[Juel]

Sorry everyone but i need to get this off my chest;
I'm so fed up,angry,bitter,sad& tired of all this.
I have been for my blood test results today to check my ovary reserve & it has come back as me having a low reserve and i'm only just gone 36 aaah!!!
My clinic are prepared to go ahead with my ivf but chances of success are only about 15% using my own eggs. The chances are that i wont respond to the drugs.
I'm "lucky" that i have got funding for this cycle,my first, but i feel so low now & fear that we will never get our baby-something that i have never accepted before today but reality is hitting home really hard now.
I cant stop crying(nothing new) but i'm so scared of what the next few months will bring-this hole if thing is PANTS
Trying to look on the bright side i can use donor eggs if this cycle doesn't work but i feel such a failure-why can't my body work properly??
Sorry ladies letting my emotions run away with me is quite alien to me but it seems so easy on this site as you all know how i feel & i dont have to face you in the morning when i'll probably feel so silly.
I just need to do this;
"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh"
Thats better.
I find writing things down really helps-so thanks for "listening"
luv juel xx

 

[Debs]

Juel,

I know we have just chatted in the chat room but just wanted to tell you that we are all here whenever you need to scream.

Take care.

((((((big hugs))))))

Love

Debs xxx

 

[beckyd]

Juels

just read why you are so fed up its so hard sometimes to keep so positive but you have to ty

A good network like this site, is such a big bouns to let off steam and to see your not alone.

Keep your chin up

Becky x x x

 

[Juel]

Thanks ladies for your support,im sure i'll feel better in a few days when ive got my head around it all, its just all so hard!!
luv juel xx

 

[Flo]

Hi Juel,
My heart went out to you when I read your post. I was given the same news last February. It came out completely of the blue and I was devastated, so I think I understand a little of how you are feeling just now. Don't worry about letting your emotions run away from you and don't fight your need to cry. If nothing else it at least helps to release some of the tension building up inside you. On the other hand, in between crying, feeling bitter & sad etc there are probably periods when you feel totally numb. It is a horrible time for you and I just wanted to send a great big ^group^

I am glad you are thinking of alternative ways around this situation IF it proves necessary (and I will have every thing crossed for you during your tx that it doesn't) and that you haven't given up hope. I will look forward to the day when you come on line to share the news with us of the birth of your child.

love
Flo

 

[Mel]

Hi Juel,

I cannot say anything else that the others havnt already, they have given some good sound advice and that is hard to top, but i just wanted to let you know that i am thinking of you and that yes this IF is very cruel indeed, but dont give up hope sweetheart, this is all sent to test us, you will get your dream.

Take care of yourself and let off steam anytime you like, we are all here for you, and ranting and raving is the best form of tension release, so go for it.

Mel

x x

 

[Juel]

Thanks all of you, i have found this site to be a God send, i really dont know how i've survived the last 3 yrs without you guys. Your mails have made me feel so much better & we intend to start our cycle on day 2 of my next af(about 2 weeks away) apparantly we will be doing a short cycle which i understand to be no down regging, just stimms- if anyone knows anything about this route i would be grateful of any advice as it's all new to me.
Thanks again,
luv & best wishes to you all,
juel xx

 

[carols]

Hi Juel,

I don't think any of us truely understands that we have to scream and shout and punch the sofa and cry our eyes out for a while sometimes.

We want to but, feel we shouldn't. JUST DO IT. It will make you feel so much better.

Carol

 

[KarenM]

Juel

I think Deborah has mentioned the unpredictablility of these tests.

When I had mine done, it came back with just 51 left and should have been more like 150 - 200 for a woman my age. I have very irregular cycles and was told that this could dramatically affect the results. Like Deborah I thought right 51 eggs left, I have aboout 9 -10 cycles per year I am 5 years away from menopause. But then I was told that it would not preclude us from treatment (that's before we got dh's results ).

Hope all goes well with your short protocol.

And don't feel that you can't let off steam, its good to get it out in the opne, even if it is in a virtual way. Sending you cyber hugs. ^group^ ^group^ ^group^

Love
Karen x

 

[Laine]

Hi Juel,

Just wanted to add that you are in my thoughts too.

As Jac said read Linds post to me on the IUI board she does sum up really well.

Keep positive, I know it is hard as I am feeling really low, angry, depressed you name it. BUT it does help having so many nice people to encourage you on ff.

Love and cyber hugs

Lainexx

 

[Flo]

Hi again Juel,
there are quite a few of us now who have used the short protocol. If you look on the ICSI board there is a thread called Short Protocol.

Please don't hesitate to shout if you have any other questions.
Flo

 

[Vicky W]

Juel

Hi hon I'm sorry you got test results that were disappointing.

This whole thing stinks at times and is particuarly hard when you find out you are not as fertile as you "should" be.

Still, I hope that using the most appropriate protocol your clinic will be able to get the results needed, you never know til you try?!

As Deborah says these things can be misleading and statistics are just that. You are an individual, everyone's different, and I pray that it all goes right for you.

Wishing you best of luck with your cycle, see you on the March boards?!

Love Vicky

 

[Juel]

Hi Becky
Have you had your app. to see Mr Afnan yet? I seem to have lost contact with you
luv juelxx

 

[kymkitten]

I hope that all goes well and that it works for you my hope goes with you.
All the luck is sent with this post. take care.