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Hi ladies

Sorry not been around much last few days...well looks like 4th cycle didn't work as I came on this morning...so onto the 5th round of the loopy pills tomorrow.

I'm feeling pretty despondent cos I ovulate naturally & am releasing 2 eggs every month but just not happening...I know we can "do" it cos had 2 early mc's this year (before clomid) but I have implantation problems (uterine adhesions due to bicornuate uterus, as well as blood clotting disorder)...it just won't stick ^eyes^

We were only going to have 3mths on clomid to boost things but decided to go for another 3mths...I've now got 2mths left & I'm getting nervous/anxious at the prospect of IVF...never really thought it would come to that if I'm honest. IUI isn't an option cos I've damaged tubes so if not pg by end of year we'll start IVF in January (we're going private as don't wanna wait to get to top of 2 yr wait list on NHS)...I'll be 37 in January.

And then to top it all...went round to my very close friends on Friday night (mum of my god-daugher & partner of my DP's best friend)...and she tells me she's 11 weeks pregnant...actually I love her to bits cos she burst into tears before she could get it out, gave me huge hugs & just kept saying she was so sorry & was scared of telling me...she'd been hoping I would tell her some good news before she shared hers & had been praying each month that we could be "in it" together. She hadn't exactly told me they were trying again but she had always said that they would once Izzy was 2 & about to start nursery so kinda knew it was imminent. Obviously I'm really happy for her, she's one of my closest friends, but it hurts so much as I just don't know what I'm doing wrong that it won't stick for me ^eyes^

So what with my nan being very ill, poxy AF arriving & my friends news I've not been best company this weekend...and me & DP have been at each others throats too so have had puffy eyes most of the weekend (not an attractive look ^eyes^ )...me & Gareth friends again now but I still feel sh!te !!

Anyway, sorry for the complete whinge on a Monday morning...I just wanna go home & not be stuck in an office with everyone...

Take care
Natasha
 

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Hi

I know I can't help but just wanted to let you know I am sorry the witch got you today and hope you feel better soon.  Why is life so unfair ?

At least you and DH are OK now......

Take it easy and hope tomorrow seems a brighter day - good luck.


Sarah
XXXXXX
 

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Awwww hunny I'm so sorry  ^hugme^
sorry this is only a quick one, I need to get some work done.  Just wanted to send you lots of love and hugs.  I know what you mean, I only have 4 months out of 12 months of clomid left after this month and i can't beleive that the next step is so huge.  You will feel down for a day or two but like always will pick yourself up like we always some how manage to do.  xxxxx
 

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Ohhh No! Natasha you poor thing.  :'(

I've been wondering how it was going, didn't wanna keep hassling you by text.
I'm so sorry it hasn't happened this month. I can't understand it, as you say, you ovulate ok and getting that 'boost' you would think it would help  ::)

I know it's hard, but please don't give up yet, you have 2 more months on Clomid and then some other options  :)

Sorry that your Nan is still so poorly too  :(

I think my endo is returning, got cramping etc (randomly now) which is worrying me re: chances of TTC. I think we are probably both worried about our ages (im 36 next month), but lots of older ladies do concieve, so we've got to try and keep +ve.

Thinking of you and sending you BIG BIG HUGS!!!!!

Take care.  Jo xxx

PS. Things can only get better  :)
 

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Hi Minxy,
Sorry the wicked witch got you-
^hugme^

Its dreadful isnt it ,i find the hardest days are the ones a few days before AF when you are analysing every goddamm twing....is it -isnt it....
and i know what you mean about being despondent ..i was utterly convinced at the start of my 6month courses of clomid that i would happily be pregnant by now!!If you mentioned IVF to me a year ago i would have turned on my heels but now I think it is going to be the only route for us or the chinese baby shop.

it really is sods law-Like you ,its terrible everyone around me is either announcing that their pregnant[and at the drop of a hat at that!]or are about to give birth
How is your acupuncture going ?I went this morning- 4thsession-apparently i am yang deficient??? Mind you all the relaxing good was cancelled out when i discovered that all the trains home again were cancelled ^furios^ -4th monday in a row that has happened !

Hope you feel better soon
Take care
Vickilouxxx
 

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Hi Minxy

Oh Hun, Im so sorry to hear that you are having a down day today but with what your going through its no surprise.

