[chicksmum]

Hi all,
I'm new to the boards. Been lurking for a while but finally come to terms with the fact that conceiving my 2nd is not happening and that I'd like some support coming to terms with the emotional roller coaster.

My daughter is almost 4 and was conceived with relative ease (about 5 months of trying). I am 33 and my DH is nearly 40. I therefore thought (rather silly of me I know) that conceiving number 2 would be straight forward. We have been trying for about 14 months now without success. Ive had hormone tests and a HyCoSy - all seems fine although its not known if I am ovulating regularly. I am now giving it another 6 months of trying naturally before the gynaecologist has recommended that I go on clomid for 6 months. After that I have been told its up to us to seek out (and fund) any further treatments. I am having regular acupuncture which seems to have regulated my cycles (previously were a little too short - around 23 days).

I'm feeling the same thing that lots of spoken about on here - guilt at not being able to give my daughter a sibling, worry that there will be too much of an age gap and more guilt that I waited too long to try for a 2nd (I was working towards things at work and thought it would be a better idea to have a 3 year gap in-between kids).

Anyway thats me!

Looking forward to hearing from others in a similar position.

Thanks for listening!

 

[marina1978]

Hi there, I too felt exactly the same, did I leave it too long, I assumed that I would conceive so easily like I did with my first (literally came off pill and conceived same month)...Feeling pressure to catch quickly so I didn't feel a failure. 
My son is 6 now and I'm 15 weeks after finally getting a  bfp but we almost went down the IVF route.  Has your partner had tests done too?  Even tho my DH has a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship and a son with me his sperm wasn't great this time around hence the long time in conceiving..

Anyway good luck, this site is great fro advice and support!

 

[chicksmum]

Hi there
Thanks for the reply. Yes my hubby has had tests done and all seemed fine. % with normal form was just on the boarder f what would be considered normal but was told that it shoudl be fine (esp as it did the job once before).

Congrats on your BFP! I am hoping that this year will be lucky for me too! Fingers crossed!

 

[Evon]

Chicksmum I also suffer from secondary infertility all nhs/private tests came up normal for both me & DH. Started trying when DD was 1 year old finally got a bfp as she turned 4.

Not sure what my problem is had a emergency c-section with DD but think immunes maybe problem.
I paid privately to have an IUI with clomid and got a bfp but had a missed miscarried at 10weeks after seeing HB twice.
Tried a few more but failed and then moved onto ivf - at this time was suggested to test immunes they came up high so put on steroids. Lucky enough to get bfp, immunes tested again and high again needed ivig - I am now 35 weeks pregnant and looking forward to meeting the baby.

 

[Evon]

Good luck and hope 2011 brings u joy xxx

 

[chicksmum]

Hi Evon

Thanks for the reply. I also had an emergency c-section with my daughter but was told that was unlikely to have an impact in trying for another (no scarring etc shown on HyCoSy). Can I ask what immunes mean? Sorry I am new to all of the terminology.
Congrats on your pregnancy. You must be so excited.

 

[Evon]

I was also told no scarring but know of other women who have struggled for no 2 after a c-section.
I also got a leaflet this pregnancy on c-sections and its down as one of the risks, that women may not have further pregnancies.
I got my immunes tested at ARGC it's a relatively new field and the NHS are not taking it on board yet.
It basically says for some women their bodies fight another pregnancy, can b kicked off after the 1st.
There is a book by De Beer on it, I was lucky enough that we could afford to go private and due to my age and all tests coming up negative we decided not to muck about.
The NHS in my borough would not cover much just tests and an IUI so it wasn't really a good option.
It's worth having a look online and seeing what comes up, I had to have Ivig after my bfp as my body was fighting the pregnancy - ivig is like a blood transfusion. I do wonder if I had tested with IUI pregnancy would I now have a lively 8 month old.
Good luck - there should b an immune thread on here if not try the ARGC thread. Or pma and ill try to help x

 

[Evon]

Ps Chicksmum try not to worry about age gap I now believe there is no perfect family.
I have seen friends struggle with 2 and now I am so relaxed about this second one and it's ideal as DD starts school this month so new baby will get some valuable time on its own I can also join the groups again, rather than the baby just being carted around after the older one x

 

[Evon]

It also sounds like clomid would be ideal for u, especially if your cycles are a bit short. Push for this as it's not v expensive even if u pay for it. I think the most I ever paid was £15 for a months treatment and that was private and a more expensive chemist as bank holiday.
I did clomid with IUI to try and maximum our chances.
Also try ovulating kits this will tell u if it is happening - I suggest clearblue some of shop own brands are not v good, u should test at lunchtime.
Good luck!

