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Hi Ladies,

I need some advise, we're now 22 weeks into this pregnancy and it's looking more and more likely that we may actually be in with a chance.  ^pray^ Since February I have been stressing out and thinking the worst having had two previous losses and a few scares this time around.

How have you all bonded with your bumps? I'm finding it very difficult to strike up a conversation with my tummy and am totally paranoid that I won't be able to bond with our baby when it actully arrives.  ^idiot^

Anybody got any good tips on how to get over this?

Thanks

Weezy
 

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Congrats on getting to 22 weeks hun :)

Erm, have you nicknamed your bump or baby anything? That could help? Knowing the flavour helps even more but i know lots of people choose to keep that bit a surprise (i would have if i was only having one! ;))

Just talk out loud the things you are doing whilst giving it a tender stroke or something - that helps. I tend to talk to mine in the bath! ;D Its lovely when they kick back :)

I think the later you get in the pregnancy the more you bond as you start to think of them as a person and when he or she arrives i have no doubt you will bond with them and love them more than anything.

Try not to worry too much hun - it'll all come naturally. You could also ask your midwife the next time you see her to see if she has any ideas?

Good luck with the pregnancy hun :)

Sparkles xx
 

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Weezy,

One of my friends nick named my baby Pea when i was pg and that was from 7 weeks, so the name stuck throughout!!
I used to rub my belly alot, coz even though i was carrying pea i felt closer to him/her when i rubbed my tummy!!
Like sparkle said i also used to talk to my belly in the bath but Pea didnt really respond in the bath as i think she slept  :)
Please dont worry hun, as soon as your baby is put on your chest you will never want him/her to be moved!!
The love is so strong and that moment when you make eye contact for the first time is so indescribable!!

Enjoy the rest of your pg hun  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

x x x
 

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Hi Weezy,

I never really spoke to my bump, always felt a bit silly  ;D but once I was over 30 weeks and L was kicking me like mad all the time, that for me was when i bonded with my bump. Seeing my belly move and wobble like crazy was such a nice feeling, and made me feel like 'oh my there's a real baby in there'  ;D

Nikki xx
 

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All good advice from the ladies here.

I too wasn't one for talking to bump all that much, esp in the earlier days... I mean, what do you say??  ??? ::) ;D  However, as things have gone on I have found myself talking to Bubs more and more... just little things and more like comments on what he's up to... like when he's got hiccups I'll ask him if he's okay in there. Or if he's quiet I'll ask him when he's planning on waking up etc, or if I'm getting lunch I'll ask him what he thinks we should have.  ^idiot^ ;D Oh, and if Dh is doing something silly I'll tell Bubs what a funny Daddy he's got etc.

We've had 'story time' for a while now (from whenever it is babies are apparently able to hear - I forget now). Most nights when we go to bed we read one of two books which we bought for Bubs... just short little rhyming stories.  It's such a nice moment for us all - DH normally reads out loud with his head resting just above my bump (virtually on my boob if I let him!!  ::))

The other thing I find myself doing is hugging my bump especially when I'm sat down.  I think also that the bump rubbing seems to just happen once bump gets to a certain size and, I don't think it'll just be me, but I find that instinctively I put one or both hands on my bump and even turn my bump away if we're in a crowd or in a lift etc and others come towards me... some subconscious protective thing I reckon.

I totally understand you being so cautious  ^hugme^ and I know you don't need me to tell you that being cautious doesn't make it any less painful if things go wrong...  You seem to be at the point where you're ready to leave the stressing and worries behind and start enjoying the pregnancy so, trust me, that bonding with bump will happen in it's own time, in it's own way and probably while you're not even paying attention!  ^hugme^

Good luck with everything hun.  You'll have that miracle in your arms before you know it so stay positive and savour every moment of this incredible experience.  ^hugme^ :)
Trip xx
 

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i've not talked to my either of my bumps that much but they have both had name,  peanut for DD and Spud this time, both named by DH but  I use them too.  I do rub and watch my belly move quite a bit which is my way of bonding.  We know what we are having and we have talked about names to the bump saying little things like one kick for such a name 2 for another (not revlealing our shortlist of names) but thats about it, I do prod and poke to get moving and I think feeling the movement makes it real and me bond more with baby.
 