Like you, age is a worry for me, Im 35 next week and I have 4 months left of Clomid (which makes 15 months in total on Clomid).  I cant afford private treatment so have to put all my faith in the NHS waiting times which is hard.

To top it off, my sister has 5 children and had to be sterilised after her 5th to stop her having any more babies as she is super fertile!  How can life be so cruel?  Even her 15yr old daughter has offered me her eggs or to carry a baby for me - what can you say to that?

I have a friend to who had been ttc for years and who finally fell PG in March.  She is expecting twin boys now.  At first I was so upset, why cant that be me I kept thinking, but then I looked at her as inspiration that it can and will happen for me.

Keep in your mind that there is nothing that you are doing wrong.  Mother nature is cruel and its hard not to blame yourself - if only I hadnt eaten this, or got drunk last weekend or whatever.  The truth is, our bodies are complete mysteries even to the doctors and consultants!

You WILL get pregnant again, you WILL have that longed for baby, you are NOT doing anything wrong.  Try and stay positive in the face of adversity!  Dont lose hope, never lose hope.

Actually here is a story that might help.  The friend of mine who is PG with twins now told me this. She was chatting to a lady on one of these type of forums who had been ttc#1 for 20 years!  yes 20!  she was a very religious person and felt her heart could just not take it any more and prayed for the desire to have a baby to leave her as she just couldnt cope with getting BFN month in month out any more, but felt she couldnt move on.  Anyway, about 6 months or so later this lady miraculously, against the odds, conceived her first child and gave birth to a healthy baby 9 months later.  Her thoughts on this matter?  The desire to have a baby was never taken away as she was meant to have a baby and it would happen eventually given time.  

I dont know if that helps but it certainly gives me hope when I hear about people conceiving against the odds.

You take care now and dont feel bad for having a low day, you need to allow yourself the room to cry and get angry and get it out your system so you can wake up the next day and feel strong enough to face the challenge ahead.

Sending you a big  ^Cuddle^ and lots of  ^fairydust^ .  It will happen for you  :)

Hugs

Witchie Poo Cat
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you ladies so much...don't know what I'd do without you...I really appreciate all your kind words & thoughts ^hugme^

Although I've just burst into tears at my desk :'( :'( Another very good friend has just phoned me to say she is 14wks pg....it's just not my day...think I'm gonna go home early as can't be sitting crying here in front of everyone...and they're guys who don't know how to deal with it !!! (I think I need to invest in some waterproof mascara as I look like a panda !)

Anyway, thanks again...
Take care
Natasha

 

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oh god what a day you are having, get yourself home to the comfort of your home hunny  ^hugme^ xxx
 

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Oh Dear Natasha, what a horrendous day you are having! Unbelievable!  ::)

If I were you I would go home early and go pamper yourself loads tonight - get G to do the cooking or get a nice take-away as a treat  :)

Thinking of you.  Jo xxxx
 

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Natasha Hunny  ^Cuddle^

I am really sorry your having a bad time of it lately,its terrible when all the people around you get pg,it feels like the end of the world,I really hope you get your much deserved bfp very soon.

I know where your coming from when you said you hadnt expected to get this far and have to think about IVF,think thats our next step and know I know more about it I cant wait to get started.there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and with every stage you pass you are on step closer to your dream.

Thinking of you loads :-*

Kelly x
 

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Hi Natasha,

I am so sorry that you are having a bad day  ^Cuddle^

I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better!!  But all I can say is that you are not alone and we understand your pain but we have to keep positive and believe that it will happen for us.

I am sending you loads of  ^reiki^ ^reiki^ for this cycle to be the one  ^BFP^.

Pamper yourself, you deserve it.

Take care

Love Tracyxx
 

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Hi Natasha

Just a quick 'thinking of you' hug. The world is so cruel, especially when you have to see those close to you having babies, without any problem. This is very hard to deal with, I know how you feel.
 

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Sorry Natasha to see  ^witch^ has made her appearance.

Fingers crossed your next  ^2ww^ will have more positive news for you.

I can't imagine how you must be feeling - time to dig out the choccy! (my fail safe cure to bring a  :) back to my face!)

^hugme^

S
xx
 
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