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Am I allowed to sound off on here?  Only, there's something that's really beginning to get me down and I just thought that if anyone else has had this kind of experience it it will help them to know they're not alone and if they reply to this post it'll help me to know they're out there and all!

Ok, this is my first pregnancy and I'm on the cusp of week 42, with an induction booked for Wednesday and yeh, I'm nervous.  I've never done this before and now it looks like I may have to do something which is already difficult in what is, reputedly, a fairly grim manner.

That said, the way I see it, there's no point my crying or railing or struggling because that's a waste of energy, energy I'm going to need.  My little one is going to arrive soon.  Labour varies from woman to woman but the odds are, it is going to smart a tad and furthermore, in the days and weeks afterwards my world is going to turn upside down - in a hard way, yes but also in a good way.  If he doesn't engage and arrive before Wednesday, it's going to hurt more than ordinary labour.  The only good thing is, this being my first, at least I won't really know... and at the end I'll get most of my body back and I'll finally get to meet the little blighter! 

Well, when people ask me how I feel and I tell them that, I could really do with just being jollied along or reassured - honesty is not a problem, telling me yes it hurt like hell but all things must pass is ok - and most people do just that, or say nothing.  But there's another element, among my friends who already have children, who seem to think that making me as frightened as they can is a helpful and constructive thing to do.  Why please?  We all know that one of the secrets to a good labour is to be as calm and relaxed as possible.  These people are supposed to like and respect me so how do they believe putting me into a blue funk is likely to improve the experience?

When I tell them I'm just going to do the best I can they ask me if I fully appreciate how difficult it's going to be or how much agony I will be in, whether I realise how important it is that I somehow force the baby to come before the hospital steps in.  When I say the DH and I will muddle through they ask me if I understand just what I've done to my life an my marriage?  What do they think I am?  Stupid?  I'm a first time mum after 12 years of marriage at almost 40, do they really think we haven't had time to think it through?

I know when you're pregnant everyone thinks they own you, I know you are far less likely to be treated with courtesy by people you don't know, to be offered a seat on a bus or served first in a shop than if you are say, on crutches (I have done both).  Those are strangers, though.  These are my friends.  Is it me?  Am I too naive or too laid back?  Or is it them?  What the f*** is going on? 

The worst thing is, it's quite hurtful and it's getting to me... and I really don't need that kind of thing right now. So... 'anyone else had to put up with any of this kind of shadenfreude?  It's like they think they had a crap time and now they want to make sure I do. 

Sighs.  There we go.  Rant over.  Any advice for coping, thoughts, suggestions gratefully received...

Cheers

BC
 

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Once it's all over tell them it was a piece of cake and you don't know what they were on about  ;)  ???  ;D  ;D

But seriously hun, some people just need a good  ^bigbad^  especially at a time when you need support from them.  I was induced at almost 42 weeks too as DS was refusing to budge so I know exactly how you feel.  My advice is to stay calm, you will be in the best hands if you do end up being induced and just take each stage as it comes.  It will probably hurt at some point but that is what pain relief is for, it will probably be long and boring so be prepared with some music, books or whatever might help to take your mind of the early stages and most of all, keep the end goal in sight.  All I asked of my midwives etc was that they kept me informed and told me the truth and didn't do stuff without telling me why first as I thought I would get panicked if they started doing things I wasn't expecting.  I ended up with a section but by that point I was calm and collected and knew that everything had been tried to get DS out (has his dad's big head!) so I was ready for it.  Don't let your 'friends' panic you with their stories, everyone is different as is each labour and delivery.  Anything you experience beforehand will melt away into oblivion when you have your little one in your arms - to this day I remember all the gory details but none of the pain as it all sits in my memory like a beautiful haze that ended with my DS  :)

I think the bottom line is that everyone is proud of their birth story in their own little way because of the sense of achievement it brings and all the emotions that come with it but some chose to boast about it more than others  ???  ( I am sure I have been guilty of it at times too  :-[  :-\)

I am not sure I have helped very much with my reply  :-\ but I just wanted to wish you the very best of luck with the forthcoming arrival, no matter how it happens  ^hugme^  :-*  It really is the best thing in the world so enjoy every moment (that probably sounds quite perverse but you will see what I mean  :-*)

Fluffs xxx
 

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Hi,

First of all, GOOD LUCK with the labour & also, good luck with the first days with your baby! I'm sure everything will be fine & you'll cope brilliantly.

