[Raikonen]

Hi all 

So iam getting more and more upset every month and iam so scared this is it!! The end!!

I was due to have IVF with my ex husband but found out the day before that he had been cheating on me for most of our marriage. Needless to say I upped and left and didn't turn back. I had been given metformin previous to the IVF to see if that helped and when it didn't they pushed straight for IVF.

Now I have a new partner and he already has a child that now lives with us permanently (long story) I love and adore the little monkey but as harsh as it is to say he isn't mine and all ive ever wanted is a baby!!
So we have been trying for a few years and nothing, not that I was surprised, I have PCOS and was told at 21 that there's slim to no chance I'll ever conceive naturally, anyway I had to go through the motions again and have all the tests redone and my OH had tests to. My doctor is referring me to the fertility clinic but isn't sure if there's much they can do as we can't have IVF on the NHS as my OH already has a child so we don't fit into the criteria, we can't afford IVF or a surrogate and I have regular periods for about a year now. I also had a ovulation bleed (scared the crap out of me went to the doc and he said it all timed rite so was an ovulation bleed) so there isn't much hope of clomid or any other drug either apparently. We can't adopt because we only have a two bed flat atm (looking into somewhere bigger) and again we do not our councils criteria because of what our little Monkey has been through and his emotional needs, he is classed as having an SEN need as he needed counselling and extra help at school because of what he had been through in the past before he came to live with us. Iam desperate for a baby and time is running out for me, iam getting near to my biological  end, little Monkey is desperate for a sibling and my OH wants it as much as I do.

What can i do? How do i move forward? Do I have to deal with the fact I will never truly be a mummy and get over myself and move on or is there another option out there for me?

Thanks for taking the time read this.

 

[Turia]

So sorry to hear your story and sorry also that you haven’t had replies.  I don’t have the answers but wanted to check you were aware of donor eggs?  These are another option if time is not on your side (you don’t give an age).  I had my miracle 3 days before I turned 48 so don’t let time be an issue if that is something you would consider.

Anyway just wanted to send hugs 
Turia x




.

 

[Bubbles12]

Hi

Have you looked into Egg Sharing?

Most clinics except women 35 and under (not sure of your age).

With PCOS, you probably have a high AMH level which is desirable (within reason) for possible egg sharers


Good luck xx

 

[Raikonen]

Thank you both for your replies they are very much appreciated.

Iam 31 nearly 32.

I was looking into egg donation/sharing but wasn't able to get much info on any of it in the UK and how it works. Not sure if I've been looking in the rite places.

I actually had a call today from the fertility clinic which was a total surprise, apparently the doctor I Had seen a while back had transfered me (I hadn't had a letter or anything) I spoke to a doctor and he has said to me that my best option and the reccomend one is IVF and if i didn't have SS he would of started the process today but as that isn't an option for me rite now he has said he would perscribe me clomid or another I can't remember the name of of I can lose bare minimum of a stone in weight. He said to call back in a few months or before if I had lost it and he would perscribe it for me and would give me 6 months on it. So that's something rite?
I was so chuffed, I have been out and brought a exercise bike, subscribed to a workout channel on YouTube and iam sorting out my cupboards with OH to move the naughty stuff to the top lol iam 5ft 2 so cannot reach out top shelves in our kitchen lol iam determined to lose the weight I've gained and get these tablets and hopefully get my baby.

Again thank you so much for the replies it means alot

 

[staceysm]

Hi,

You have had some good advice, I just want to echo what the others have said.  Time is not running out and biologically the end at 31 years of age.  I had my first cycle of IVF at 35 and my first son and my second at 38 and got another son.  Even at 38 I responded well to stimulation and got a good number of eggs.

I truly believed that at 35 years of age, your fertility drops over night, as that’s what we are sold by negative sources.  I am part of a fertility group from here from my second son and one of the ladies got pregnant naturally at 45 years of age.

Never give up

X

 

[Artypants]

Hi there

I also think egg sharing could be a great option for you, 31-32 is a great age still and you would be welcome by any clinic i am sure. Create fertility seem like a great clinic that has very good result with egg sharing and they seem quite ethical and maybe you could look them up as a start.

