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Hello Britian, I am a 16 yr old female. I discovered this year from my gynecologist that  I was born without a euterus... A condition that only happens in one out of 15000. My doctors are baffled, because of my high estrogen levels despite having no euterus. I am sad, and cannot tell anyone. I am afraid that no man will ever want to marry me now, and that one day i will get my heart broken by a man who will want to leave me after he finds out my secret. They tell me I have a higher risk of cancer, and every day I am afraid of dying. They want to take out my underdeveloped ovaries to eliminate the risk of cancer, but i dont want that because then i will have to be on artificial hormones for the rest of my life, and I am afraid of operations and i would feel like less of a woman w/out ovaries AND a euterus. I am also not sure if my vagina is deep enough for sex... only about 4 inches deep. I am pretty and have breasts and look like a young woman should, but this key difference has me worried that I am doomed to unhappiness. I also am afriad if i ever adopt i would not love the kid eough.. Does anyone have anything to say to maybe help me through this? i now I was a bit graphic, please no perverts thats the last thing I need right ow...Show some mercy. -Moonshadow
 

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Dear Moonshadow

Hello and welcome :)  I am sorry to read of the situation you have recently found yourself in.  I had a friend who was born with two uterus and also found this incredibly difficult to deal with.  She sought help from her Doctor and she was put in touch with someone to talk to about her worries and her fears, she's now married and is doing well.  Perhaps you Doctor can help you too ?? Have you spoken to him/her about speaking to a counsellor perhaps ?

I wish you luck with getting some help, in the meantime if you feel the need, please post to us here anytime :)

Amanda x
 

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Hi Moonshadow

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficulties you have had to face. It must be so hard for you to dal with such a complicated situation. Has anyone offered you counselling?  It may help you to talk about your fears to someone who understands and is trained to help, but will keep it confidential.

About the adoption thing,  there is a thread on this board with people who are considering adoption, it might be helpful to talk to them?  Adoption seems like such a big thiing (I've thought about it alot) and it might be something that you're more comfortable about when you're older.

I don't know what to say except lots and lots of luck, People on this site are very friendly so i hope you find someone to talk to who can help.

X


 
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Dear Moonshadow

Welcome to FF

I am so sorry to here of your situation. I just wanted to say welcome to the site and if you need to talk there are always people on here that you can have a talk to.

You can instant message me at any time if you want to talk.

Love Charlotte ^sunny^ ^spin^
 

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Dear Moonshadow

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad. I hope you will find some comfort on this site.

I just had to reply to you because just before Christmas I met a man who told me that his daughter found out she had no uterus when she was about your age. He went on to tell me that his daughter (who is in her late 20's now) is now married to a wonderful man who when she told him she couldn't have children said 'that's ok, we can adopt & anyway I love you'. I just wanted to share that with you & let you know there are a lot of wonderful men out there...some of them are married/partnered to women on this site.

With best wishes

Loisxxx
 

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Hi Moonshadow  :)  ^hello^

Welcome to ff  

As you have probably discovered by now, this website is full of women who can identify with your sad situation.  The important thing to try to remember is that you are not alone.  We are all here when you feel you need us - we are a friendly bunch !

As for the adoption thing, you may feel quite differently once you are happy and settled in a good relationship with someone you trust.  Being born without a uterus will not stop a man falling in love with you - honestly

Take care, and please remember... you really are not alone

Jennifer
xx
 

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hiya moonshadow,

welcome to ff

just wanted to let you know how sad i am for you, as the others have said not having a uterus will not stop a man falling in love with you. you will find your special man one day. you are still young one day adoption may seem like the right thing for you to do when you meet a lovely young man and want to start a family. maybe some counselling would help you as it often helps to talk to someone impartial.

good luck

pam xx
 

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I'm so sorry darling.  Fertility problems are hard enough to come to terms with when you are a fully fledged adult, no wonder you are finding this so difficult at your age.  It has probably been a horrendous shock and all your feelings are totally natural.  The best advice I can give you is to just try and take one day at a time.  Try and find out as much information as you can about this condition and your options.  Information is power in my experience!For example, is it possible to remove and freeze some of your eggs to be used by a surrogate at a later stage? 

No matter what though remember that despite this you will find happiness.  I married my DH despite the fact that I knew there was a strong possibility that we would never have children.  I loved him and didn't want to be without him.  There are many, many people who feel the same as you will see on this site.  Try not to worry too much about adoption etc at this stage.  You will find that the right road for you will show itself in good time.

I hope you have a supportive family to help you through this and remember there is always this site if you want to let off steam.