Second. I want to say I sympathize with what you've experienced. I too have had some similar comments from a couple of friends, though not about labour (YET). Here's what happened: I was telling a friend who had her baby in March that I'm so looking forward to meeting my baby (due in July) & that I'm also dying to get my old body back, since at this late point in pregnancy (as we all know) moving around is harder & harder, & it becomes very uncomfortable. Instead of just nodding or agreeing with what I was saying- after all, I was just needing some acknowledgment of my experience- she replied: 'but you do realize that afterwards, when the baby comes, it'll be MUCH, MUCH harder?' When I replied 'but at this point I just really want that change, and I look forward to meeting the baby & sleeping on my stomach etc' she went on & on about how horribly hard it is afterwards, and how she wishes she'd been told before, and that's why she was telling me. I mean, ok, she's a very good friend & I know for a fact she meant no harm, that she was just trying to express to me what she herself went through. But still, when someone (like us) has labour looming in front of them, plus the discomfort of late pregnancy, surely we're entitled to a bit of wishing & hoping for the stage that comes after?! It's like people feel the need to say: 'well, you have it hard, BUT I HAVE IT HARDER'. I don't appreciate that kind of comment, even when it comes from close friends who are otherwise very helpful...
 

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Hi BC and  ^hugme^ for you!

"scaremongery" what a good word for it!

My sister (6 yrs my senior and with 2 teenage children) spent the vast majority of my pregnancy telling me how awful labour would be, how 'exposed' I would feel, how much agony I'd be in and how dreadful it would be after giving birth with 'terrible' blood loss and other such hideous problems.

She drove me MAD!

Labour is painful, there's no denying it but you cope! When you go into labour you don't run round the house screaming with fear you just kind of get on with it and when you arrive at the hospital the staff are fully trained to help you manage what is happening to you and I'll bet that you won't even think about what's actually going on, you'll take it moment to moment. Hell I still found time to make a few jokes right up to the bitter end and he was a 10lb 7oz whopper (delivered 'normally' - much to my sister's disbelief!) I also had a few complications after W was born and was taken to theatre but do I even think about that now? No! Not at all!

I hate to say this though, worse is yet to come 'cos if your friends are anything like my sister the persistent advice on what to do with your baby, how to feed your baby, how to shorten your baby's name (I find that SO annoying  :mad: ), how to dress your baby .... (do you get the picture?!) will be flowing thick and fast. I am learning to ignore her but some times you just want to tell them to b*gger off!!!

Very best of luck to you for a lovely labour and enjoy meeting your little one, it'll be wonderful (and what ever happens just tell them you gave one little push and "POP!" out he / she came) oh and another thing ... yes it's hard when the baby is home and your just living one day to the next but it gets easier with every week and lets face it it's the best hard work you could ever do! Enjoy!

B xx :-*

 

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Scaremongering friends?? I had TWO scaremongering sisters!!  ;D ;D

They both had LO's already and were preggy at the same time as me. Bout a month seperated each of our due dates. One had a very scarey very quick labour and the other had a very long labour for their firsts. I had no idea where I was going to fall.

One sis went into labour very quickly and spent the first part of it on her hands and knees crawling round the dining room. She delivered her 2nd daughter after 1hr45mins. The other, was a nice and relaxed 7hrs. No tears for either of them.

I got the labour I wanted - waterbirth. A nice respectable 6hrs from start to finish. So, I was in the middle!!  ;D ;D ;D In fact, they were jealous of MY labour!!  ;D ;D ;D But, I had had all the scary stories etc from them beforehand. And the moaning about how tired, sore etc they were.