 

[chicksmum]

Hi Evon
Thanks for the info. I have been told to give it 6 months of trying naturally before we will progress to clomid (GP will pay for this anyway). I think I have started to ovulate again as I am getting very obvious ovulation pains around days 11-15 (I remember getting these before I concieved my daughter). I am hoping that this will increase my cycle length a bit and if not maybe clomid will do that.

My acupunturist said similar things with regards to previous c-sections (that your body dosn't have enough energy for future pregnancies) and we have been working on balancing my body out a bit. I think I will wait and see what happens in the next 6 months and if neccessary with clomid before I consider future tests. My husband is not really keen on seeking infertility treatments as he thinks it will happen if its meant to be and if not we have a lovely daughter. Men just don't seem to have the same desire for further children plus he is an only child so cannot see anything wrong with it (I know there isn't but in my ideal world I would have 2 children).

Fingers crossed for some good luck in 2011!!

 

[chicksmum]

oh and if you could send me the details of the deBeer book you mentioned that would be great.
Thanks

 

[Evon]

It's called
Is your body baby friendly by Alan Beer I bought a copy for a friend on Amazon.

I haven't read it but it explains everything on immunes.
Loads of girls on the forum recommend it.

I also did acputure for months before I finally moved onto ivf.
Good luck.

 

[JBox]

HI Chicksmum and everyone else here...

know EXACTLY how you all feel. thought it would be so easy to conceive no 2. have had couple of misses and loads and loads of ivfs to be told i have premature ovarian failiure and probably wont conceive with my own eggs and am now looking to go down egg donation route which is exciting if it works, but scary as i have a biological gorgeous darling daughter and cant imagine having a child with no genetic link to me....

i had a cesearean too, and i am sure that my failiure to get and stay pregnant is due to that, but the drs keep telling me that is not so... that its all about my eggs, my age, my body basically failing me....

it seems so greedy to want no 2 so much when there are so many wonderful women here trying so desperately for no 1 but i am desperate to extend my family and i cant help but want this more than anything else...

anyway, good luck with everything. i hope we all get what we want this year. 2010 was a disaster for me!
xxx

 

[chicksmum]

Hi all
Thought I might have hit jackpot this month as lots of PG symptoms (sore boobs and feeling sick) but AF has just arrived 2 days late. Guess I should be glad that this might mean that my cycles are getting a bit longer but it seems that everyone else is pregnant at the moment apart from me.

Had a chat with husband the other night and I think we have agreed that we don't think IVF is for us so if other avenues fail we think we might pursue the idea of adoption (which is somthing we talked about before we had our daughter). We have agreed to give it another year but we both feel that it is dominating our lives too much to continue indefinately.

I have bought the book evon suggested so might look into immunity testing if it is available in my area.

Agree it would be great to have some luck in 2011 - it was sadly lacking in 2010!

Chicksmum
XX

 

[chicksmum]

JBox, I agree it scary thinking about how you will feel with a child that is not related to you (that somthing I have thought about in relation to adoption) but I keep thinking that I fell in love with my husband so why couldn't I fall in love with a baby/child if I really wanted to.

 

[JBox]

Ah chicksmum I love ur analogy (is that the right word?) That's going to stick in my head now forever. Thank you xx

 

[chicksmum]

Your welcome! I really do believe its true!

 

[Evon]

Just wanting to wish u luck on the natural route.
I hope u find the book useful, we also talk adoption.
I have to agree I find there r friends children I naturally love so why not an adopted child.
Good luck xx