[AnneD]

Hi,

We've been pinning our hopes on a PESA after two  samples showed no life there at all.  The PESA was yesterday and although we won't get the comprehensive results until July  they told us shortly afterwards that as yet they could find nothing but it didn't mean they wouldn't  .  Apparently they incubate the sperm in the hope that they find some life but isn't this just false hope  ?

Back in December we were told by our doctor that our options were DI and adoption only and when we went to the fertiilty centre we expected in February we were told that they were hopeful we could try ICSI. Now I feel that all the hope we were given has been false and I feel a bit cheated.  Liek why would they give us hope when there was so little.  Our Urologist even said there was a 50% chance of finding some  which to me seemed very high and gave me such hope that now I feel  .

Has anyone else had a similar experience.  We're feeling desperate and sore (poor DH!) and are going through all those feelings we had back in December.

Any advice would be very grateful.

Hope you're all having more luck that we are.

Anne xxx

 

[FEW]

Hi Anne
I am sorry you are feeling low I'm afraid i have no advice but i am thinking of you. I understand how hard it is when you get your hopes up only to have them dashed. Keep your head up. sending you a hug as you are definately in need 

LOL
Frances

 

[AnneD]

Thanks Frances,

The big hug is much appreciated.  Sending you lots of fairy dust for August    Good luck!

Rachel x

 

[AnneD]

Whoops,

Of course I mean Anne    Ha ha not very good at this undercover stuff 

 

[ruby k]

Hi Anne / Rachel
I'm so sorry to hear your news - after we chatted on Sunday in the chat room I was thinking about you loads, and hoping that your appointment would bring some good news... I'm not sure why your clinic would have given you false hope - perhaps there is still some? I do know, however, what its like to have your hopes dashed - it all seems so unfair and confusing doesn't it? I expect you are both feeling shell shocked to say the least - so be kind to each other and don't expect too much from yourselves in the next wee while.

Sending you lots and lots of    and hoping that some better news is coming your way soon.

Lots of love, Ruby k xxx

 

[ruby k]

ps frances we are both kermit fans! and both ttc 3 years and having icsi for the first time this summer - weird!! (but good)
xxx

 

[FEW]

Hi ruby
we could start a whole new Muppet's thread just to cheer Anne up 
what do you think?
good luck for the summer maybe we will all have some luck this year.

Anne have you checked out any complementary treatments for you and your Dh we found them great when we hit rock bottom. My homeopath has picked me off the floor many times I am not sure what I would do without her.
also Rachel suits you better I was no good at the incognito stuff either

LOL
Frances 

 

[AnneD]

Hi Ruby and Frances,

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

Frances I'll definitely look into homeopathy, I think we could do with all the help we can get!  So far I've only tried Bach Rescue Remedy.

Ruby, so good to hear from you again.  Our chat the other day really helped and I'll keep looking out for you.

Feeling a little bit better today and planning to try and keep myself as busy as possible because yesterday felt like the longest day ever just mooching around the house.  I've got a facial booked for tomorrow which I was going to cancel but figure that if I can't pamper myself now when can I!  I'm also popping off for a few days sunshine in June with a very good (and understanding) friend  during DH's busy spell at work.

Here's fingers crossed that some baby dust blows our way  regardless of how it gets to us!!!

Big hugs,

Rachel Anne! xxx

 

[ruby k]

Hi Rachel Anne
Good for you going for the facial! I went for a massage last week and it was great, so have booked another one for next week!! yippee!

I would agree to try some homeopathic and/or complementary remedies, even if they just help you to cope with things. I am trying one of the bach flower remedies called mimulus at the moment - which is for 'fear of known things' (ie ICSI!!) - but there are loads you could try which may take the edge off feeling desparate or unhappy about all this. As for dh I'm not sure - mine takes zinc and multivitamins, and went thro a stage of taking Marylin Glenvilles vits and chinese herbs. He's also cut back on the booze (but I think you said your dh isn't really a drinker?) and obviously no ****. 

Good to keep busy, but also make sure you spend time together talking and hugging and stuff  . With hindsight I see how gutted my dh was when we got bad sperm results, even tho he was hiding it at the time...Its sooo disappointing, but keep hoping Rachel, there WILL be a solution.

Anyway, let us know how youre getting on and IM me anytime!!!

Love Ruby k xxx

ps Frances, yes I'm up for a total muppets revival! (But bagsy miss piggy)

 

[lily rose]

hello anne d,

i've just read your post. i haven't been on this site for a while.
i totally understand what you are going through... i'm sorry and i'm thinking of you.
my dh and i learned at easter that there was no sperm found after the operation - we were told that there was a 50% chance of finding some.
i stupidly geared myself up for icsi with dh sperm, only to be told that we'd have to use donor or think about adoption.

i do hope you have some brighter news soon... thinking of you at this awful time.

keep me posted

lily -rose x

 

[clipclop]

so sorry to hear what you and your dh are going through...

I've submitted one sample so far and have been told that there was nothing there. I've got to submit a second sample on Monday. (so fingers crossed for then)

but what i was wondering is what are the chances of finding non in the second sample?

and then what are the chances of finding non during a pesa?

also have they said what this is due too?

on a positive note i have read about the incubation process and it does bring some successes! so my thoughts are with you...

