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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Sorry Guys,  (I am posting this on both boards as I need a responce).

I have to apologize in advance for my whine but I cannot comprehend how absolutely awful I feel today.

No matter how hard I try I cannot seem to shake the dull ache that I am feeling inside and I need a little help to shake it off.

It kinda started yesterday and has gotten worse over the past 24 hours.

I am always so positive and smiling in front of DH as he feels guilt as hell that we have male factor and feel that if I cry in front of him he will feel worse.

The trouble is I have spent the past couple of days picking him up out of his black hole and making him feel better that I think I have gotten stuck in there myself and there is nobody there to get me out.

I feel like I cannot breathe at the moment and the sad feelings keep engulfing me I am so sorry to be negative but I do not know where to turn.

Here I go again have to go and hide in the Loo's for 15 mins as my eye's are off again.

Thanks for listening.

Lol

Fin
 

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Hi Fin

I don;t really have anything to say that will make you feel any better other than you have just got to roll with it.  Take time to have a good cry or take the afternoon off and do something for you.  It can be as simple as talking a long walk in the sun.

This whole thing does get to you and sometimes there feels like there is no hope but honestly there is.  Try checking chat to see if anyone is about or logon this evening there should be someone about to help

Take care

Clare
 

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Hi Fin,

Like Clare has said, there is nothing I can say to just magic away your pain and won't pretend that its even that easy! It is totally normal if it helps to feel the way you do today. We ALL have dark days....

I am fairly new to this whole 'Infertility thing' and it hit me like an hammer over the head when I first realised that both me and DH had IF problems. It was like being plunged into absolute darkness. For a few months at the beginning of the year I felt like a mess - I didn't know where to turn. However, things do get better.

I think there comes a point when you realise that you HAVE to get on with things, or else whats the point?....little things like remembering the good things you have in life, treating yourself well, remembering why you and DH/DP want a baby in the first place (coz you love eachother!!!)  all help. Going out and just forgetting all about it now and again - letting your hair down and having a drink! Even sometimes having a really big cry and hissy fit! Just let it out.

I have my really bad days - had one on Saturday, my SIL gave birth and it just brought home how much I want a baby - but somehow you have to pick yourself up!

This might sound rather crazy, but sometimes I think that having a baby is all about bringing a new life into the world, therefore you also have to treat YOUR life as a gift, and just try and enjoy it! If we don't try and enjoy it whats the point in living?! Thats what I force myself to think when I'm feeling really depressed.

Just look after yourself hun, spend time with DH and just try - as impossible as it may seem - to think of a few good things you have and focus on them...

Take care hun, this cloud will lift.

Love and hugs
Kate xxx
 

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hi hun,you gotta b positive and remember this is a hard road to travel on you and dh have shown amazing strength to get this far,thats a good thing.good luck tc
 

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Hi Fin

So sorry you are feeling really bad at the moment.

Please remember you are not alone, we have all had those black days, and you will get through it.  I know it's really hard to focus on any good things in your life when you feel this down, but try if you can... and also it sounds like you have spent a lot of energy helping your DH through some bad moments, don;t forget you need some help & nurture too, is there anything you like to do that might help lift your spirits? 

Take care of yourself and  ^Cuddle^ hope tomorrow's a better day, keep telling yourslef it will be.

lots of love

Vicky xxxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hi All,

Thanks for your responces, sometimes just knowing that there are people out there who understand helps but for some reason I still cannot shake myself today.

I cannot speak with DH about things as he is already beating himself up too much and I don't want to make him feel worse than he already is.

I just hope that there is a miracle out there somewhere for us and that they manage to find some sperm in my DH, anything would be better than nothing.

Lol

Fin
 

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Hi, as everyone has said we all understand exactly what you are going through, sometimes the road seems far too long... you have to think of the outcome though..one day you will both have a gorgeous baby and you will sit there beaming like a cheshire cat thinking how everything was more than worth it. Take it one day and one treatment at a time. Do what you have to do to get through till tomorrow..talk to people, use the infertility network counselling line (7.30-9.30 every week day evening) post on this board..but always remember that nothing so important comes easily and you will be a much stronger, better and more appreciative parent because of these trials and tribulations as you, like the rest of us on this board, will truely appreciate the gift we have been given.
hope this helps.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Hi aabbcc

Thanks for the support it is very much appreciated.  I do feel a little better today and my fighting spirit has returned.

It's funny as I actually said the same thing to my DH about this being a learning curve and that we would appreciate the gift of a child more now that we have been through this.

I have only told one friends and she is blessed with 3 children (all easily conceived) and she too said that she realizes now that she did not appreciate her kids as much as they came so easily but now as she is going through this with me she has realized just how lucky she is.

Thanks again.

Fin
 

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HI Fin
I am really sorry to hear that you have been suffering,  please remember we are all with you and understand perfectly how you feel.  Sometimes, like today, when I awoke and found my my af had arrived,  after trying so hard last month and many more months, spiralling back over the last two years, I struggle to get through the day without crying in the loo at work and asking why is this happening to us.  It all seems like a nightmare that I am going to wake up from, something that happens to other people and not us.  It is not until I log onto FF that I feel less desperate and  of being alone. (thanks everyone!!).

Recently I bought the book by Dr Alice Domar 'Coping with Infertility'.  It gives you emotional strategies for getting through the psychological side of infertility.  Some of her ideas as really good.  I bought it as all the popular infertility books on the market go on about the physical side ie diagnosis and treatment and not the therapy side.  Has anyone else bought her book? If so what did you think?

Thinking of you
Teresa

 

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Dear Fin

So sorry to hear your feeling down.  I understand what you mean, from time to time I feel helpless too.  Keep talking to your friend, and getting support from her, have a good cry on her shoulder, i'm sure she won't mind.  Just remember you are doing all you can do at the moment with regards to treatment, and that you musn't give up hope.
Keep smiling and happy, and keep logging into chat when you feel down.  I hope you feel much better soon.
love Tam.
 
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