I wish you tons of luck xx

 

[Northern]

If you do look into egg sharing I can highly recommend the Lister, they’re one of the top London clinics and theirs is one of the few programmes where there’s very little/no cost at all to sharers - other than freezing of any remaining embryos for future use. I did loads of research and their programme was one of the best I could find. Bourne Hall (in Cambridge) is also completely free for sharers and another good clinic.
X

 

[hannahdaisy]

Hi, myself and my partner have also both egg shared at the Lister. Do you know what your AMH is? A clinic told my partner that her's was too low but the Lister didn't think that at all. They offer egg sharing with a fresh transfer for free, just the HFEA fee which I think is £80ish. You'd then have to pay for any extra embryos to be frozen if you're lucky enough to get any. Much cheaper than a standard IVF cycle, but obviously a few key differences to carefully consider with your partner x

 

[Raikonen]

Hi
I just want to say again a massive thank you for your replies.
I have been looking at the Lister fertility clinic and have read through their egg sharing and how it works, I also spoke to my other half and explained it all to him and how it works.
He is really on board with the whole idea, so we have decided that once I have lost some weight (need to get my BMI back down) we will have a sit down and decide whether we go straight for the egg sharing or try the tablets first for the 6 months they will be available to us.

I was just wondering (I know iam a pain sorry) what would you guys do?

Iam flipping between trying the tablets first or just going straight for the IVF egg sharing, like I don't want to waste time if you know what I mean but I also don't want to miss out on a chance of something that has the potential to work Aswell.

Thank you

 

[Mac78]

Hi Raikonen,

I am sorry for what you are going through. As the other ladies said you don't have to panic as you are not running out off the time at 31 years, unless, you have made an AMH test and know that your reserve is low. If you have not done one, maybe you should, this will give an idea where you are standing. If your reserve is normal for your age I think you should try with Clomid first. I am saying that because I tried and got pregnant on the first month. My problem was because I have POF - very low reserve and the quality wasn't good either so M/C at 8 weeks.

I am now pregnant via egg donor as this was the only way for me. I am 42 and my donor was 32 years old- she gave 9 eggs and 7 made to blast, a very good outcome.

Try to be patient and take this time that you are going to focus on losing weight to also look after your mind & soul as well. I am not sure if you are religious, some people find strength on their faith, I am not but meditation and yoga really helped me to be grounded so I could really think clearly before making any decision.

Good luck on your journey.

 

[Artypants]

If it were me and I was your age i would try clomid for 6 months and reassess, def worth getting an AMH test to put your mind at ease. All the best.

 

[Northern]

I would agree with artypants - 6 months isn’t long in ivf world - it’s definitely worth trying something that may spare you having to go through full ivf, you never know it might just work. If it doesn’t, then at least you can enter ivf knowing you tried everything else first. It also gives you more time to fully get your head around the implications of egg sharing if you do choose that option; you would need counselling as part of the process so it’s just good to let yourself mull it all over without the time pressure of wanting to start treatment.
Good luck with whatever you choose x

 

[Raikonen]

Hi, hope your all well

Thank you for your points of view, it is all a massive help and great to get opinions of others in the same/similar situation.

Iam definitely leaning more towards the clomid route first and have spoken to my OH and relayed the opinions of you both and he definitely agrees that we should try clomid first, he is going to be excersising with me to help me lose weight and support me with eating habits, so that's going to be a great help.

I also never thought about it giving me the extra 6 months after I've lost the weight to prepare for everything egg sharing and IVF would bring and I think that can only be a good thing plus it also gives OH time to do the same.

We habe spoken about it alot and are positive that if the clomid doesn't work then egg sharing is the way forward for us not just for the fact that the IVF would affordable for us but for the fact that if I can help someone else become parents who have struggled to then that makes the whole thing that much more worth while. We all have to stick together and help out where we can so I feel like I would be giving back and helping someone else have their dream of a family. (I know that might make me sound a bit up myself there but knowing as many of you do how hard it is and horrible to go through this I'd like to help someone else out if i can).

So would I have to go to the doctors or would it be a thing the fertility clinic did? The AMH test? I think I should go and get that done like you all said I would then know where I stand.

Iam not religious but I guess you could say my mum is my guru/counsellor/life coach lol she keeps me grounded and my head level so before any of this starts I will be speaking to her, previously when I first went through it all at 21 she was there with me the whole way through on my good days and bad days. It might sound bad but iam not really one for meditation or yoga I tend to take myself of into a quiet room and draw its my personal therapy lol and that gives me time to think and also clear my mind.

Congratulations on your pregnancy Mac that's fantastic, I bet you cannot wait to meet your little bub, how exciting. When are you due if you don't mind me asking?

Thanks again everyone, iam honestly so glad i came back to this forum you are all such a huge help.

 

[hannahdaisy]

That sounds like a good plan. Maybe in the meantime you can do some more research about egg sharing and then if it comes to that you would feel more informed and ready to make the decision.

We were exactly the same with our choice to egg share. We needed donor sperm and knew what it felt like to need help getting pregnant, so we thought that it would be lovely to be able to hopefully help another family.

I think some GPs may offer some of the tests that fertility clinics ask you to have, but a clinic is a better bet I would say. When we had our AMH tested initially we also had an internal scan which just checked that our uterus and ovaries looked ok and that gave extra peace of mind.