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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi I was just wondering whether people plan beyond their treatment cycle.

Part of me wants to plan as though I have been unsuccessful as I think this will give me some sort of structure, and something to focus on.  But then I feel guilty that I am not being more positive, and think that I should only plan as though we will be successful,  But then I think I want to protect myself and hold a little bit back and be realistic.  Do you understand what I am rambling on about.

I am starting second try at ICSI in December,  and a friend has asked me to go on a skiing holiday in March, I have explained the situation to her and have said if I were successful I wouldn't be skiing, (we are going to a chalet her sister hosts in Chamonix, so I know you could have a holiday without actually skiing)  I am torn between thinking this will be something nice if ICSI fails, and it would be OK if it were positive, 

But then I think maybe I shouldn't be thinking this way and shouldn't think about going if it were positive as would only be in my first month.  And then I think but if it doesn't work a break would be just what was needed.

Oh dear you see I am in a terrible mess dithering and feeling guilty.  Each day I swing from one decision to another.

I was wondering if others put everything on hold or allow themselves to think past treatment for +ve and -ve?

thanks DMK
 

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Hiya,
I'm starting ICSI #2 in December as well, and I must admit, I'm exactly the same as you! We've been invited to Euro Disney with a whole bunch of family in March, and we've said we can't go.
If I was pregnant, I'd only be about 2 months gone, and after a m/c last year at 3 months, theres no way I'm travelling in the first tri.
However, like you, I'm also thinking it'll be nice to have a trip to go on if its negative. ::)
However, I know if it is negative, I'll be in no mood to spend a week in disney with the world and their happy, smiley kids, so I guess that more or less makes my mind up!
It is hard to try to make plans in advance, could you not miss out on this trip, but maybe plan a last-minute break, if you do get a negative (and I'm hoping you won't need that break!) Or, as you say, you could go and not ski. It just all depends on how you feel about travel in the first tri. I know many, many people do travel when first preg, but we've paid thousands for this chance - thats just the way I'm thinking. ;)
Hope that helped you in any way!!
HUgs
Marie xx
 

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Hello,

I also have the same problem - to plan or not to plan?  I usually end up with different options as I find myself wanting to plan things so I feel vaguely "normal" and that my life hasnt completely been taken over by tx. 

I usually end up telling myself "well if it doesnt work we could do ....."  but then I feel guilty about being negative so I then add a "but then it does work we could do .... instead" 

The things I plan do usually involve getting away somewhere and then there is the added worry of it works should I fly?  Is it possible to not book the trip yet - fingers
crossed that it will work and then you can decide whether you want to travel or not (I too would err on the side of caution), and if it doesnt work and you feel like you want to get away you could try to get a last minute flight.  Worse case scenario would be it doesnt work, you decide you want to go and cant get a flight - then just book a minibreak or last minute cheapie deal somewhere else for you and DP.

Hope that helps.  I really understand what you are going through - have been in the same situation several times myself.

Good luck with the decision making!
Olwen
 

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hi DMK

I thought i was the only one who did not know how to feel. one day im positive and can really see myself pregnant and another day i am planning my next try.

I can see that this is how most people feel, but its hard to know how to feel.

You can always come and see us on the cycle buddies DEC/JAN for some moral support, as we are all getting excited/nervous/worried.

take care
sarah

 

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When you want something so much its hard to focus on anything other than the one thing you want the most, and its really difficult to plan anything because you don’t want to contemplate not achieving a positive result or even think of anything else.
Its really a personal thing I don’t think its being negative to look past the treatment, equally you don’t know how you are going to feel physically, mentally, emotionally whatever the results good or bad so sometimes it makes sense just taking each day as it comes.

I think its being sensible not to commit to something like a ski-ing holiday cos you seriously don’t know whether you  a)will be able to go if you are pregnant (hopefully)
b) whether you are going to feel up to going.  I also totally understand why you wouldn’t want to go to somewhere like Disneyland (Marielou) cos that’s like so in your face, all those children and ‘happy’ families.

When we started IVF (we had our first cycle in Sept/oct which failed). We said at the beginning we would have at least three goes, if the first one didn’t work we would get Christmas out of the way (and the first anniversary of my mums passing) go ski-ing and start in January. We also wanted to get married but didn’t want to book anything (cos if the first one worked I didn’t want to get married heavily pregnant), unfortunately I haven’t now got that problem so we are getting married in April cos even if we are successful in Jan/Feb I wont have too bigger belly!!
If we are not successful on our 2nd attempt our third one will be after our honeymoon in May, I haven’t got any more plans past that and I hope I don’t need them either.

By planning like this I don’t think I am being negative, I desperately hope I don’t have to do a third cycle and I go down the ‘aisle’ with my belly. 
I know it wont help me cope with a negative result, it didn’t help this time when the IVF didn’t work to think ‘ah well at least I am getting married’ I’d much rather buy a buggy than an engagement ring or chose maternity clothes rather than a wedding dress. But it has given me something else to think about in between treatmment and we are using the next few months as a time to do ‘normal’ things together, to come to terms with whats happened, to give my body a chance to recover (as I have suffered a big hormone imbalance following my first cycle which has been worse than the IVF itself) and also to do acupuncture this time and try to improve my diet.

There are other things that I cannot even consider thinking about at the moment, having a baby is my plan ‘a’, I don’t have a plan ‘b’ and as my DP says realistically I need to know I have given my pursuit for a family everything I have before I am able to even think of a plan ‘b’, I just hope I never have to.

Basically what I am trying to say is don’t be too hard on yourselves, if you feel you want to go for one treatment after another and not consider anything else then don’t examine if that’s the right or wrong approach, cos that’s the right approach for you and if people don’t understand that, then that’s tough , as long as you as a couple are happy with your decision or lack of them that’s all that matters. On the other hand you are definitely not sending out any negative thoughts, vibes if you do consider other plans, sometimes it may help.

How many times have people told you the story of the couple who tried for years to have a baby and then gave up and bought a new house, changed job, went away on holiday etc. and then got pregnant.  Who’s to say a similar thing cannot happen with people who go through IVF?

Anyway that’s my thoughts

Good luck to Marielou and all those starting a new cycle soon

Love

Croc
 

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Hiya!

It's a dilemma which we all know and share.  With it being Chamonix (I know it well) you could always go by train or drive, if you were successful and didn't want to fly in the first tri.  I know that skiing holidays can be fun without skiing (think of all that hot chocolate by the fire and the excuse to eat for two!!) so if I were you I'd do it.  I was in a very similar situation myself, thinking that our skiing holiday at Christmas would have to be a 'local' european destination so that we could go by train if I happened to be pg but as it turns out we have been messed about by the clinic and we aren't able to start tx until Jan - so we're off to the States for some serious skiing!!!!

Good luck! and enjoy the holiday....
Love Katie x
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks Katie and everyone

just to let you know, I had long chat with DH last night rambling on as I do about what if and what then.

As usual he was very sensible and said if we are lucky and its positive you can have lovely holiday being looked and taking it easy with your friends, if  we are not successful then it will be something for you to lose yourself in have a blast and enjoy yourself, and after last treatment you needed a holiday which you didn't take.

So suddenly it was easy and I have just booked my flights, and I am feeling very settled about it now.

thanks everyone DMK.
 
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