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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello - not sure really where to start or where I should be posting this but anyway....  have been ttc for 3 years and my DH has been diagnosed with low sperm count.  We have had 5 ICSI treatments already.  2 at UCH where we produced terrible quality embryos each time and the consultant basically told us we should seriously think about whether or not we should carry on (which we were obviously totally shocked about).  Anyway we then moved to Holly House in Buckhurst Hill, Essex, where we had a further 2 treatments and produced slightly better embryos but still not that great.  They told us our best option might be to use donor eggs as they thought maybe my egg quality isn't that great.  My womb lining isn't that great either - usually between about 6-7 but I think they like it to be above 8.  Anyway amazingly my cousin (who has got a set of twins now on her 5th IVF attempt) offered to be a donor for me. We went through a treatment end of last year which also failed!  They still told us to carry on with the egg donor and that maybe my cousin needed more drugs this time around as she only produced 5 eggs last time (and during her own previous treatments also produced over 15)!  We were about to start treatment again but sadly my uncle died so we postponed it and will start in a couple of months I think.  Basically both me & my DH feel at the end of our tether and so so depressed about it all.  EVERYONE around us is pg!  4 of my close friends too which is so hard to deal with. Trying to be happy for them all but at the same time making me feel even worse about everything.  We feel like nobody knows what we are going through and we are totally alone. I am 36 and my DH is 38.
Sorry to ramble on so much but I feel like my story is so long and needed to give you all the info.  Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  Could someone also tell me how to add the history thing at the bottom of each post?  Thank you for listening x
 

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Rubyroo - what can I say? ???  Poor you, it must be such a trial for you and DH (as well as cousin).  You will find everyone on here really supportive (I couldn't live without it now).  Good luck on you journey.
Love
LiziBee
 

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So sorry to hear about your journey so far.  It can be dreadfully depressing at times can't it.  I have had two failed attempts in Manchester and moved to ARGC where I have just completed ICSI treatment.  Had 2 embryos transferred on 11th March.  I am terrified that it won't work again.  Back down to London on Monday 21st, fingers crossed.  I seem to have spent a lifetime ttc, like you, watched  friends & family get preg. then my best friend has just had first ICSI treatment at my old clinic and has just had a BFP.  Pleased for her but I feel like I can't deal with it at the moment, which makes me feel guilty and mean etc etc.  Keep wondering how I will carry on if this is a BFN.  Everyone does seem really supportive on here though and all I can say is that knowing that you are not the only one does help.  Remember, that you are loved by your family and friends and if anyone could magic you pregnant I am sure they would.  Being in a fishbowl doesn't help unless you make it work for you.  Look to everyone who knows for support, talk to them and let them help you all they can because that will probably make them feel better too.  I hope it all goes well and your dream comes true very soon.xxx Paula.xxx :-*
 

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Hey
Sorry to hear how you are feeling - there are pregnant women everywhere and I am also constantly buying friends baby gifts! Grrrrrrrrrrr.  I wish you lots of luck and energy on this constant quest.  To add a signature look at the line above that reads Home, index; help; search; profile etc.
Click on profile, and you add it under signature.
hope that helps
 

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Hi
I have had 6 failed ICSI attempts and I completely understand what you are going through. I seem to have the most fertile friends in the world and at one point there were 8 of my work colleagues pregnant at the same time. I was consumed by jealousy and then guilt as I should have been happy for them. I am also at that point where I need to decide when to stop, it's tough isn't it? I can only emphasise what the others have said you must talk through your feelings with your dh or anyone else who knows. I have been considering talking to a counsellor if/when I decide enough is enough. I must say that this website has helped a lot as I have found that I am not alone in my experiences. I wish you all the best whatever you decide to do next. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
hi all,
thanks for your messages - it does help knowing i'm not alone.
paula - am keeping everything crossed - i think today was the day for you - am so hoping you get a BFP.  i know how you feel about the fact of your best friends treatment working 1st time as basically my DH's best friend and his wife also had their 1st treatment at the same clinic as us and it worked for them also - so sickening. i could barely bring myself to talk to them and they were quite insensitive about it all too which made it even worse - honestly some people!

And mrsmc - sounds like you are in the same situation as us then having so many failed attempts.  have they given you any reasons or answers?  where have you had your treatments?  has everything else (except for the sperm count obviously) been ok and it been a matter of the embies not sticking?  the terrible thing also is that when you've had so many treatments you keep thinking 'just one more' 'just one more' and then you are caught up in the trap of not being able to stop.  i'm thinking that i'll do the treatment again using my cousins eggs and if that fails with no specific reason I'm thinking maybe of looking into adoption then?  it's all so depressing and unfair isn't it.

thanks to everybody else for their messages too - better do some work now xxxxx
 

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Hi Ruby, I have had all of my treatments in Hull but we are considering transferring to CARE in Sheffield. Hull are fantastic but Sheffield seems to have a better success rate. We have just been told that the embies aren't sticking but I can't help wondering if there is something else that can be done. Maybe we are now clutching at straws but I feel we need a second opinion before we give up. I agree with you totally it's always 'just one more go' isn't it? God I hate this infertility lark ^furios^ All the best with what you decide.
 
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