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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,
I'm not sure if talking like this is going to help or not but I'm booked in for HSG test soon and have been told that my IVF waiting list is around 9-10 months which I'm now on. We have been trying to conceive for 4yrs I am 26 married, I've been with DH for 6 years.

People are trying to be helpful telling me I'm young, relax and obviously its stress. But all they're doing is upsetting me. Everyone in my family got pregnant very quickly or by accident indeed certain members of my family didn't even want there children, so its like a slap in the face each time I see them or hear about how they are.

People dont seem to realise that half the dream has been crushed already. I wanted to wake up one morning and throw up pee on a stick then proudly tell my DH that we were going to need to redecorate the spare room. Instead I'm surround by people who don't know what to say, Doctors who class me as text book infertility and to cap it off I teach children 3days a week. So i finish work come in and cry I go to do the weekly shop and stand there in the supermarket judging women that I don't feel are good enough to have children, women that give children junk food allow girls to dress inappropriately and boys to bad mouth.

I'm falling apart inside and i just cant make people understand DH thinks it will happen and I hope that he believes enough for both of us because I'm tired, tired of putting on a brave face when my period comes each month, when I see parents that neither appreciate nor cherish they're children and tired of people making the assumption that d=clearly there is something wrong with me mentally, I'm settled good job good marriage no baby twisted.

Everyone keeps saying its not the end of the world if I don't have children but it is. Everything else is pointless if you don't have a child to love and teach things to, sharing those 9months just me and them is one single experience in life I am most longing for and its just not coming.

TC
 

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Hi TC  :)

Oh you poor thing.  It is hard, as we all know on this site.  There are loads of caring and understanding ladies on here that know exactly how you feel.  ^hugme^

I too feel like the element of surprise and the romance has gone out of the process, which is sad.  I also find it sad that we will never have children without A LOT of assistance.  My DH is more optimistic than me, which sometimes drives me insane - especially when I'm just trying to be realistic.  My Mum cries, which upsets me. 

DH, looking at the 'up-side' says at least he won't ever need to have a vasectomy!!  ;D

Try and think positively hun - I know it's not always easy.  Some days are just plain difficult  :'(  At least you are now on the waiting list (in Suffolk the waiting list was nearly 2 years until very recently) and the HSG should give you some answers.  Sometimes people even get pg naturally after an HSG as it kinda flushes the tubes through  ;)

Wishing you the best of luck and keep ya chin up  :)

Lully x
 

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Oh TC - I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling right now.  I, and I am sure many others on this site, understand explicitly what you're feeling right now.

I can't promise you any words of wisdom (I am currently in the same place as you right now!) except DP already has three children from a previous marriage, and I have suffered one miscarriage since we've been together, which has broken my heart even more.

Are the drs not able to tell you anything; be it male or female factor?  Can they advise hormones or IUI?  Are there any other routes you can consider to help you achieve your dream?

And I understand the dream has been crushed - I too will never casually mention to family or friends that we are pregnant as they all know the struggle that I have been facing (though they will never really know the emotional damage that is being caused).  I am desperate for it all - the morning sickness, the bloatedness, restless nights, sore body parts, the lot - bring it on!!!

And I can't think of anything more frustrating than being told 'you're young' or 'it will happen when it's meant to'...  I'm sorry, but I'm two years older now than when I started and if it's going to happen, why hasn't it already?  Why can't someone tell me something I can believe in, and relate to, and depend on, rather than cliches and old wives tales - I know it's meant to make me feel better, but I too get tired of slapping a smile on my face and laughing along as if I know they're right, when I know they're not.

I wish you lots of love though - it's a horrible way to live your life...  if only someone could give us a definite answer, then maybe we could stop stressing so much?

H xx
 

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Hi tailors cat

I'm sorry that I don't have any words of wisdom for you or any words that would console you but I couldn't just read and run.  Your post sounded so desperately sad.  I just wanted you to know that you're not alone - I think that nearly every women going through IF has shared those very same thoughts and emotions you're going through at the minute - I know I have  :)

Hopefully the HSG will provide some answers for you and you will not be waiting long to hold that precious bundle in your arms.

With much love and  ^hugme^

Anand xxx
 

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Oh honey,

Just wanted to say we know how you feel - Infertility sucks then theres all the other stuff that comes along with it that sucks too.
And one things for sure it is certainly unfair. I heard another pregnancy anouncement this week, the usual, they got married 6 months later there is an announcement - so it took them all of three months then - ah well we know four couples who have managed it in the first month then grumbled about it happening too quickly lol! :)

It seems so unfair to be robbed of what they acheived so easily and as you say for all the happiness and excited anticipation to be taken out of trying to concieve. You are not alone welcome to ff you will get lots of support here from people who really do understand how you feel.

If you do a search on google for "infertilty support family friends" I found quite a lot of helpful articles which help to articulate how it feels and give lists of do and don'ts for friends and family. You could compile some of these together and send to family so they understand a little more of how it feels and stop putting their foot in it.