 

[AnneD]

Hi Lily-Rose, Hi Clip Clop,

Lily-Rose - I too was all geared up and mentally prepared to go ahead with ICSI so it was a real kick in the teeth.  How are you and your DH coping?  I seem to be getting worse rather than better  I was originally dead set against donor but having read the threads on this site I'm findind that there may be light at the end of the tunnel.  What are your thoughts.  I'm looking into adoption too but my DH's preferred option is donor! It's a lot to get your head round isn't it?! It'd be great to hear from you because it sounds like we're in exactly the same boat at the moment 

Clip Clop - my DH also did two samples but no sperm in either.  The next step for you would be to see a urologist and after examining you he will decide what they thinks the chances are - although they won't know for definite until the PESA.  Our urologist gave us 50% chance of finding something but we've been unlucky.  If they think you have obstructive azoospermia then there's a greater chance that a biopsy will come up trumps as it means there are sperm there but they just can't get through.  It all depends on what has caused the azoospermia it in the first place.  They think my DH's azoospermia was caused when he was developing in the womb but we don't have the full results until July.  Have you had blood tests done yet?  They do these before a biopsy to determine if it is a genetic predisposition as cystic fibrosis can be a cause of azoospermia.  Hope all this makes sense! Fingers crossed all your tests go well - I'll be thinking of you both 

Hi Ruby and Frances, hope you're both well - if you guys have claimed Miss Piggy reckon I'll go for Animal - just feel like banging those drums    xxx

 

[FEW]

hi Anne
someone else claimed miss piggy I alsways fancied being the mad proffessors side kick beeker as he gets a little crazy at times just how I feel and when he talks he goes mi mi mi

hope your doing ok
frances

 

[AnneD]

Mi mi mi Frances 

I'm having one of my not so good days today but hopefully I'll wake up and be fine tomorrow - that's usually the way it goes.  Thank god for FF!  Phew.

Hope alls well with you xxx

 

[lollypop67]

Hi

Sorry to hear what you are going through.  My DH had a vasectomy 8 years ago.  He has now had 4 TESE.  Three of them were preeceded by PESA and TESA.  The PESA and TESA never produce sperm so last cycle they went straight to TESE as we usually manage something from there.  At the time of the procedure for TESE there is never anything viable, they don't need to be alive though for ICSI though.  The sperm are usually incubated overnight and luckily to present they have managed to find some to use each time.  We have tried to freeze some but unfortunalty never successful so we need fresh TESE each time!  Our situations are not identical but thought I would share with you as it may give you food for thought for your questions at your consultation.  

Good luck

Lolly X

 

[AnneD]

Hi Lolly,

Blimey you've been through the mill, a big hug definitely needed  you sound so strong!

Wow I didn't think you would be able to retrieve anything following an unsuccessful PESA.  I suppose it depends on what the full results are when we get them in July.  Dare I hope?!  The Urologist suspected that my DH's problem may have been a developmental one when he was still in the womb which would indicate to me that there was going to be nothing there but he then gave us a 50% chance of finding sperm - it's such a minefield isn't it?!

I'm wallowing a tad today but think I'd better get a grip and get on with life (in between appointments that is  )

You've given me fresh hope when I need it the most Lolly, thank you so much.

Anne xxx

 

[clipclop]

Hi both of you...

Thanks for getting to us.

I've had some blood tests, they were for FSH and hormon levels.  We should get the results for them later this week.

Not sure about you, but its the waiting and not knowing thats we're finding hard!

Wishing you both all the best for July

 

[lollypop67]

Morning

Why don't you both come and join us on the male icsi thread? We keep each other going! There's loads nice folk and some that are really knowledgeable on the SSR front. You may find it useful to read back threads too.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,30774.20.html

lolly X

 

[lily rose]

hello anne d,

thanks for the reply... well, to be honest we (dh and i) are struggling to come to terms with the outcome. it's been almost 3 months since we've known.
however, don't give up all hope just yet, from what i can gather it's quite rare to find nothing at all - remember they said there is 50% chance of them finding something yet. so my fingers are crossed for you.

when in july do you find out? the wait is torture - and i'm thinking of you.

we do okay somedays and others we both just crumble. i guess you never really get used to it.

my dh and i can't yet think of adoption or donor. i'm unsure we ever will to be honest.

anyway, if you'd like to ask any other questions, i'm here!

lily-rose x

 

[AnneD]

Hi Everyone,

Lily-Rose (beautiful name by the way),Sorry for the question but were you given a reason for the azoospermia?  The reason I ask is that, to me, if my DH's problem IS a problem he's had from birth, then I don't see that there's any hope in finding anything, especially seeing as they couldn't initially find any sperm. 

Yes, the wait is torture - I actually rang the centre today for the second time to see if there's any chance they could give us at least some indication of how it went, so that we're at least a little prepared for July.  They've said they'll get a letter out to us but they said that over a week ago too and I'm climbing the walls!  I can't get any work done because I can't focus on anything else at the moment and seem to be spiralling rapidly downwards.  My DH is going to work as usual and seems to be coping fine which only makes me worse, but I know it's just his way of coping.  He tends to pretend things aren't happening then when they catch up on him he has a meltdown! 

I think the only reason we're able to even consider donor and adoption is because back in December we were told they were our only options.  For me, a life without kids is unthinkable.  I've looked after my 14 nieces and nephews and everyone elses kids for years, thinking stupidly that I'd soon have my own family too.  Even my job is kiddie related - ironic or what?!

Sorry to be all doom and gloom, but I guess I'm having another bad day.

Anne x