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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I haven't posted a lot on FF but Im a constant reader and I just dont know what I'd have done without it over the last few years. This morning, 14DP2dT we got a BFN on our first DE cycle. My clinic tells us to get a blood test directly which we did and it was bad news.... I just wasnt prepared for this.

After 3 failed cycles using my own eggs and after lots of thought and deliberation it was decided this was the route to go down. I was given 15% chance with my own eggs and 60% with a DE... we weren't in a position financially, to go away other way. My clinic has good success rates using DE, the donors are young students, mine was 20 years old.. for gods sake 20... how fresh can the eggs be!!!! I'm only 36 (37 next week... great bday!). I know it is never guaranteed to work. Have we just fell into the 40% bad luck side? I just feel such a complete failure... my DH is being so supportive but to see him so upset, all because of this body of mine that can't seem to even get pregnant even with a 20 year olds eggs, I just feel I cant even look him in the face.

I don't know what Im expecting people to say to me but just felt I had to write on here where there are people that will understand. Are there any tests I should be asking for to have done? We got 3 8 cell embs (the other embs weren't good enought to freeze) 2 were transferred and 1 was frozen. I'm thinking now in hindsight that we should have transferred 3. I'm also thinking that if we try again... or should I say when we try again (I dont want to give up) we should maybe get a different donor.... with the possibilty of getting more eggs and having some left over to freeze.
Any thoughts... advise?
Sorry for waffling on...... it stops the tears
Love and lots of luck to all Kath xxxxx
 

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Hi Kath,
Im sorry I cant help you with regards to experiencing a BFN with a DE cycle or answer your questions about further testing as I am not due to start my DE cycle till July.
I guess all  I reallly wanted was to send you some  ^hugme^


xxxxx
 

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Kath,
Don't give up hope! Ive just turned 36 and am currently  11 wks pg after my 3rd DIVF. So it can happen! We were told after our first tx that we could have tests done to do with immunity etc, but actually all they would do if they came back positive would be to put us on baby aspirin. For our 2nd tx we went to a different clinic where they use blastocysts and they put me on steroids and aspirin with still no luck. We sort of said that we'd give it one last go and went back in april, where we had two put back and 3 frosties too!

I really thought we'd reached the end of the line and that i was a complete failure, as my own eggs just don't work at all....BUT here I am, feeling sick and hormonal with two little bubs on board...so...please, please, please dont give up just yet...and remember that every time you start a new tx the odds are still the same. i think they say that ED works after four times for 90% of people, which is pretty good odds...

I'm here if you want to chat about any of this..I totally understand how you feel

^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^
Alice xxx
 

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Just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am to hear about your BFN  ^hugme^

Marie xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you so much for your replies.... I think because I had so much hope that this cycle would work the blow has been even harder. I've not had a good weekend, my eyes look like footballs from constant  :'( and just have this constant sick feeling inside. I suppose one good thing is that it has convinced me that we were 100% right to move onto DE and not keep on trying with my own eggs. I still had a few doubts that we were doing the right thing...but I mean, if it's not even going to work like this, obviously near impossible with my eggs. Anyway... we're having a break over the summer and then will hopefully (if we can scrape together the cash!!!) will be trying again September time. I find that my way of coping to try again as soon as possible, I dont know if anyone else feels the same.

Alice or anyone else, Can I ask... did you use a different donor each time? We have only 1emb on ice from this cycle and we now have to decide whether or not to try using this emb (cheaper but with 40%chance of success) or start again with a different donor (60% success rate) Im in a bit of a dilemma about this... My DH wants to have the better rates of success, even if it means paying more. He says to go through it all again emotionally, we should go for the option of having more success.

Thank you so much
Kath xxxx
 
 

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Kath,

Personally, if I was in your position, I would go for a fresh cycle with a fresh donor. We changed clinic after our first attempt, so we could go for one with no waiting list, so we had a different donor every time. The second time with this clinic they gave us the 'best donor' they had...so they really wanted to do the best for us by then as they felt it should have worked for us...and it did! If you try a fresh cycle, you may end up with another frostie or two, in which case, you will have more chance on a future FET cycle...does that make sense? I personally wouldn't want to take all the drugs and everything when there is a chance that the one embie may not defrost properly (it may well do, but I'm a pessimist I'm afraid!  ;D)

I hope that helps...but don't feel forced to do what I would do...

Can I also ask where you are going for tx?

We had our first tx in October last year...then we switched clinics, which meant a delay until end Jan for our next tx. Then we went back for our third (and hopefully last if this pregnancy continues  ^pray^ ^pray^) end of March...We were very much of the view that if we were going to have to live with the fact that we would never have children we would rather know sooner than later....

Hope this helps...do keep in touch
Alice xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks Alice, What you've said pretty much sums up what we've been thinking too. Although the money side has to be considered, as we just dont have it for countless tries..... I think the emotional side of it is much more important. I mean to put yourself through it all emotionally, we need to have the best possible chances of success.
I live in the Canary Islands, Lanzarote to be precise and I have to travel backwards and forwards to my clinic in Tenerife for treatment. I thought about changing clinics but apart from the BFN, I didnt have any other complaints. There is no waiting list for donors, they are young and I also got more info about her than a lot of other clinics seem to give out. The only thing is that they haven't suggested doing any immunity tests or anything... their opinion is that we have just been unlucky. Did you have your treatment in the UK or abroad?
Big congratulations on your pregnancy and twins too. You must be over the moon.... it's stories like yours that keep me going.
Kath xxxxxxxxx
 

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I know what you mean..the money is one issue, but it's the emotion that got to me too...there's only so many times you can put yourself through it. I was ready for my third attempt to be my last...

We had our tx in Spain..the last two were in Instituto Bernabeu in Alicante...which was absolutely fabulous. It was the first clinic that recommended the tests, but our new clinic and our clinic here in the UK both said they were pointless and, like yours, agreed that we had probably been unlucky. I think the immunity tests etc are only really relevant if you miscarry more than once..but I'm not sure...

If you're pleased with your clinic, I'd say stay with them...at least you know they will keep trying for you a) because they care b) because they don't want you to keep being a bad statistic (they are running a business after all!  ;))

Thank you for your congratulations...we are over the moon...but let me warn you too, that when (not if!  :)) you get your BFP and the horrid 2ww is over, then begins the difficult 9 month wait...not a day goes past where I don't worry that something is going to go wrong!!! I always said that I would just be happy to get pregnant...now I'm pregnant I don't reckon I'll be happy till I'm holding them both in my arms! Still, we do both appreciate how lucky we are, even if it has taken us a v. long time and lots of  :'( :'( and £££ to get here!

I really do hope it happens for you too...try and stay positive too. For this last tx I lost lots of weight, got myself fit and stuck to a healthy diet, taking all my vits etc regularly...I was a bit of a dull bunny, but I did feel so much more positive going into tx...so it can help!  ^reiki^ ^reiki^

Keep in touch
Alice xxx

 
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