[irisheyes]

Hi guys,

had my 2nd failed iui at start of week. We said wouldnt go for another. Not planning any treatment at mo.Was sad when af came but now feeling very empty.Find the brighter evenings very long- sometimes Winter is good as you can just hide away.Everyone else seems to be enjoying spring but cant seem to pick myself up. Dh and I havent really discussed anything since got BFN on monday.Any ideas for filling the days

 

[Dydie]

Hi Irisheyes (& also for NikkiUK)
I am sorry you are feeling so low, but it is only natural, this is a grieving process and you will find that you have to go through the various emotions before you can move on, that is going to include sadness, self pity, jealousy, and anger, filling your days is something which only you can make yourself do, if there is anything you enjoy try doing it, but try not to be alone too much, you really really need to speak to your dh, it is early days and men tend to give us space because they don't really know what to do for the best, they don't understand how we are feeling but likewise we don't understand them either, you need to communicate, to try and do things together which you both enjoy, I know that both of you are saying you have had enough and don't want to try anymore, I feel from the anger in how you have both said this that niether of you are really ready to quit on your dreams just yet, so it's going to take a bit longer, so it's probably going to cost a bit more money, I am not rich but I have learnt to put my own (& my dh's) priority's first, you need some healing time, but you also both need really big hugs from your partners, you need to be honest with them how you are feeling, and be honest with yourselves, are you really ready to quit, or are you just fed up and scared to put yourself up for more failure?
We all know how you are feeling, christ knows Nikki certainly knew how I was feeling last week and she helped me to see the light again, I wish I could take away your pain, but I can tell you from experience that in a few days time the light will begin seeping through again and you will then be in a better frame of mind to view the future with an open heart
Take care both of you
Dydie xxxxxxxx

 

[irisheyes]

thanx Dydie,will think carefully and try and work out what to do for the best. Might go out for tea tonite- take it from there.

 

[sally75]

Hi Irish Eyes
just try to be really kind to yourself.  Dydie is right you must look after each other.  It helps if you can think about doing at least one thing every day that you used to enjoy.  Even if it only lasts 5 minutes.  Put hand cream on, stand out in the garden, whatever makes you feel that you are caring about yourself, just for a few minutes a day.
Take good care of yourself
Sally

 

[bigJ]

Hi Irish eyes

our first IUI was negative  , I hadn't realised just how much I'd "put my faith in science" until it happened. Dh had had a vasectomy reversal that was successful and only had to have a sperm "prep" made - hence the IUI.  I was shocked  when I only produced one follicle under meds - and that was empty so no egg.  I carried on working and basically became a head in the sand workaholic  .  DH didn't know how to approach me and it went on and on, it's taken 2 years to get to the stage we are now (IVF/Deggs).  All to underpin what Dydie said - talk about it, and if you don't want dh to take the whole load, a counsellor can be really helpful (I've been in therapy now for 1.5 years, but I'm lucky as In Germany this is covered very well by the medical system).

I am starting to get quite anxious about our appt in Barcelona in April now, the Donor egg thing is sinking in, and it's becoming real (gave up smoking/drinking etc)..today I cleaned out my whole wardrobe (I was also a clothesaholic), the day before I even cleaned out the cupboard under the sink  - now that is sad!  But I feel better for it!

Maybe we should have a thread about "filling the days" like keep this one going? I am sure we all have our own way of doing this..

LOve from snowy Germany Jools