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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all
Just a quick one before I collapse from sheer exhaution! Don't let anyone tell you that intro's are not tiring! Clearly, we had forgotten just how tiring!!

We are in love with our gorgeous new baby girl and are hoping beyond hope that we are on schedule for bringing babyroo home before next weekend.
I had a very emotional and stressed day yesterday, it has to be said. I was there from 7.30am until 6.30pm.
I'd had a big dip in confidence with how things were going. Babyroo wasn't feeding well from me and FC said "she can't go until she's settled with her feeding". But to me, her whole clockwork is out at the moment. She's getting tons of attention and stimulation and therefore sleeping more during the day, and because she's extra tired and confused, she doesn't want to eat.
My feeling is that until she's in a routine with one set of parents (ie. us and not half FC's and half us) then she's not likely to sleep or eat as she normally would.
Anyway, today has been a complete success, from our point of view anyway.
She's eaten her lunch and dinner without any problem, she's been much smilier and giggly, and to finish the day off perfectly, my first bathtime with her, and not a murmur. I left her at 7pm tonight, in her babygros, fast asleep!  :)
I couldn't have come home more satisfied.

My worry is that from tomorrow her routine is changing again because she'll be starting her visits at our home for the first time, so I reckon that she may not feed again if she's out of sorts, and we'll be back to square one.
I don't know if things are going as well as we think, or if the FC is being a bit clingy and reluctant to let her go.

One thing that cheered me up yesterday at the end of a very gloomy day, was that during a HV visit, she started to cry (tiredness), and I instinctively picked her up to cuddle her and whereas I feared she might struggle and scream for FC, she didn't. I managed to pasify her and she settled down.

I'm hoping that things continue to progress and she can come home on the planned date.
Please keep your fingers crossed for me!!

x
 

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Hi Ever

I am so glad everything is going well with intros - you prob correct your little one needs to get into a sleeping/eating routine with you both and then she will be able to settle down.

I have no doubt that you will make fantastic parent for her and she will receive so much love support and attention from you both, you'll be great.

I wish you all the very best of luck, I will keep my fingers crossed to you.

take care, sleep tight

crazybabe
 

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Hi Ever

So pleased intros are going well and you are in love with your precious daughter.

It must be so confusing for Babyroo at the moment so the fact she isn't feeding/settling as well as the FC thinks she should really isn't surprising.  It sounds to me as though you are doing a great job and you just need to get her home asap and into YOUR routine so she settles better.

Has DD met Babyroo yet?  What does she think?

Hope you get some sleep!
Love
OT x
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Morning!
Thanks OT and crazybabe.

Yes Missboo met babyroo at the start of the week, just for a brief while. She's talked about her ever since and keeps asking when she'll be coming to stay with us  :)

Hoping we've turned the corner, and things continue on the right path.

Will keep updating as and when I can.

Ever x

PS I certainly could've done with a stay in bed this morning! I feel like the walking dead!!

 

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Hi Ever

YES the intros are tiring, even though you've done them once and you knew what they are like you do forget!

Thankfully for us are intros with DD were very short, 4 days!! :)  SS wanted to move our DD as quickly as possible and they certainly didn't mess about.

I know what you mean about feeling things are going so well & then something will happen and it knocks your confidence, just remember she will move in & once she is in your home, she is yours and you can get into your own routine.

On day 2 of our visits the FM little boy bit my DD toe!!  I could have burst out crying there and then as DD on only day 2 looked toward me & the FM just said oh your alright & said to her little boy, don't do that again....... ^bigbad^ :'(

You are doing a great job, its hard to juggle intros with a young child and feel you are doing what is right for both..............you learn in time to split yourself in two it takes time but you'll do it!!

Reference feeding, you are Right she is out of sorts and it does sound as though FM is maybe clingy which is only natural & your new DD may just surprise you and be perfectly at home with you and your family and if that is the case she is ready to move sooner rather than later.

Will you have another review meeting where she can voices your concerns about your DD being out of a routine and that you feel this is upsetting her feeding ect??

Hope you have another lovely day, it won't be long honest and she'll be home.

Love
Andrea
xx
 

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Intros are not very 'real' are they.  Everyone is all over the place emotionally.  I always feel that it must be hard for FC having their house taken over for a few days (or weeks in our case).

Try not to sweat the small stuff, go with the flow and hang onto the fact that soon she will be home and you can get on with being a family.

Sanita
 

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Ever

We had 2 weeks of exhausting intros with a long journey each time, so I sympathise with you.

