[Ann.T]

Hodgy

Hi I'm very new to using this site and i am having a few problems   but here goes. We have been ttc 4 years now but for the first 3 years we thought i was having the difficulties but after still more test showing the doctors decided to recheck my dh. The test showed that my dh had very low sperm count and very low mobility. This was very hard for us. My dh never wants to discuss any of our feelings around this subject, which I find frustrating because I would just like to air my thoughts. We have just last week received a letter from Leeds which was telling us that we have an appointment in four weeks time, I have mixed feelings both happy, scared, worry etc... Please could you give me some advice how to discuss this with my dh if possible.

 

[lshack]

Hi Ann

When we found out that my DH had very similar problems I found that he would feel very down and guilty that he was to blame, but he wouldn't talk about it, not that I blame him as in the end you can't be 100% sure who has the problem most of the time.
one night he was obviously upset but trying not to let me know.  I made him sit down and talk about what was troubling him and it took him time but once the thread started to unravel I just wouldn't let it stop until he had told me everything about how he was feeling and a lot of it is guilt they feel that they have caused the problem.  I had to be brave enough to push him gently into talking.  once we had started to talk it then got easier  but last night I had to push him again to talk and i found out he is worried about me taking all the drugs, such a sweetheart.
I think they just try to be strong and don't want to let out their feelings.
Maybe if you tell him you need to talk and tell him how you feel then maybe he will open up to his feelings.  Men have this thing about not being able to show their feelings it is something they were told as a child - you are a boy you have to be brave and unfortunately this carries into adulthood.

It is a very scary, exciting and worrying time and you need to be strong together.
I wish I could help you more but good luck and Ihope your DH get to the stage that he feels he can let go of his feelings.



Lots of love lshack xx

 

[sal1]

Hi Ann,
I'm new to this page but my wife and I have tried and failed twice at IVF.
I have found it very difficult to talk to her because i feel that it will just make it more difficult for her to cope with (what with all the drugs and scans). And when I try to the words won't come out and I wish that she could help me get them out in those moments.  I know we have the excuse that we are not designed to deal with these emotions and would prefer to fix something (or break it!) but I have found reading some of the posts in the 'mens' room of this website very useful. I would advise you to try to get your dh to log on and just read some of the posts.

Good luck