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Hi Weezy,

Congratulations on your pregnancy :)
During my first pregnancy I felt very bonded from the beginning, and when we found at the sexes (at 12 weeks) and named the boys, it got even stronger.
When I became unexpectedly pregnant the second time I was too frightened, for a variety of reasons, to even think about bonding.  I spent a long time in a state of denial (difficult when you're the size of a bus ;D ) and certainly didn't spend time talking or reading to the bump. 
Don't force yourself to do anything that doesn't come naturally to you; people here could give you all sorts of advice about what they did, but that's personal to them, and might not feel natural for you.  Bonding happens in its own time; sometimes before birth, and sometimes a long time afterwards.  It's not necessarily the rush of love you imagine you will feel; it can creep up on you over a period of time.
Please don't spend another second worrying about bonding; it's an overused word that can make people unnecessarily anxious, in my humble opinion :) Focus on the here and now, and use your energy to look after yourself, which is what has the most impact on your baby at this stage.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, and beyond ;)

xx Clare
 

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Hey Wheezy!

I agree about the advice on here so far.  It all looks pretty good to me.  I have two thoughts I could add for you on this one.

First, don't worry about whether or not you are bonding now.  If you've had problems before you are going to find it hard to bond.  That's not un-natural, it's just basic self-preservation, one of those don't want to get too close in case I jinx it/hurt myself things. 

I lost my first and with the current one, I was like that until after week 24.  Then someone pointed out that it was now "viable" ie if I went into labour it would be delivered and put in a SCBU (hope I've got the letters the right way round) and most likely it would survive.  After that it was like something relaxed in me.  I let go and was able to enjoy having it there especially as week by week the chances of survival increased but it was only really then that I began to bond...  You may find that as the weeks go on, this happens to you, you may find you don't.  If it doesn't happen don't worry there's nothing wrong in not bonding especially if you're enduring a niggly pregnancy.

I didn't talk to my bump that much at first but I do now, I also stroke it quite a lot.  After about 30 weeks, if it kicked and I put my hand on it and said "hello" it would stop to listen, so that started me talking to it.  I also explain where it should be if it's positioned wrong ie face to spine - which it was a while back - and at the moment I am trying to explain and visualise what it should be doing to engage, since it's my first to go to full term, I start week 42 tomorrow and it has decided not to.

Second thing.  In the highly unlikely event that you don't feel the love instantly when your baby is born, don't be afraid.  It's not unusual or unnatural.  Most people do but I know a couple of people who have admitted that they didn't feel anything much for the first six months of their child's life... for their babies or their husbands to be honest.  It was like they were emotionally blitzed.  They went through the motions and then suddenly, one day, doing some mundane thing together, something clicked.  I think sometimes this is more a case of the love being subsumed by other things, worry, tiredness that kind of stuff.

If that happens to you, be gentle with yourself.  If you don't bond straight away don't be afraid and don't worry because rest assured, if you are anything like 99.9% of mums, you will.  If - several months after the birth - you feel you aren't bonding and it starts to get on top of you, don't be afraid to go to the Doctor and get help or counselling.  It works.

I'm sure you will be fine so don't fret, god bless and good luck.

Cheers

BC
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks everyone for your kind replies.

I think it's going to be a slow process, I may start and give the baby a name to be getting on with. We decided not to find out the flavour of the child as have had so many decisions made for us that it was nice to be able to make our own mind up on that one.

I think that once we get past 24 weeks (only 13 days to go) I may settle into the pregnancy and enjoy it without as much panic everytime I go to the loo, or get a funny twinge etc

Onwards and upwards as they say....  ^pray^


Thanks again

Weezy
 

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I agree with ClareMack - try not to worry about it too much, it's different for everyone.

My personal experience is that I feel quite bonded but I have been lucky enough to have a smooth first pregnancy so far. When I have worried about things such as when my Nuchal Scan results came back (which were not too bad but not as good as I'd hoped.) I found I kind of took a step back emotionally involuntarily and then had to just give myself time to re-group.  :)

I think if you have had loads of worries you are bound to have found your feelings confusing - I did with just one blip. So definately don't beat yourself up about it. I think that you will start to relax more now and enjoy your pregnancy and to fully enjoy it you musn't worry about whether you are bonding or not - all in good time, it's different for everyone.

A friend of mine felt quite detached from her bump and said it took a few weeks after birth to start feeling strongly, she didn't seem to be concerned about it so that made me feel better too.

We call our unborm baby Babi Bean.  ;) But I don't really talk to her, just smile to myself a lot.  ;)

Jen XXX
 
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