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A friend has come out of the woodwork expressing an interest in being my sprm donor. We are not close, particularly, but friends. I know his sister and her kids. I know his ex and ger kids and his current partnere ot 8 years. I also know his brother and his mum, so there's a heap of family there to connect with, not for support really, but my big issue with going to use unknown sperm is there being no reference point for the child or where it fits in in this world.

MY first thought was " ...er..you?" but then I thought about it overnite and decided that if my big prob was there being no reference point then  I should be overjoyed that this issue could be taken away.

He is 47, smoke alot and has done plenty of psychedelic drugs and others in his life. never an addict just a party man (was a DJ for years) I am nearly 43 hoping to use my own eggs. Will his sperm be good enough?

Your thought please....
 

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I can see that this may get moved across to the donor eggs/sperm section, but while you're here I thought I'd say hi.

A few blood tests and a simple sperm analysis will let you know whether or not he is medically suitable. As for what the situation will mean for you, I think you just need to have a good think about what would be the ideal situation for you and any child conceived as there is a huge scale from total anonymity to father figure, and knowing where you fall in between is pretty important. There will most likely be counselling for you both before starting any treatment though so these issues should be covered, and before anything got going you would know you were both on the same page.

Just keep talking to each other, and if its sounding like a good idea, then get some tests done

Good luck and best wishes

Keri -x-
 

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Hi there!  If you decide for this man to be your sperm doner, maybe speak with the IVF clinic first and tell them about this to see what they think.  The clinic will do all of the tests first to see if his sperm is of good quality!

Good luck hun!
 

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I would tell the clinic he has offered, get his sperm and sexual helath checks and then he'd have to go through the counsellor session.  I had an offer from another friend- stunning looking gay man- but again his recreational drug use put me off, and also he wanted to co parent and he is not from the UK - so I could foresee problems.

I chose to go with another gay man, and then clean living non smoker everything perfect and it turns out he had a low sperm count but I chose him for his qualities and we had ICSI.

Also you need to quarantine known donors sperm for 6 months adn you must use frozen- in reality it takes a bit longer- as you have to arrange you appts, he have his bloods, deposit the sperm in the bank and then he has to donate a few times and have bloods done six months after the last deposit.

What are this man's motives?  Would he be prepared to make lifestyle changes for your sperm.  My donor joined a gym, never smoked, cut down drinking and never drunk for weeks on end, abstained from sex for the precedding days, had accupuncture and burning therapy on his back!! took bucket loads of Chinese meds and organic food. 

Good luck
L
 
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