What an insensitive remark by the FC.  It is quite understandable that babyroo will be out of routine and she should realise that.  It won't be long before you can bring her home for good and I am sure everything will slot into place.

Have some early nights if it is possible.

Tracey x
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
:-\

If it wasn't for that baby girl, I could throw the towel in. I feel so emotional and fed up tonight, I just want it to be over.

I've spoken to my Dad today who cared for missboo for the past 2 days and he said he could tell she was unsettled. She'd "float off" occasionally, in a dream, and then ask things like "Where is mummy & daddy?", "When are they coming home?" "Why have they gone there?"
:'(
I said to my Dad, that if I were pregnant, she'd see a bump and feel movements, and know the baby was growing and could get involved in preperation. Now we have prepared her as much as poss and thought she was understanding of the situation. If I were to go into hospital and come home with a baby, she'd probably stay with grandparents for however long until mummy & baby come home. Yes there'd be jealousy and resentment. I have been prepared for that when we bring a new baby home. But for her, as just 4 years old, she's heard us talking of babyroo for weeks. It's not real to her. It's just a story. And then she's shunted from pillar to post and very rarely gets to spend any real time with either of us, and then is expected to walk into a stranger's house (FC's) and see her mummy washing and dressing another baby.  :'(
She was so unsettled today, and creating a treat. I had to stay calm, knowing that I was being closely watched. Missboo crying and creating because she wanted to do everything herself for the baby. She wanted to take control. She didn't want to see her mummy doing it. I can understand all of it. But most new families, go home and in the privacy of their home can deal with emotional and stressful reactions. I was very consious that babyroo was getting cold whilst I was trying to pasify missboo over what she could help mummy with and what mummy was still learning to do. I was trying to dress babyroo in her pyjamas and keep calm for all three of us. All this, with the FC's in the room observing.
I couldn't get angry with missboo afterwards because it's not her fault, she doesn;t understand. She's had a million people telling her that when she gets a baby sister, she can help mummy look after her. Yes, help! Not take over!
I was sooooo stressed when we left.

If I could call a hault to this, and rewind time to get my family back on track I cheerfully would right now. I can't wait to get this period over with. It' crippling me emotionally.

I am angry that we were never warned of this, or that missboo wasn't given any consideration from SS for intro's and meetings etc.
We've been very ill-prepared for the effects on missboo, and for that I feel sadness.  I'm sorry missboo.

I don;t want to put anyone off adopting for a second time, don't forget I am very tired and emotional right now, and with any luck won't see things half as bad in the morning. Fingers crossed anyway!

Sorry for the long moan, and depressing post! Has anyone experience of this??

:(
 

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Hi Ever

I needed to reply hun- firstly massive massive  ^hugme^ to you  :-*

Intros are stressful enough without having to worry about your DD- massive hugs to missboo  ^hugme^

How are you finding the FCer? our FCer was great and left us too it as in wouldnt stand over us to watch as such as this woul have worried me!

Please remember your a GREAT mummy to Missboo and you CAN do this, to me (sorry if i am wrong) it sounds like the FC is trying to undermind you with certain things.

Maybe for MissBoo you could give her a sticker chart and put a sticker on each night and when no stickers left her baby sister is coming home the next day and that you and Daddy will both be home with her again and your be a bigger family

Is your SW giving you any support? (ours rang me nightly to check everything was going ok)

xxxxxxxxxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks MJ

I haven't seen or spoken to our SW since matching panel. She left an answerphone message on Thursday afternoon and an email. She was training on Friday and on 4 days break now until Wednesday (bank holiday!)
So we are really on our own until then, and we'll see the whole lot of them at the review meeting. At which point it will be decided if babyroo will be coming home with us on Thursday  ::)
I know if I really needed to, I could text or ring our SW's mobile, but what would I say?? If I say I'm stressed and finding it difficult, she can't do much more than tell the adoption SW before the review, and then that might lead to delays. So I don't think I'll say anything (until after placement anyway!)  ;)

Looking back I did feel more encouragement from missboo's FC, and those 10 days were although emotional and tiring, were enjoyable.
Babyroo's FC is lovely and I can't fault her intentions. But I feel a bit overpowered and I also know that things that she'd talked about doing before intro's started (ie. she would feed babyroo and change nappies the first 2 days to allow babyroo a gentle transistion of carers) hasn't happened. I wasn't shown how to, I was given instructions as I was doing it for first time. I was under pressure at each first stage. This is how I felt anyway.
But how can I say anything?  :-X

First visit at our home today, so I've been flying around cleaning from top to bottom!!
Surely today has to be a nicer time than yesterday?!!

