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Hi
I am finding things difficult to cope with recently - I have been TTC for 4 years and have had three cycles of IVF including one miscarraige. All of my friends are having babies and I feel very alienated. I feel like I just want to shut myself away and not have anything to do with them and am feeling very bitter. My hubbie is also finding things difficult. He went to the docs and has been given some info about counselling - I just wondered what anyone else's expereinces of this were. It is not practical for us to see the councellor at our clinic as this is a two hour drive away and we have not been there since our last failed IVF in september. I'd also be grateful for any info about costs etc.
Thanks Pip
 

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Havent been honey but know people who have for various things in their lives and they feel it has helped. At the end of the day its a personal thing but if you feel it will help go for it honey. IF is really hard on our lives hang in there honey.

whippet x
 

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I go to one after my 4th IVF failure it is in North London and 50 pounds an hour recommended by the clinic. I did book for Zita West and they charge 110 pounds an hour.  I have been for an odd session before as it was included in the IVF package.

I am giving it a go as I think it can't do any harm!
L x
 

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Hi Pip

Normally I can leave a link for people to find a counsellor in their area but I notice you're in New Zealand and I'm afraid I don't have any contacts there! ;)  The £50 per hour JJ1 quotes is quite high and will relate to her being in the Capital generally elsewhere in the UK you can expect to pay around £35-£40 per hour tops.

Counselling is a personal thing, some people swear by it and think it really helps and others think it's rubbish.  However in my experience (18 years as a counsellor) the ones who think it's rubbish are generally the ones who leave before they've gained any benefit or who just don't "gel" with their counsellor.  The thing with counselling is, you do tend to go through periods where the sessions are harder before they get easier, this is because you are discussing and facing up to things which are difficult to face.  This is a necessary process and your counsellor will support you through that process.  I guess what I'm saying (rambling a bit it's early sorry) is that if you're going to do it you really have to be prepared to give it 6 sessions minimum in order to see any real benefit.

^goodluck^ and I hope you start to feel better soon.

Axxxx
 

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Hi Pip,

I'm so sorry that you're still trying after 4 years.  Dh and I have been trying for our second child since March 2007 (3 failed FETs and 1 IVF).  We switched clinics back in November and now it's been a waiting game of testing, waiting for results, treatment and now for AF to continue.  The stress of it all has been very hard on our marriage and dh was even ready to walk out on me.  The thing with us is that we deal with BFNs and wondering if it'll ever happen for us again VERY differently, so we've been goign to marriage councelling since last fall.  We discuss all relationship stuff but infertility and ivf is talked about everytime.  It's actually really helped us (we'll be celebrating our 7th anniversary next month and know that we'll be celebrating many more).  It's helped us understand how each other deals with it and dh has been much more sensitive to my feelings (he takes the attitude 'what will be will be' and our failured attempts really affect me).  It's really worth doing.  Good luck
PS - One thing to say too is that I've always been so against councelling so it's a lot for me to say that it's helped.
 

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Hi,

I only had counselling when we were going for donor eggs in the UK - I found it awful!  I think it was because the bloke was v pretentious & I just took an instant dislike to him!

What I have found is that, although I went through a truly awful stage where I hated all pregnant women/all babies/ anyone who was "planning" to have kids, etc, etc...I have come out the other side.

I have now accepted that it might actually never happen & that what will happen is that we will just carry on our lives ... nothing awful will actually happen...it will just be more of what we have now.

I know this is not really what you want to hear but I do think it's important to realise that even people, who like me were suicidal about IF, can actually overcome the negative feelings.

I think I just decided one day that all the angry feelings were making me a very bitter, sour person (& it was giving me wrinkles!!! :eek: ;D) & that I would lose all my friends if I kept making excuses not to see them & their scabby kids!

I only agreed to meet them on neutral ground to start with & made sure I told them how difficult it was for me - they were fab & just pleased to see me again!

After I'd done it a few times it was sort of a healing process...it doesn't bother me too much now but it has been a conscious decision to feel like that & it didn't happen over night!  And I REALLY wanted not to feel so bitter!

I also had acupuncture & various hypnotherapy stuff at about the same time ... it helped me to feel calmer.

I guess each to their own ... I would try counselling but be prepared to have to try a few different counsellors...some are just  ^idiot^ ;D

Good luck!  You WILL get there.

Love Jess xxx
 

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Hey Pip,
How's NZ?
Just wanted to pop in and mention that I have decided to have counselling this time.
It has thrown up a lot of 'issues' that I still have from childhood, and though it is difficult to face these, I think it is important as it helps to realise why I feel like I do, and how I am reacting to this IF journey.
My counsellor explained that we are all a product of our experiences to date, and if you imagine yourself as a pyramid, with your childhood as the bottom layer. Then if you don't have a strong base layer, you will be more susceptible to having a few wobbles!!! Everyone reacts differently to things, and this is why.
I'm sorry I don't seem to be able to articulate what I mean very well, but it made so much sense when she said it!!  ::)

Basically, I don't think it can do any harm.

Lot's of love,

Cindersxxx
 
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