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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hi,
i'm new to this thread, but i visited the male factor thread at easter time this year.
i was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on counselling please?
we were told that dh has azoospermia and we asked the clinic to refer us to someone for councelling, just to come to terms with the news and maybe talk to another person about how we felt.
we were given an appointment date in september, arrived at the clinic and the counselor started to discuss D I.
my dh and i were a very uncomfortable about this, we explained that we were under the impression that we would just discuss how we are coping as a couple etc... we were not there to discuss D I or adoption yet (perhaps, after some sessions, we could move towards this...)
we learned that we had been refered to D I counselling by our consultant at uchl, which in my opinion was too soon.
my question is this.
is this the procedure that everyone goes through?
was i wrong in expecting to gradually work through our thoughts before talking through D I.
i'm at a bit of a loss now, we still haven't recieved any counselling, and wondering if we need to see a private counsellor first, and when we've worked through whether D I is for us, then use the nhs facility for
D I counselling...( i hope this is making sense!)
thanks in advance for any feed back x

good luck to all on this thread x

lily rose x
 

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Hi Lily and sorry to read abour DH - its comes as such a shock doesnt it?

Normally whe you make the decision to use donor sperm you have to have a counselling session to make sure you understand the implications etc etc.  I would of thought the referral was misunderstood so i would give them a call and ask for another appointment to discuss how you feeling etc as a couple and to give yourself time to grieve etc and comes to terms with the possibility that you may have to go down the donor route if thats the road you want to take.
Come and join us all on the anyone using donor sperm thread.  We are all a friendly bunch who are either inbetween cycles, on the 2 week wait etc
 

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Hi Lily Rose,

I think we may have chatted a while back on the male factor (I remember the pretty name  :) )  I think we were both lurking at the time and waiting for results  :-\ .  As you can see below - my DH has also been diagnosed with sertoli so I totally sympathise hun  ^Cuddle^ 

I think Alex is probably right - perhaps they've misread things and set things in motion too quickly for you.  We've had lots of time to think about things but that's simply because of the wait in between appoinments rather than the clinic taking things slower.

After my DH's initial  ^sperm^ tests we were told by our doctor that our only options were DIVI or adoption so we were already thinking along those lines when we went for our first clinic appoinment a couple of months later.  We were then told about ICSI and that DIVI or adoption were decisions for much further down the line  ::) Anyhow we went with the flow just doing what we were told really and after DH's TESE results realised we were back to square one.  Sorry for waffling on but the reason I'm saying all this is that between appointments we had lots of time to consider our options so it bought us a lot of thinking time.  We thought counselling had to be taken before proceeding with treatment but our 'counselling' session was actually an informal and informative chat with our lovely nurse from which we decided we'd rather talk things through ourselves than see a counsellor.  This is a completely personal decision though and you need to go with what feels right.  Although I was very open to counselling I knew my DH felt very uncomfortable with it as he needs to process things in his own time and not feel pressured in any way.  (It took him 15 years to propose bless him, so you get the picture  ::) ;D )

DIVI is not an easy decision to make but we got there in the end and now feel very excited about our journey to create 'our' family.  I would recommend following the donor sperm thread.  It has helped me so much during the decision making process and everyone is so friendly and we all watch out for each other.  Initially I was totally freaked out by the whole prospect of DIVI and had lots of strange emotions whereas my DH was fanastic  ??? But in following the thread and lurking for a while  ;) I realised that others felt the same way and then I didn't feel quite so alien.

Take things at you and your DH's own pace petal and good luck on whichever journey you decide to take.  Sending you loads of  ^Bubble Gum^  ^Cuddle^ and  ^fairydust^

Anne xxxxx
 

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Hi Lily Rose,

Welcome to the group. I am sorry to hear your news but glad that at least you are coming to terms/ trying to deal with it (I think it is a positive step for you just being on here and hopefully you will get tons of information and opinions that just may provide you with light at the end of your tunnel).

I was slightly different to you in that DH was upfront with me when we first got together that he had had the "snip", but was willing to have the reversal. That said, I still remember the devastation when we were told it wasn't successful.

I agree with the others that you should give the counsellor a ring just to clarify your position and then try for another session. In the meantime I hope that you and DH are able to talk about things between yourselves. Honesty and openess is definitely the best policy and I am sure that if you begin to chat now by the time you do have your next counselling session you will have probably broached a lot of issues anyway along with a few tears.

I think because fertility tx is so much more common place nowadays doctors etc can perhaps become a little blase about the emotional side of things, afterall you and DH will no doubt mourn the fact that you will not be able to have a child that is biologically both of yours, with all the guilt and anger etc that can go with it. I guess it is only natural for you to shy away from such tx as DIUI when you have yet to work through all these issues.

If you read through the different aspects on the threads you will see that you are not alone in your feelings, most ladies on here are completely honest with their emotions, in fact I have found it quite therapeutic to say exactly what I am feeling without worrying about recriminations or upsetting DH, or being made to feel guilty because I have a particular opinion. I hope you find it useful too and join us again in the future.

Best wishes in whatever you decide,
Amanda xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thank you for the warm welcome to this thread, and making things a little clearer.
i will contact our clinic and ask again to be referred to a counsellor.
good luck alex28 with future treatment...
anne d - sorry to hear it's sertoli, but good luck with DIVI.
congratulations to you amanda, i hope it all goes well!

i'll come back on this thread to see how you are all doing x
and best wishes to everyone else

lily rose x
 
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