Fertility Friends Support Forum banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

Registered
Joined
7 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone, new to forum. I have a OE daughter age 4 , I am 46 and have recently had embryo transfers using same sperm donor and DE , waiting my two weeks and think I am pregnant as I feel really queasy all the time but now worrying about having used DE and whether I bond and also my age is freaking me out thinking about the future and having teenager in my 60鈥漵 馃ゴ I鈥檓 really beginning to panic thinking I鈥檝e done the wrong thing and being selfish trying to baby two. Haven鈥檛 told my family yet either because I鈥檓 worried about negative reactions/comments (parents are 80 now ) any help/kind words would be appreciated. Thank you.
 

Registered
Joined
280 Posts
Hey Amo .

I would try not to worry and think that way , if you saw a little new born baby alone laid in the street you would run over and care for that baby and bond since we are women and nurturers by nature . I think get it out your head it鈥檚 De. All you鈥檝e got in an egg is a genetic code of hair colour etc , the rest is all you . A baby is a baby whether it鈥檚 oe , adopted , de . I am just about to start de an it will be my first and I鈥檓 44 so I will be having a second all being well at 46 . Life has been delayed for many of us due to covid and careers to pay the bills etc so I think there will be more of a trend of older mothers or women not having children at all because of social circumstances . I won鈥檛 be cheated out of motherhood just because I waited to make sure the conditions were right to being a child into the world . It does mean I鈥檝e sacrificed my own child in order to be in the best position but that鈥檚 how my life has rolled .

I鈥檝e read a few stories on here from ladies with oe and de children and they are loved exactly the same so I would try and not worry . It鈥檚 natural though and I think prob the top ten of what women worry about with de . X
 

Registered
Joined
280 Posts
Also I hopefully will have a teenager in my sixties , my mate said that to me , you will have a teenager in your sixties and I thought , why what happens to you in your sixties ? lAs far as I know you just look a bit older but I鈥檓
Afraid there鈥檚 no retirement at 55 anymore , those days are way gone for most , retirement age is 67 so the kids will be adults by the time of retirement . I certainly would prefer to be with my family I鈥檝e created than sat watching count down x
 

Registered
Joined
7 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you PDream1980, 鉂 I really appreciate you taking the time to answer me with lovely words. I especially love the part about I won鈥檛 be cheated out of motherhood. My little one is desperate to be a big sis and will make a great one. I鈥檓 hoping that all my worries will fade as soon as baby placed in my arms. I鈥檒l try not to think too much about the future as best I can because we all don鈥檛 know what lies in store really eh. Thank you again and I wish you all the very best in your ivf journey 鉂
 

Registered
Joined
2,748 Posts
Hey Amo .

I would try not to worry and think that way , if you saw a little new born baby alone laid in the street you would run over and care for that baby and bond since we are women and nurturers by nature . I think get it out your head it鈥檚 De. All you鈥檝e got in an egg is a genetic code of hair colour etc , the rest is all you . A baby is a baby whether it鈥檚 oe , adopted , de . I am just about to start de an it will be my first and I鈥檓 44 so I will be having a second all being well at 46 . Life has been delayed for many of us due to covid and careers to pay the bills etc so I think there will be more of a trend of older mothers or women not having children at all because of social circumstances . I won鈥檛 be cheated out of motherhood just because I waited to make sure the conditions were right to being a child into the world . It does mean I鈥檝e sacrificed my own child in order to be in the best position but that鈥檚 how my life has rolled .

I鈥檝e read a few stories on here from ladies with oe and de children and they are loved exactly the same so I would try and not worry . It鈥檚 natural though and I think prob the top ten of what women worry about with de . X
Couldn't agree more with this !
.
 

Registered
Joined
178 Posts
Agree with the above posters. Rest assured that is COMPLETELY normal. I went through the exact same feelings, but when you feel that little baby moving and kicking inside you, and you see them on the screen, that is your baby.
I am eternally grateful to our donor for giving us this gift of life and I will never forget it.
We have so many questions and what-ifs about using DE but I firmly believe that you will get the baby that you were meant to get. The clinic are professionals and they are legally bound to match the donor to your phenotype. Hope you have a healthy pregnancy 馃馃徏
 