Angela xx
 

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I am so sorry to read your situation. It must be so difficult and i can fully understand your fears and questions. I have no answers i am afraid but maybe a bit of counselling and obviously there are plenty of people her that will help in any way they can !!
All the best
Love tj x
 

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Dearest Moonshadow

I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you.  As you tell us you are a pretty young lady and one day you will meet someone who will fall in love with YOU and you wont have to keep your situation secret.  I like lots of people on here (I assume) had to tell my boyfriend that we would probably never have children, but we still got married.  So take heart dear Moondshadow and perhaps ask the doctor to get some counselling and if you can speak to your mum about this and tell her how you feel. 

Kate xx
 

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You are very brave!  I understand all of your concerns.  It is clear that you have thought this through a lot.  I assure you ... you can find love and a man that will love you with or without a uterus.

I know that your DR is telling you to have your ovaries removed, and of course it is a good idea to pay close attention to your DR…but on the other hand I think that you are wise to consider your emotions.  If you aren’t ready for that right now then….wait.  Talking to people is really important.  Sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers because they listen with out talking over and over about what they think.  If I were you I would ask my DR if she/he knows someone who you can talk to, a support group…. Of course you always have this support group too.
 

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Hello Moonshadow,

And welcome to fertility friends! I was a little older than you, 19 when we found out my hubby has a low sperm count. I can't imagine going through all you're going through, as well as being only 16.
One thing for sure - this does not make you less of a woman, sweetheart. One day, you'll meet a man who loves you for who you are, and who will support you in your decision, be that Surrogacy, or Adoption, or living child-free.
I understand your fear of operations, think through things carefully, I'm sure you have the support of your mum and family, and now us as well.
I can assure you no perverts will post to you - these threads are moderated, and any posts like that will be deleted right away. ^hugme^
I'm sorry, I'm unsure about the answer to your question about your vagina being big enough to accomodate a man's penis - have the doctor's told you this, or are you worried about it? I know the average woman's vagina is 4-5 inches deep, but during sexual intercourse, it swells and grows, to allow the penis in. I hope I havent confused you more!
Take care,
Marie xx
 

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Hi Moonshadow,
having read your email, I just thought that perhaps you might try and get a second opioion from another DR/hospital.  Please take care of yourself, this is very heavy stuff and I really believe that with the power of positive thinking and living your life to the ful that you will be okay, as for having kids there are so many different options available to you, surrogracy with eggs donated from family/friends, adoption.  I once had a partner who really felt that he did not want kids but he wanted to be with me.  So Darling please believe me that not all men want to be with you just to have kids.  I was diagnoses with dysfunctional ovaries last August and I thought thats it the end of my relationship as my partner really wants a family.  however when we discussed it we realised that we will deal with it and as a result of all this we have become closer and plan to marry in September.  so every cloud has a silver lining, darling I wish you the best that life has to offer

Hugs and love

Ms D
 

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Dear Moonshadow

I felt really sad when I read your message. I really hope that your getting the necessary support and help from people close to you.
All I want to do is send you  ^hugme^ and to wish you good luck !!
 

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Dear Moonshadow,

I'm so sorry you have had such a shock at a time in your life when it really should be more about fun and less about heavy stuff like what you are going through now.  ^Cuddle^ 

The next couple of weeks are going to be a very steep learning curve for you and your family.  There are a lot of options out there, more than ever before.  Take the time that you need.  Learn as much as you can to make informed decisions. 

I agree that counselling might help give you a safe place to talk and work things out.  Friends are great but they can't always see your point of view objectivly because they love you. 

I met a friend at university who was in the same situation as yourself when I was 19 and she was 18.  I was very impressed with the fact that she was able to talk about it to her girlfriends in such an open manner.  She had a lot of support and was very loved not only by her friends and family but by her boyfriend, who she went on to marry. 

You must be a very smart young woman to have found this site.  I wish I had found it sooner!!!  I have met women here that have helped me with information, guidance and friendship. 

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

x,
AlmaMay
 

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Dear Moonshadow

I can only echo so many of the things that have been stated already.  When you meet your life partner they will not want to be with you for your child bearing capability but for you personality because you make them feel good.  If they don;t want to proceed in a relationship with you because of it then quite frankly they are not worthy of you.

It is important that you fully understand what is going on with your body and with you emotionally.  If you feel at any point Drs are not taking you seriously because of your age then you need to take a deep breath and tell them you are old enough to make decision and understand them.  I would strongly advise you seek counselling about this too, ask to see a fertility specialist if you can, because you need to learn how you are going to put in place your coping mechanisms and understand the way this makes you feel.

Longer term when you want a family you must try and remember that to be a Mum you don;t actually have to have carried a child.  You can be a wonderful loving parent via surrogecy or adoption.

Take care

Clare
 
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