I'll report back later  ^pray^

x
 

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Massive hugs Ever  ^hugme^

I know you dont want to "rock the boat" as such however FC needs to help with the move and not hinder you- she should be showing you and not "telling" you how to do things!

Our SW couldn't do much other then be a ear at the end of the phone for me to rant to or just for her to help remind me of the good moments we had each day!

I have to say i thought i would feel overpowered by the FC as she knew my children however i tended to jump in and say "oh mummy do that" and if DS wanted FC at times i would pick him up and distract him and say "oh mean mummy" and make him laugh

Your FC should be stepping back and letting you get on and she should be there for ref only now!

hope today is a great day all round

xxx
 

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Hi Ever
Just wanted to say keep your chin up and remember you are a great mummy and things will be so much better when you are all in your home and can just relax and learn to find your own way as a family of four with no interference. Keep us posted.
Wigantwo
 

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Ever

What you are feeling is totally normal................its horrible going through introductions, even though you've been there once, they are hard!!

The fact that last time you had a lovely FM does make you see this FM in a different light.

At the end of the day you are this lovely beautiful little babies Mum & she will be coming home with you very shortly.

Try to give eldest daughter as much time as you can & suggest to her that when baby does come home she could do certain jobs for you in your house but not at the FM house.  For example fetching you a nappy, baby wipes etc!!

Your doing a great job & its not long really when you'll be bringing your baby home.

I would however suggest speaking to your SW at the earlist point and raise your concerns.

Love
Andrea
xx
 

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Hi Ever

Hope you are having a better day today hun.....

You're doing a great job and it won't be long before you are home with both your girls.

Love
OT x
 

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Firstly Big hugs ^hugme^ , know its not easy but just try and focus on the end result :) not long to go now ;)

Is this the foster carers first bridging placement? as it is difficult to know how much to get involved or to step back. Foster carers only get 2 days were of bridging training and are then left to get on with it. She might be feeling as nervous as you are. Im not saying her actions are right as she needs to give you the space to get to know your new addtion but just that she might be new to it all?
Im probably talking rubbish ;D If I am ignore me ;D

Lots of strength and hugs for the rest of the intros ^hugme^

xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Thanks again girls!!
I don't know what I'd do without all your support, so thank you!  :)

Today has been much more relaxed. Babyroo refused her lunch to start with, and both FC's said "oooh, it's worrying" - which really didn't help my confidence  :-[
But I persuavered and found that distraction techniques worked and after a fraught start, she did manage most of her lunch and then finished her milk off like a good girl. She fell asleep quite content, and the FC's left us for half an hour so we had some chilled time just us four which was lovely. Missboo was slightly calmer than yesterday. I suppose she didn't have the same audience to perform for. So all in all, I am happy to say that Day 7 has been successful.
Babyroo is coming for the day tomorrow, FC will bring her in the morning and pick her back up at teatime. I can see the final hurdle, and it feels good!

Suzie, this FC is very experienced with babies, and adoption (I think this is her 10th adoption/intro's process), but I understand what you meant. I wished that was the case!

:)

 

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Glad to here today was better for you all!! Good luck for next visit xx
 

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Hi Ever

Great to hear yesterday was better for you all and it shows you are getting to know Babyroo by getting her to have lunch....no offense to FCs but I think some may get a bit power crazy during intros!

I'm sure today will be even better being in your own home, just the 4 of you, and Missboo will settled - its all very strange for her to.

Love
OT xx
 

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everhopeful said:
Suzie, this FC is very experienced with babies, and adoption (I think this is her 10th adoption/intro's process), but I understand what you meant. I wished that was the case!
Well she should know better then!! Glad you had a bit better day :) Not long now until you are all home :)

xx
 

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Hi ever

Hope your having a nice time with just the 4 of you, sounds like FC is being a bit over powering, not long now and you will all be together at your home for good, you must be very proud.

I wish we would here from our VA st. D soon to let us know we have been allocated a SW and a date to start H/S, they have had all the reference back because the 3 people we nominated have informed us last Wed/Thurs they sent the forms back, we have been busy this weekend as we needed to create more space ready for our addition/s - so we emptied all the atic yesterday tool a load of rubbish down amenities site and hubby and his dad have boarded the atic now so at least we be able to put things in there tidy.

I will look out for your post so that you can let us all now how it went today

take care

crazybabe
 
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