Fertility Friends Support Forum banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
664 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am on a second cycle and having Ec tomorrow.  I'm so scared because after what happened to us last time, we have so many more hoops to jump through. I have about 11 follicles altogether, but some are too small, and one is too big, leaving me about 6 in the middle which will hopefully make it through fertilization.  But what if they don't?  Or what if they drain all my follicles and find them to be empty?  Or what if I have ovulated by accident?  I'm scared because the scan lady said my EC shold be last Tuesday, but the nurse said Friday.  Who is right?  What if they've left me too long?

Then I am having PGS because of what happened with our baby last time.  I may not even get that far though - what if I don't have any good enough to test on?  And then even if I do, what if they all come back abnormal and there's nothing for ET?  The next few days feel like a torturous path I just don't want to travel down, and that's before even considering getting onto a 2WW.  I feel torn up with anxiety - there's so much at stake.  And as usual I am surrounded by people who get pregnant without really trying.  One 40 year old colleague told me 2 months ago she was thinking about trying for a second child but didn't want to try consciously in case she failed.  She's now revealed she is 3 and a half months pregnant.  Happy for her, but gutted to see her already sticky out tum.  I just feel like lining up everyone I know and saying, please, just let me try and catch up.

In my heart I know this cycle is going to fail.  why would it work after last time?  Why am I even trying it again?  Just setting myself up for a massive fall.  I have eggs, but think they're all crap.  I just feel like I'm on this precipise and the only way is down.  I want to go home and forget all about having a baby, it's just too painful but it's now too late, I have to go to hospital tomorrow and start the inevitable rollercoaster of waiting for phonecalls with bad or good news.

I hate the fact IVF is so bloody hit and miss, there's no clear answer, and we just have to try and be strong and go through this misery again and again.

Sorry having a right old moan.  But just feel so down about my chances.

Laura   

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
181 Posts
Hi Laura,
Sorry you are feeling so down at the moment, but don't give up hope yet. I felt like you a week or so ago as things weren't going well again and I think we get tired and drugged up so aren't feeling ourselves anyway. As you can see from my profile I only had one follicle, thankfully one egg turned into one embie and am on day 1 of 2ww. After my setbacks through the long process since march I started to just think about one step at a time instead of the end outcome which hashelped. Try not to worry about what's to come, you have follicles and produced eggs before so go tommorow for EC with hope, wait and see what happens and then think about the next stage. Good luck, hope things work out well for you,
                                                                            Ally
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
664 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks Ally

You're right - my counsellor also tells me just to see a day at a time, but ut's hard sometimes and occassionally I peer into the distance and it all seems so difficult.  Once I get the next few days over with, we will know what we're dealing with.  The not knowing is just so overwhelming sometimes. 

It's hard to feel anything but negative for myself, but easy to feel really upbeat for others and taht helps too.  It's wonderful that your one egg fertlized and now you're on the 2WW.  You must be very relieved to have reached this part.  Please post to let me know your result - it only takes one embie as everyone always says.  I will be hoping for you. 

x
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,096 Posts
Hello Laura

^hugme^. Its an incredibly stressful time full of so many 'ifs and buts'.
I know its tough but I think you really can only take it one step at a time and keep fingers crossed for each part of the process. Try and keep faith in your clinic and their timings.

GOOD LUCK for EC tomorrow  ^reiki^ :-* ^reiki^ :-*

Emma xx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,729 Posts
oh laura honey  ^eyes^

i didn't want to read and run so thought id offer you a hug ^hugme^

your hormones will be all over the place my lovely however can totally understand why you are feeling so anxious about egg collection and this cycle after the sad end to your last cycle  :'(

just try to take each day as it comes like your councellor has said, there is no reason why this cycle will end in a bfn, so you must believe your body can do it and keep hold of the embies

some one recently said to me when i was very wobbly 'you have to be in it to win it!' which is so true, you can do and will do it  ^pray^

sending you tonnes of love and luck for tmrw  ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^

love
Suze xx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
181 Posts
Thanks for the good wishes. I have had really bad spells too, try not to be hard on yourself it's ok to feel bad and be upset. I think a lot of us feel we should be able to carry on as normal as well as having tx and in my experience it just doesn't work, you need time to deal with the physical effects and emotional stress and don't feel gulity about it. It is hard and it is a rollercoaster, so try and stay as calm as you can, grit your teeth, hold on tight for the scary bits and look forward to the good bits. Best of luck for your EC . ^pray^ it all goes well for you,
                       
                                                                        Ally
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,096 Posts
Hello Ally

You're right - there can be pressure to carry on like nothing is happening. And that isn't the case. Of course, for some people it helps them to cope by doing that, but it IS a big deal.

Take care

Emma xxxx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
664 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Hi girls

I wanted to say that I got 8 eggs - it's not brilliant as that means about half my follicles were empty, but at last 8 is a good starting point and I am not complaining - i'm lucky to get this far.  Now I am going mad with worry waiting for the clinic to call to tell me if any have fertilized.  I am literally just staring at the phone waiting for it to ring!  Seriously I don't know how we all get through this whole process, it's so stressful.

Good luck to all of you too.

Laura
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,096 Posts
Well done Laura  ;D

Thats another step out the way  ;)

Emma x
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top