My best advice is to take it all with a pinch of salt. No-one can tell you what kind of labour you are going to have. I did end up with a tear (NOT on my birthplan!!) but that was cos I didn't listen to the mw who had spent the whole of my labour telling me to follow my body only to then tell me to ignore it!!  ;D ;D ;D

Listen to the mw and you will have a lovely experience. You are getting your heart's desire at the end of it. Life, and experiences, are what you make them.

Good luck!!
 

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Hi

It might be a blessing having all this scaremongering. There's a view that the more prepared you are of all the pain, the easier you find it. I went in to my first labour quite nonchalant and had a horrible time. I then spent a lot of my second pregnancy scared of going through it all again and had a lovely labour. Yes, it hurt, but the euphoria of it all really was worth it. I look back on it as a wonderful experience and am almost itching to do it all again. ^idiot^

❁BG2007❁ said:
Labour is painful, there's no denying it but you cope! When you go into labour you don't run round the house screaming with fear you just kind of get on with it and when you arrive at the hospital the staff are fully trained to help you manage what is happening to you and I'll bet that you won't even think about what's actually going on, you'll take it moment to moment.

I hate to say this though, worse is yet to come 'cos if your friends are anything like my sister the persistent advice on what to do with your baby, how to feed your baby, how to shorten your baby's name (I find that SO annoying :mad: ), how to dress your baby .... (do you get the picture?!) will be flowing thick and fast. I am learning to ignore her but some times you just want to tell them to b*gger off!!!
Very true on both counts.. When the time comes, your brain switches in to some 'labour-mode' and you just get on with it. As for the well meaning tips and family members who think they can solve every problem by simply turning up... ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^ This is where taking a deep breath and grinning and bearing it is harder than doing the same thing in labour! ;D

Being a parent is such hard work and changes your life in ways you'll never understand. It's also the best thing you'll ever do - even the labour. The rewards completely outweigh the hard work and as for that baby smile.. oh my word, you'd do it all again in a flash for one of those. ^DizzyLove^

If you're not already in the throws of it all now.. good luck for Weds. If you can, cherish every moment, even the labour...you've gone a long way to get where you are now, make the most of it all. :)

Claire
x
 
G

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I was induced with our twins at 38 weeks and I can honestly say what on earth was all the fuss about induction for????  I didn't have a c-section but ended up with forceps and ventouse without any problems at all.  I can really recommend the epidural too - I slept through more than 50% of my labour!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks everyone.  I feel so much better to know it's NOT just me and reassured to know I'm probably doing pretty much the right thing, that is, approaching the everything with an open mind and doing what feels right for me! 

I don't see any point in panicking I just want to be as relaxed and chilled as I can because the one thing I've noticed about all the friends who have had good labours is that they are very relaxed pragmatic people.  So, if I have to have a C, I have to, if I need an epidural, I need one, if I get through on gas and air, smashing.  Sod the rest of em and thank you all for your support.  Sunday morning, at a car boot, I picked up a tens machine for £5.  Good for healing after a C, great for the first stages of labour if I do start before I get induced and probably quite handy if I don't get into the pool! 

June is very busy so though I'm scheduled for Wed, I may not actually get a slot until Monday. 

I know I am mentally prepared and the way I see it, the more open minded and equivocale I can be about it, the better.  If I'm scared I will be tense and it will hurt more so my plan is to be as relaxed as I can.  I'm no stranger to pain, this may be the strongest yet, if so I'll just bite the bullet and get on with it.  I'm going to have a baby for heaven's sake!  I can't wait to meet him now!

AND big plus, it won't be like it was for my Mum with her first - my darling bruv.  They didn't really know when he was due but they told her at the end of July that he was fully grown and likely to turn up any time... he arrived on September 12th!  God bless the two week rule! 

There now.  Equilibrium restored.

Thank you thank you!

Cheers

BC

PS  Glitter; mwah ha ha haargh!  I loved your comment!  Now that's what I'm talking about.

 
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