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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello ladies,

I've been away for 18 months as we've had a big break from IVF and fertility. I've had surgery to remove a load of adhesions and the good news is there was no endo found. Hurrah!

We talked about fertility and basically it isn't good news. My highest FSH reading was 14.2 and although I've had a subsequent reading of 9.8 she's said that the highest one is the most accurate and indicative of how many eggs I'll produce.

I've had 3 rounds so far. The first time I had 6 eggs and 4 embies, the second gave 4 eggs and three embies, and the last gave 3 eggs and two embies. Since then we've had an 18 month break so I'm worried my FSH will have shot up further and I won't get any eggs at all.

She wants me to have my FSH retested and to get my AMH tested which I've not had done before. She's said that will give us a good idea of whats going on, but even if they come back as good then she wopuld still advise caution before having a fourth round.

So, the next step may well be donor. My sister, who is 23, single and childless, is willing to donate eggs so we discussed that. There's the fact she's so young and doens't have children but at the moment she doesn't want them so I'd be waiting a long time for her to have them! She said they'd be some concerns that she'd have a genetic child when she doesn't have her own but we have a bit of an odd take on it. We're genetically half sisters and have a half brother (all three of us have the same mum but different fathers) but we feel and treat each other as full siblings. My brother also has two other half siblings and doesn't count them as anything as they don't see each other. Basically, gentics aren't a really the big deal. The gynae said that it sounds like it could be possible.

We've also got our one frostie in the freezer and she's suggested we could have a natural cycle using it.

So we have some options. I'd really like some feedback/advice etc especially about what you think about having a final go at using my own eggs. I'm in two minds. I feel like we will always wonder if we don't try again, biut finding another £5,000 for something that has very little chance of success is scary. My aim is to have a baby, and what the genetics are doesn't worry me. I worry about putting my sister through donating, and I do feel like I've let my husband down.

I'm so mixed up emotionally I can't even begin to put it down in words. For now, focussing on the practical aspects is helping to get me through.

Thanks so much for reading.

63 Posts
Dear pinkcarys.
Firstly can i say that you absolutely have not let anybody down. This is not something within your control at all and it certainly is no one's fault  ^hugme^
You sound at a very similar crossroads to myself. You'll see my profile history but basically have had a few years of fertility treatment, 3 failed IVF cycles and a number of chemical pregnancies/miscarriages. My FSH to date has been below 10 but following my last failed cycle in Dec 10 i had my AMH tested and was devastated to be told it was v low and that donor eggs was the best option. This came pretty much out of the blue and has left us a bit shell shocked. I now feel trapped between being unable to maintain a pregnancy and a low AMH!
Like you I am struggling with the decision here and have been trying to process it for several months. I feel exactly the same - that i don't want to regret any decisions. It really can feel overwhelming. Again like you i just want to be a mum and the further down this road you travel the biology starts to feel less relevant so i think we would accept donor if there were no other options available and we have also discussed adoption. However whilst its easy to say these things  it feels a very big decision to close the door on my own eggs.
I think ultimately you have to go with your gut feel and my philosophy is that i don't want any regrets. So for that reason we have moved clinics to one of those with higher success rates and are giving my own eggs one last shot. That way, if it doesn't work, i feel i can walk away with the knowledge i tried everything and i hope with no regrets. I feel i need to do this to embark on an alternative option positively. I've also battled with the finance side but am thinking that if we decide this is our last shot we have to accept the expense and then move on if it doesn't work. I have also arranged some counselling to hopefully help me with my feelings and decisions as i have also felt very confused recently and struggled emotionally. We are only human after all and these are really tough decisions we are being faced with.
In terms of donor eggs and your sister i would say that perhaps some counselling to talk through the implications and your emotions would help however it is positive that you have someone in your life who may be willing to help you. I would also say take your time processing all these emotions and talk them through with your DH, friends, people on here to lead you to the right decision for you. Whichever route you choose will be the right one for you in the end i am sure. My acupuncturist always tells me its good to have options, although the downside to that is decisions of course! But as you say you do have options so just take your time.  :)
Not sure if any of that was helpful but just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that there are others out here feeling similar.
Nic xxx
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