whole thing. What will be will be, and if it ain't we can try again next month.  I'm so glad I'm not doing host, because straight is a much simpler process in that respect.

Someone said that there is only a twenty percent chance of getting caught each time, even if everything is okay.  That's about the same as the odds of winning a prize on a scratch card. This fertility thing is turning me into a statistician.

 

[Jaq]

Hi Danuna

Welcome to the 2ww  When do you test? (assuming you'll not be naughty and test far, far, too early  ) I test on 7th Oct so could be about the same time. Anyway, wishing you heaps of luck 

Love Jaq

 

[Danuna]

Hiya Jaq

That's the Friday after next?  That's the earliest date at which I can test as well!  I've be warned again and again about not testing early.  My IPs sent me some HCG tests along with my ovulation predictor kits, but I'm thinking of sending them back so that I don't get tempted!

It sounds like you've tried everything that fertility treatment has to offer.  The bravery and endurance that people on this board display never stops amazing me.  My IPs have gone through the two week wait hundreds of times as I'm sure you have.

I wish that more people who have not had fertility problems knew what infertility can do to a couple.  Maybe then there would be more support and understanding from the outside world - and possibly more surrogates and egg donors.

I'll be thinking about you Jaq and sending out positive vibes - best of luck to all of us!

Oh look, we've even got a simile for the pee stick police - how cute!

 

[Jaq]

Aww, thanks for your lovely message. Sending you 
Love Jaq

 

[Danuna]

What I need is a two week wait calendar - like an advent calendar only for the two week wait; preferably with little chocolates behind each window.

…and here’s another thing, phantom symptoms during the two week wait (apparently almost everyone gets them) but why can’t I have nice phantom symptoms, like glowing skin, glossy hair and strong fingernails? It just isn’t fair!

 

[crownmum]

Hi Danuna

Hang on in there.

The 2ww is so hard isn't it?

We're all here for you and wishing you the best of luck!

 

[Danuna]

Well that's over then.

I've been getting crampy pains for the last few days and last night I noticed blood on the toilet paper.  Looks like Auntie Flo has decided to make an early visit.

I've been feeling sick for the last few days as well.  NHS direct say that I've probably got a virus as it was way too early to be getting any signs.  Now I'm wondering if I imagined it all, except that only a masochist would imagine being that sick.

My IPs are taking it really well.  I guess when you do the two week wait hundreds of times, you kind of expect it not to work.  Anyway folks, until next month the!.

 

[Jaq]

Hi Danuna
So sorry to hear the    has arrived. Sending you hun.
And hope the sickness is clearing - I've been feeling a bit sicky too, but that's probably due to nerves
Arrange a treat for yourself and then you'll be all set to go again next month 
Best wishes
Jaq