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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello all
We thought we had finished our tx last year as we were both so sick of all the negatives. Decided we would go down the adoption route which sat really comfortably with me....till now!!
Dont get me wrong, it is something I still want to do but just lately I have an overwhelming need to try DE as this is the one thing we HAVEN'T tried....problem is..DP none too keen  :(
he says "it won't work" because all my other IVF's IUI's have failed and my embryos were grade 1 for the IVF so he thinks that it is something internal and it wouldnt matter what eggs we use!
I obviously have a lot of work to do here but wondered if any of you had any ideas or encouragement for me cos maybe he is right??  :-\
I always wanted to try Reprofit as they seem pretty good but am worried a bit about the anonymity and just been reading a bit about CRM, London. just been reading their website...are all the donors doing the egg share programme and therefore having IVF themselves?
Any idea of cost at CRM?
Thanks everyone..
Pobby x
 

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Hi Pobby,

Just a few thoughts;

-Adoption is a great idea, but unless its changed in Brighton and Hove, if it involved children under 1 years old, the system often involved 'fostering' for a year, then if the mother successfully came off drugs then the case went to court [and you aren't allowed to be represented] and if the case was approved, the child went back to their biological mother, if not you can then go on to adopt. Correct me if the situation has improved.

-Eggs from younger women tend to be much more viable, this is why egg donation abroad normally involves donors aged 30 or under. [in the UK, donors are harder to find, so age more variable]

-Some clinics [eg IM in Barcelona] run donor embryo schemes, were donor embryos are readily available [because the staff don't want to destroy the left over embryos that are left in limbo when couples don't want to make the decision to destroy them] This seems like adoption, but with out all the jumping through hoops and paperwork, and you get bonding from right away. Success rates quoted as 32% for FET and approx 60% for fresh donor embryos [when available.] Obviously these success rates may be lower if you have immune issues etc. Cost approx 3000 euros a transfer, plus tests etc beforehand.

Regards, the Mountainlions.
 

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Hi Pobby
If you are concerned about anonymity then using donor embryos from abroad is probably not for you.  In Spain there is no chance of children ever finding out who their donor(s) are and you get very little in the way of description.  In this way it is completely unlike UK adoption where children have a life story book that helps to give them a coherent and complete history of their story.
I know it is a long way from you (but then so is Spain or Czech Republic), but the branch of the London Women's Clinic in Darlington has egg sharers waiting for recipients at the moment, and some are under 30.  Why not give a child the best start in life by giving them good information about their donor the option of being able to have contact when they are older.
Best wishes
Olivia
 

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Hi Pobby,

It sounds like your DH is worried about going through all the stress and tx again - have you thought about accessing councelling at your clinic so you can talk through any issues surrounding DE/adoption with someone else?

Very best of luck,

Marie xxx
 

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Pobby - I'm afraid I can't comment on the DE side of things because it's not a route I've tried but I wanted to clarify what Mountainlion had said about adoption (not saying you're wrong honey - just that the law has changed a bit).

The law has changed quite significantly regardin adoption in the last few years - if you decide to adopt you will go through a assessment process, part of this is going on a course and part is sitting and talking with the social worker allocated to you on a number of occasions - the government says that it should take no longer than 8.5 months to go through this process. Once assessed, you go to approval panel, once approved your SW and the team will start and look for a match for you. It's true that there aren't many tiny babies but not that there aren't children under 1, there are so many small children out there who desperately need a loving home.

If you go for adoption then only once when a child is 'freed' (the legal status which frees them for adoption) would they be placed with you and your match approved - there is such a  things as concurrency placements (which may be what mountainlion is thinking of) where you are a kind of foster parent for a time, often whilst the birth family are being assessed etc - but these are rare given the complexity they involve! I know that when I bring my little one(s) home I want it to be for good so concurrency certainly wouldn't be for me as it would be too nerve wracking to fall in love with my children and to then perhaps have to give them back but I do know people on this site who have done it and found the experience thoroughly positive.

Anyway, enough of my waffling I just didn't want you to be put off adoption, it is another rollercoaster in someways but I for one am finding the journey so much more enjoyable than I ever did treatment. Take your time to decide honey and do lots of research into all options (have you asked your clinic about DE? do they think it would improve your chances?) and in the meantime take care, sending you big  ^hugme^ and  ^reiki^

Sarah
xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hi Ladies
Thankyou so much for your replies..very kind of you to take the time  :)
The adoption situation in brighton is that you can either go down the concurrency route or regular adoption. i have already had my telephone "interview" with SW. Originally we were going to go down the concurrency route as it meant a younger baby but after a lot of thought we decided to go down the regualr route. This is mainly because of all the uncertaintey surrounding concurrency. To be told that after panel you could get a call anytime as a baby had been born scared me a bit and I feel that we both need the time to meet potential child a few times. We cando regular "baby adoption" which means we will EVENTUALLY get placed with an under 2 but the wait is a lot longer and they are not even processing baby adoptions until this october (after we already waited since last august to have the telephone interview!  ::) )  Im sure this is the rute we will eventually go down but at the moment all i cant think about is DE and that I really have to give it a go.
DP's father passed away 2 weeks ago today and since he died this feeling to have DP's baby has just got more and more strong! Im not sure i will ever get over the idea that I wont carry a baby! It drives me crazy...every time i have it cracked it just comes back to bite me on the bum! was looking in my diary and it is a year ago that i had BFN after 2nd IVF...I reallythought I couldnt take anymore treatment but until i have tried everything i dont think I can rest! (very frustrating!!)
anyway I am waffling but thanks so much everyone for replying!
Love pobby x
 

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hi my darling pobs
lovely to see you on here sweetheart
any other questions just ask me
pobs you know this whole if business is terrible and just when you think you have one bit sorted like you say something comes to bite you on the bum.  You know I would recommend the DE route.
Speak again soon.
love
susie
 
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