Also this link is very good. http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

You have treatment to look forward to now best of luck with everything xxxx

Doh just noticed that link is at the top of this section!

/links
 

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hi TC  :)

i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. the FF website has given me so much love, support and advice and i know all the girls will offer you the same.

i'm 28 and i'm also sick of people telling me that my age is on my side and therefore i should just be patient. i do have the advantage of knowing that i suffer of endometriosis which helps in the sense that i can try and work on that, but the fact is i want to be a mum and i don't think that anyone should feel guilty for admitting that.

i'm a trainee teacher so i work with children all day and it is particularly hard seeing some parents that don't appreciate how lucky they are. but have faith in the fact that when you have children yourself you will love and appreciate every moment with them.

it sounds like you and your DH have a fab relationship which makes the whole process worthwhile, i don't know how i'd survive without my DP he's the only person who manages to make me smile even when i feel like i just want the earth to swallow me up. i'm sending you lots of  ^hugme^ which doesn't cure everything but it might make you smile.

hang in there hopefully the tests might help matters and if you ever feel like ranting this is definitely the place to be,

love and  ^hugme^
joxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Well my morning has cheered up a bit I didn't think talking about it on line would make a difference but the words of kindness from everyone on FF is really making a difference. Showed DH this site last night and he thought it was a good idea talking to women that really are going through it.

We sat down last night and tried to make a plan see the fertility clinic on Saturday, inform coworkers today what will happen over the next year, finish renovation on house and get totally fit lowering BMI and DH is looking up karma sutra positions to try and help. His optimism is desperately needed.

I think this has confirmed to me that I don't believe in God but a dear friend has said she'll say a prayer with the angels at this moment I would perform weird naked sundance ritual if it would work. I can feel myself trying to bury the grief and develop a more positive out look but its like building a wall out of sand.

My heart aches, my mind is tired I'm desperate to close the curtains and pull the covers over my head but I can't. My friends are helping and for those times when I wake at 1am in tears with arms aching to hold that which I am not allowed. There is you FF.

For that you have my thanks and my friendship. X
 

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Tailors Cat - Glad you are feeling better - stick around here will always be someone here for you  :)
 

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Hi TC

Glad you're making plans and starting to feel better.

It's such a hard process isn't it! I personally feel it's been a one step forward, two steps back process my whole journey so far, but half the battle is positive thinking. I know that probably sounds 'easy for me to say', but it is so important. Being de-stressed, more relaxed and poitive can only be a good thing when TTC. Have you thought about acupuncture, reflexology or aromatherapy? I know that sounds a bit new-age but hey, if it helps you chill out and puts you in a happier frame of mind who cares!

We all know what you're going through here on FF, i'm new to and have found it brilliant. We're all here to support you and wishing you the best of luck.

JJ x  ^hugme^ ^pray^
 

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^hello^ Tailors Cat!

Welcome to FF, was really pleased to read from your post that you are feeling better ^hugme^ I have every sympathy with you, when people say relax, don't stress it will happen ^furios^ You have come to a great place though for support and I definately think being able to chat to others that are really in the know has helped keep me sane, well almost!

I'm glad that you have started to have initial investigations, honestly once you start getting some answers, everything seems so much better. The time seems to go quickly too and your focus becomes more on your next clinic appointment, we found it really helps to have something positive ^reiki^ to focus on.

For now, I am going to leave you some links that will point you in the direction of other members who are on a similar journey. You will be able to support, share laughter, advice and friendship with each other ^afro^.

Starting out & Diagnosis ~
CLICK HERE

What Every New Member Needs to Know ~
CLICK HERE

TC, try not to worry re. your HSG ^reiki^ I have found a link on here which relates to many ladies experiences of HSG. I had no idea of what to expect and didn't find it too awful tbh and I am a huge wimp ;D http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?action=search2 Has DH had any tests done?

That should keep you busy for a while! However, don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area
G&B - Community Fun board
CLICK HERE

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable ;) if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
take some time to look at the help tab too ;)

Locations boards for where you live & a site search for your clinic ;) A fab place to get the low down on local clinics and perhaps arrange to meet other girls locally, if you fancy.

Wishing you all the very best ^reiki^ and ^fairydust^

If I can be of any more help, please do shout.

Louj x :) ^reiki^
 

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Hi TC

I'm glad that you are feeling better.

The HSG should show if there are any problems with your tubes.  I wasn't aware until I had this test done that I had a problem so although it provided an answer to why I was not able to conceive, it was upsetting for me.

FF does help and the girls understand we you are coming from.  Unless friends/family are going through what you are going through or have experienced it I don't believe much of what they say can be comforting.  Some of what you said in your first post hit home to me  as I too use to think every month that this would be 'the month' and then when it wasn't I'd blame myself for thinking it. 

You've taken the first step which will make things clearer for you and DH.

I wish you and DH all the best on your dream. ^hugme^

 
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