Fertility Friends Support Forum banner
1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I feel bad for WANTING to find others who suffer from sterility, but am so scared that the end of the road is getting closer for us and that there will be no chance of us evering achieving our dream!

Please forgive me for saying, but despite all the infertility problems on this line, I still feel that we are alone for my dh could be completely sterile; not even one small sperm!!!

Every where I see families; we are a different species altogether because we are childless.

Other than hearing of a pregnancy, the bump, what else slaps me in the face is when I am with other women and I realise that each one has experienced the miracle; that makes me cringe within me and I start to feel that I am not a woman!

I would so value just one reply and anymore would be a bonus!

By the way, I have never held a baby for the fear of never giving him/her back!  I hate looking at "fat" women!

Please be kind.

Suzanne :'( :(
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
646 Posts
Hi there

Don't worry - you are really not alone. Lots of us have male factor problems as a cause for our infertility problems.

My DH suffered from Leukemia when he was 19 and again at 21. He was not offered the option to freeze any sperm, and has been left with total azoospermia. 

There is no right or wrong way to feel about dealing with this difficult situation. I too, find it hard (as many here do) when we see friends with babies, women with babies, being told that if we just relax and chill out it will "just happen" (yeah, right!), holding a baby.... it is all very normal and understandable really.

DH and I talk about it a lot, and have reached a stage where we can lightly joke about our situation. We are not putting all our hopes on IUI/IVF, just in case it does not work out. We have discussed how many times we will try and whether we'll go for adoption if it doesn't happen for us.

I know that if we have to have a baby without me being pregant, for whatever reason, it will be a terrible loss and I feel that it will be a blow to my feeling like a woman - but bringing up a child, any child, is one of the most important things to both of us, so we focus on that and how we will achieve it. When I see pregnant women it hurts, but I think about how I hope that one day it may be me....and if not.....there are hundreds of children around the world who need someone to love and bring them up. Not the same, but as it may be the option we turn to, I try and be realistic about it.

If you think it may help to talk through how you feel, I would strongly suggest counselling, either through your clinic or elsewhere, to talk through how you feel.

I hope that this has helped, even just a little.  ^hugme^
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Ah, thank you sooo much!

Yes, it has helped!

We have actually tried adopting year's ago, but we were turned down because of our religion!  I totally agree that to bring any child up would be a pleasure; I feel that it would close the gap up on my pain!

The problem is that we live in France and the chances are very unlikely that we could adopt because we are not French!

What adds to my confusion is that I have missed 2 periods and have a gyno appointment to see what is going on.

Once I am "sorted" than my dh is willing to go through the pain of another biopsy!  I just cannot believe that he does not have at least one hidden there; he is sooo manly!  The only thing other than infertility, to show that something is not right, is a very small scrotum!  This, in a way is bizarre, because I was sexually abused when I was very young by father and I HATED his scrotum because it was soo big and ugly!  So, have I got my comeuppance now?!

I am soo hoping and praying that we can still be parents.

Thank you for putting the smile back in my eyes ^rainbow^

Suzanne ^pinkted^

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,695 Posts
Hi Suzanne,

You should never give up! I see from your profile that you've been going through this for 17 years and I just wanted to say that there have been huge medical advances with surgical sperm retrieval in recent years. My DH has very small testes and he has had both successful and unsuccessful op's so it really is hit and miss whether they will find sperm on the day. Some clinics are definitely better than others so you should do your research before making a decision. I don't know where in France you live but I know there is a good clinic in Belgium.

Have you ever considered donor sperm? It took us a few years to get our heads round this (me more than DH) but now we know that this is the only option for us. We both want a child, I want to know what it is to be pregnant and this way we will (hopefully) fulfill our dream of becoming parents.

Take care
Lou x

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hello Lou

Please excuse me for not replying sooner.

I am so busy at the moment that I can not add anything at the moment, but just know that I thank you for your words and will get back as soon as I can.

Loads of hugs ^hugme^

Suzanne :-*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
654 Posts
Hi Suzanne,

Please don't ever give up...It's so hard when dh has a fertility problem...My dh has Cystic Fibrosis so he was born with no vas-defference or epidermis so had to have biopsy taken not a nice experience and I'm sorry they didn't find any sperm the 1st time but it doesn't mean they won't find any a 2nd time it's just guess work when they take biopsy's because they can't see the sperm also I've read there is a new thing called Micro TESE I think don't know if they do that in France?

I hope your gyne appointment goes well and there is nothing wrong with you....Please don't blame yourself for the way your father treated you, that isn't anything to do with why your struggling to conceive  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

Beckles
xxxx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
wishingwell said:
I feel bad for WANTING to find others who suffer from sterility, but am so scared that the end of the road is getting closer for us and that there will be no chance of us evering achieving our dream!

Please forgive me for saying, but despite all the infertility problems on this line, I still feel that we are alone for my DH could be completely sterile; not even one small sperm!!!

Every where I see families; we are a different species altogether because we are childless.

Other than hearing of a pregnancy, the bump, what else slaps me in the face is when I am with other women and I realise that each one has experienced the miracle; that makes me cringe within me and I start to feel that I am not a woman!

I would so value just one reply and anymore would be a bonus!

By the way, I have never held a baby for the fear of never giving him/her back! I hate looking at "fat" women!

Please be kind.

Suzanne :'( :(
You are not alone wishingwell,
My DH and I waited a few years before we began TTC (12years ago now ) and we found out he was born with out the vas deferens , so no sperm in the ejaculate.
We were devastated, all I have ever wanted was to get married and have children.
We tried the adoption process, but just as it was all happening for us the birth family pulled out , so we gave up. We didn't want to go through that heartache again.
So now we have just had our first appointment at a clinic called Crea in Valencia Spain (we live here now )
But it looks like that may be a slow process too because they want me to lose a lot of weight.This could take me years , so it seems like the dream of having a family is slipping away from us.
If you ever want to chat you can send me a private message.
Take care
Anna xx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
46 Posts
Wishingwell you are certainly not alone! We all feel your frustration, the insecurity, the fears. Once we get that Infertile stamp we may summon up the courage to fight but it still feels like a part of us is missing, like the future isn't necessarily bright anymore.

Being in treatment helps though. It gives us back hope tenfold and the success stories keep us all going! It can and will happen.

Anna, this sounds strange. I have a bunch of extra weight and I know people with a lot more than me that are being treated everywhere without being asked to lose weight. My Spanish doctor has said it would be easier on me to be lighter when I'll be pregnant but there was never any mention of delaying the treatment because of my weight. As long as your tests come out right there's NO reason for them to badger you into years of dieting!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
138 Posts
Hi, in the same boat my husband has no sperm on two samples. I so want a baby!we are going for a one shot to Cornell probably will not work but we have to try. I work with babies which does not help.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
166 Posts
Hello Wishing Well

My DH has no sperm at all, and very small testes. It is an up hill struggle for me every day. I am so sorry to hear your story. It is sometimes so hard to find the right words to say, but know that you are not alone. Keep fighting! Have you considered adopting abroad. What tests have you had done?

Sometimes I find it hard to even leave the house, and being a teacher of 4-5 year olds with pregnant mums and babies all around is just heart breaking. My gp has been so supportive and talking to people on this sight has been my rock. We are always here if you need to off load, take care of yourself.

Hugs and fairy dust to you.
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top