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Hi,

I am new to this part of the site, but will be joining you regularly going forward from now i guess.

Anyhow, my question is this, we have just had our BFN, we knew before test date,as AF arrived 5 days before test date,  but was confirmed today actually (god feels like about a week since we knew).  But we both have an immense feeling of relief, when we did this tx we had already agreed that this would be our last one, as on our first tx we were succuesful but our little boy died 8 weeks old, and has made subsequent tx's very very difficult emotionally. 

We feel like we have our lives back, we have spent the last 4 years (if not longer) on this NHS IVF cycle, and obviously i was then pg for 9 months too, and our diet, and actions have always been dictated to by some greater thing.....I can drink coffee and not worry about the caffeine i drinking, can absoutley drunk and not think, will this affect my next tx, we can go on holiday and not worry about will the dates clash with an appt or delay something....

Am i wrong to feel like this...my dh feels guilty about feeling relief, kind of like he is letting our son down, but i think this is due to him not having fully grieved for him..

Did anyone else feel relief or happiness at being able to control your lives again !!!!

Netty
 

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No not wrong at all, I know what you mean totally x
 

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You are absolutely right i feel the same way. We had one tx and after that decided to go down the adoption route for many reasons.
xx
 

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Hi

Sorry you lost your precious son, life can be so cruel in many ways.

We had 8 years of ivf/icsi, lost a pg at 12 weeks on attempt #4 nearly 5 years ago now.  Getting pg spurred me on for a long time, we knew it could happen so how could we give up?  Anyway, another 4 attempts, immune issues and even doing DS/DE proved we were on the wrong path.  Making the decision to stop tx was hard but it was also a huge relief.

What you are feeling is normal and it doesn't mean you are letting your son down at all.  No one will ever replace him but you can still have a good family life via adoption.

Good luck with the process.
OT x
 

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Hi

I am also sorry you lost your baby son.

He will never be replaced as that is impossible to do BUT your son would not want you not to have a family and the relief you are feeling about now starting down this route is one we have all felt..........so your completely normal or we are all barking mad......I like to think we are all normal.....we may have gone down a different route to become families but we are all normal families.

I wish you lots of luck as you start this journey.

Love
Andrea
xx
 

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I think your feelings are very natural and well deserved, you have been through so much. Being relieved and moving on does not mean your forgetting about your precious son, but taking your memories of him to a happy place. We have started the adoption process but DH still wants 1 more tx, I can definately say that I have had enough! I had a miscarriage 5 years ago and never want to have to experience that again...but I do feel lucky that I can say that I felt the joy of being pregnant all be it for a small time. Relief is a huge feeling and part of the process of moving on and getting your dream. Do not feel guilty for feeling a bit of happiness that you both so deserve!

Kay xxx
 

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I can only echo all of the above. xx  ^hugme^ ^hugme^

 
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