Registered
Joined
633 Posts
Hi everyone, new to forum. I have an OE daughter age 4 , I am 46 and have recently had embryo transfers using same sperm donor and DE , waiting my two weeks and think I am pregnant as I feel really queasy all the time but now worrying about having used DE and whether I bond and also my age is freaking me out thinking about the future and having teenager in my 60鈥漵 馃ゴ I鈥檓 really beginning to panic thinking I鈥檝e done the wrong thing and being selfish trying to baby two. Haven鈥檛 told my family yet either because I鈥檓 worried about negative reactions/comments (parents are 80 now ) any help/kind words would be appreciated. Thank you.
AMO67, these are all normal feelings. Panic - am I doing the right thing? If you have reached this stage it鈥檚 probably something you wanted a lot.
Actually now that you mention about age, i know someone who had a baby at 49-50. She said that she feels like she has regained her youth. Also, a friend of my mother in law had a baby at 54 back in the 70s before IVF was even a thing. She couldn鈥檛 believe it and decided to keep the baby. Today she is alive and well and her son is mid 40s.
Re DE - i think the bonding fear is one all mums hve regardless of genetics.But think about it. We come to this life and we fall in love with someone who we end up loving deeply. Thus genetics have nothing to do with love and bonding. Give time to yourself. It鈥檚 probably not down to DE but rather down to general panic with the situation.
 

Registered
Joined
7 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you for your reply and to everyone else . I鈥檝e just tested and confirmed what I thought that I am pregnant. I still feel a bit worried about reactions and my age and what baby will look like etc but I鈥檓 trying to remain more positive and I will post again how things are going. This forum is amazing and I am feeling much less alone in this journey. Thank you everyone 鉂
 

Registered
Joined
280 Posts
Women have babies naturally in their fifties like efi said so you鈥檙e not too old and I wouldn鈥檛 give a hoot what other people think anyway . They may look at you and feel Jealous and not judgemental ! You never know what鈥檚 really in someone鈥檚 head , we just presume and most of the time we probably get it wrong .

I know it鈥檚 a tender time for you and I have a sneaky feeling I will feel Exactly the same when I get to your stage (not the age thing though as I don鈥檛 care about that )

That little baby was meant to be yours , try and imagine it鈥檚 the best happiest baby in the world and so happy they are now here , try to take yourself away from How you feel and how the baby feels . They are coming into a loving family with a pre made sibling who they can
Play and fight with and torment and be there for each other forever. Remember all you鈥檝e done is take a code . Near in mind each of your eggs are different too with their own little code and your code in your eggs in effect is not even yours as it was given by your parents so that ownership of your own little egg isn鈥檛 really that much of a reality . I believe god and the child have chosen that child to be here abs chosen you to bring them here , it鈥檚 an act of service . That baby is going to bring so much joy and love and that鈥檚 all that鈥檚 needed in this world , love and joy and not some genetic code x x x
 

Registered
Joined
7 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Wow that鈥檚 such a powerful and beautiful message thank you鉂 Love and joy is definitely what鈥檚 more important . . Thank you PDream1980 and I wish you every success and happiness in your journey too.
 

Registered
Joined
57 Posts
There is more to love and family than someone saying we all have the same genes and that makes a family. I love my husband but the reality is we are not genetically related - so how can someone say we don鈥檛 love our partners as much because they don鈥檛 share our genes? There is only a 1% different between my DNA and another persons, which I would imagine lessens the gap when you carry that child. The reason we get bothered is because of the 鈥渇airytale鈥 story we grow up with that you meet a partner and make a family but the reality is we don鈥檛 live in a world of fairytales and we have to make our own happy endings sometimes by doing things differently.
Your child wouldn鈥檛 be here without you agreeing to donor egg so in fact they don鈥檛 exist without you carrying them, caring for them, loving them and making them.
Hope this helps ease some of your concerns xx
 

Registered
Joined
280 Posts
There is more to love and family than someone saying we all have the same genes and that makes a family. I love my husband but the reality is we are not genetically related - so how can someone say we don鈥檛 love our partners as much because they don鈥檛 share our genes? There is only a 1% different between my DNA and another persons, which I would imagine lessens the gap when you carry that child. The reason we get bothered is because of the 鈥渇airytale鈥 story we grow up with that you meet a partner and make a family but the reality is we don鈥檛 live in a world of fairytales and we have to make our own happy endings sometimes by doing things differently.
Your child wouldn鈥檛 be here without you agreeing to donor egg so in fact they don鈥檛 exist without you carrying them, caring for them, loving them and making them.
Hope this helps ease some of your concerns xx
馃槏鉂も潳鉂も潳鉂も潳鉂も潳鉂も潳鉂も潳鉂も潳鉂
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top