[TBW342]

Hi, I’ve just found out our original donor has changed her mind about donating again. We had two embryos created from the donor’s egg and my husband’s sperm. The first resulted in a chemical pregnancy and the second is our beautiful baby boy born in December. I asked if the donor would do it again and initially she said yes but has changed her mind now. I am devastated and desperately wanted to give our boy a sibling. I have just turned 48 so time isn’t on my side either. We tried unsuccessfully with my own eggs 6 times and I feel like I am back to square one now. It took me a while to come to terms with donor eggs and I’m so glad I did as I love my baby so much. But now it feels like having to start all over again, looking for another donor. Sorry for the ramble just really upset especially after she said she would do it. It’s almost worse than if she had said no in the first place.

I suppose my questions are does it matter if you have a different donor? What happens if they look nothing alike? (Everyone seems so obsessed with who my baby looks like. He is the image of his dad as it happens.) Does anyone have experience of something similar? We really would love another child to complete our family and give our baby a sibling but I’m torn by the fact that if we have another there would not be a full genetic link. My husband doesn’t see the issue as he says the end result is the same and I am not getting any emotional support from him for feeling upset and let down by this.

Wishing you all lots of luck in your journeys xxx

 

[K jade]

So sorry to hear this.
I'm facing similar . I used double donor and I have 1 frostie over in my czech clinic. I'm realistic about whether this will lead to my longed for sibling and debating the prospect of having to bring not just 1 but 2 more donors into it.
It's hard isn't it

I'll be honest and say as its 'just' the egg in your case. (Not meaning to sound crass at all and probably not putting this across very well.,)
But I'd be tempted to go for it with another donor.
If I was offered another embie with the same sperm and different egg I'd do it in a heart beat.
As ultimately they'd still share a genetic link from the sperm

I hope this helps and I hope u decide to go for it xx

 

[TBW342]

So sorry to hear this.
I'm facing similar . I used double donor and I have 1 frostie over in my czech clinic. I'm realistic about whether this will lead to my longed for sibling and debating the prospect of having to bring not just 1 but 2 more donors into it.
It's hard isn't it

I'll be honest and say as its 'just' the egg in your case. (Not meaning to sound crass at all and probably not putting this across very well.,)
But I'd be tempted to go for it with another donor.
If I was offered another embie with the same sperm and different egg I'd do it in a heart beat.
As ultimately they'd still share a genetic link from the sperm

I hope this helps and I hope u decide to go for it
[/QUOTE

So sorry to hear this.
I'm facing similar . I used double donor and I have 1 frostie over in my czech clinic. I'm realistic about whether this will lead to my longed for sibling and debating the prospect of having to bring not just 1 but 2 more donors into it.
It's hard isn't it

I'll be honest and say as its 'just' the egg in your case. (Not meaning to sound crass at all and probably not putting this across very well.,)
But I'd be tempted to go for it with another donor.
If I was offered another embie with the same sperm and different egg I'd do it in a heart beat.
As ultimately they'd still share a genetic link from the sperm

I hope this helps and I hope u decide to go for it xx

Thank you so much for your reply and kind words. I’m sorry you’re facing the same dilemma. I think you’re right as there will be the same genetic link from my husband if it works out. I suppose I just had my heart set on the same donor. I really hope your frostie works out for you. We also used a Czech clinic (Gennet). My husband says the end goal is to have another baby and sibling so I suppose I need to look at it like that.
Good luck on your journey and thank you so much for replying xx

 

[PDream1980]

How lovely you are thinking of having another . I agree with your husband and the end result is the same. I think I will be moving to donor egg (after been adamant at the start I wouldn’t ) . I believe it fate so I think fate is dictating you use a different donor . It’s meant to be that way so try not to be too disheartened . I have sneaky feeling when baby two is here you will adore them the same. You may also avoid the clash of full siblings as a lot of siblings fall out / not speak etc . Having full genetic dna I don’t think is a biggie x best of luck x

 

[TBW342]

How lovely you are thinking of having another . I agree with your husband and the end result is the same. I think I will be moving to donor egg (after been adamant at the start I wouldn’t ) . I believe it fate so I think fate is dictating you use a different donor . It’s meant to be that way so try not to be too disheartened . I have sneaky feeling when baby two is here you will adore them the same. You may also avoid the clash of full siblings as a lot of siblings fall out / not speak etc . Having full genetic dna I don’t think is a biggie x best of luck x

Thank you so much for your message and lovely words of reassurance. You’re right that I’m sure I would love a second as much as the first. I think part of it is I adore him so much that I want another just like him! I believe in fate too and whilst it was hard to come to the decision of using a donor I have no regrets at all. I would definitely recommend using a donor. For us it was the only way we could have a family. He is 100% my baby and couldn’t love him anymore if he was genetically mine. Wishing you lots of luck with your decision and journey xx

 

[PDream1980]

Thank you so much for your message and lovely words of reassurance. You’re right that I’m sure I would love a second as much as the first. I think part of it is I adore him so much that I want another just like him! I believe in fate too and whilst it was hard to come to the decision of using a donor I have no regrets at all. I would definitely recommend using a donor. For us it was the only way we could have a family. He is 100% my baby and couldn’t love him anymore if he was genetically mine. Wishing you lots of luck with your decision and journey xx

I’m so happy for you as I know the journey to get to where you are is one of the hardest. but once the decision is made to use donor egg and made peace with that then life can begin again ! I am going through 3 natural ivf cycles to try with my own eggs and that’s it . I’ve tried 2 medicated cycles before that and each time I stopped the drugs and needles as it felt completely like the wrong thing to be doing for me so twice I’ve Thrown the expensive meds in the bin and quit the cycle ! Partly due to having such low egg reserve and my age and feely like I was wasting my time And money . Then when I had a scan and they only picked up 1 decent follicle growing I thought what am I doing injecting myself for one follicle that I grow anyway !
I was adamant If it wasn’t my own egg then it meant no kids for me but the grief was immense and I did go through that , extremely painful grief , sobbing in fields looking at sun sets as I went for walks to try and get myself together . I’m glad I went through that to get where I am now which is to the point of I’m not that bothered if my eggs don’t work as I’m expecting them not too now and I know my plan b . It’s so lovely to hear the love for your child and then wanting another one . I believe god makes the soul/ the very essence of the child , all we are doing is creating the carriage to put that soul in .
Please update me on how your journey is going , I would love to know x x